I don't not want to love
I'm afraid to lose
To lose something is like
Hearing sounds but seeing no picture
Or thinking thoughts but having no voice
I can't lose anymore
I'm already too lost

The aching body
demands to be held
But the anxious mind
Over-rides with
No chance
in hell !

she fought it out
despite shame and fear
and near the end
lost sight of her own face
as it stared back in sorrow
up from the very deep well

the body deteriorates before we get out
the only way is through-
put that in a poem, ******
she said
and so I did.

Hollow as a reed
the moving Breath plays a song
who's hands are these that do The Work?
Who's eye's are these that see with love?
Who's heart is the heart of every living thing
and breaks, with little hesitation
with each pounding wave

step into it and
step aside
it is the only way it can work
otherwise we walk the tracks, head down
and we do not see the train, no,
nor where this road might take us
the soft deer trail that leads away

they taped the mittens to her hands
she would tear the IV from her body
they wrapped her up in swaddling clothes
as in the beginning  so in the end
she had forgotten to look up, so
very long ago
made a habit of grasping all
that could not be owned
and in the end it fled away

the body deteriorates before we get out
the only way is through-
put that in a poem,
******

There, come the sounds of shrieks and shriek
And here, comes a newly prepared tweet

For how long will we remain silent,
Goes another ambulance with a loud siren

The missiles are again ready to ****,
Loaded with a thousand kills, a bill?

There's goes another missile with the millionth ****
Here are we, ready to take another pill

God, be the judge of the tyrants
Neither are we going anywhere still

not until I had to leave
did I realize
just how much
I missed you

you are a part of who I am
to go without you
is like to go without
a piece of my body

it's possible to survive for a bit
but the pain grows and grows
and soon enough I realize
it's too much to bear

and so I called you
and I told you
and I love you
and I love you

September.
My birth month.
My sisters birth month.

September.
A reminder of what I lost.
A reminder of what I can never have.

September.
A mark of another year gone by.
A mark of another year in which I can't see my sister.

September.
Another month where I mourn for you.
Another month where I wish you were here with me.

September.
My least favorite month.
My sisters month of death.

September 13, 2000.

The day you took your first breath.
The day you took your last breath.

September 13, 2000.

The day Katherine Lynn was born.
The day Katherine Lynn died.

September 13, 2000.

The day my older sister was given to me.
The day my older sister was taken away from me.

September 13, 2000.

The day my sister should have lived through.
The day my sister didn't live through.

September 13, 2000.

The day I lost my sister.
The day I lost Katherine.

People think that my life is perfect.
My smiles are real.
My cover wrists aren't scared.
My eyes don't shed a tear.

People are wrong.
My smiles are fake.
My wrists are scared.
My eyes shed thousands of tears.

People think that my life is perfect.
My parents are sweet and nice.
My body is only bruised because I fell.
My spirit isn't shattered.

People are wrong.
My parents are monsters.
My body is bruised because of them.
My spirit is completely shattered into a million pieces.