Dear Crystal ****,
I loved you
I put so much trust in you
I spent every hour of every day confiding in you
I told you my deepest fears
I let you know how broken i was
and you ******* took advantage of me
You took everything i owned
you stole my family from under me
you robbed me of all my money
We never had a healthy relationship

From the first night i met you
you beat me into a ****** pulp
You made me hate everyone
You turned me into a monster just like you..

You dug your claws into me
You slit my skin with your razors of control
But you just brushed it off and kept destroying me
I tried so many times to leave you
I tried so hard to cut you off
But the attemps just failed

You flooded my mind with thoughts of you
You gave me flashbacks of when we were together
I heard your voice screaming when all i wanted to do was forget about you
You controlled every aspect of my mind
my body
And my life

Then one day i couldnt take it anymore
Your abuse was to muc for me
You had me on my knees begging for a saving grace
I cried
I screamed
I begged god for the light
I wanted to die
I stood on the edge of bridges
I stared at knives and blades
I felt like i couldnt continue with you
and like i definitly count continue without you..

Then one dark august night
God awnsered my prayers
He wrapped his arms around me and rocked me to sleep after so many weeks without closing my eyes
I slept for almost 4 days
Waking only to use the restroom and to shove any food i could find in my face
You slowly left my system

You didnt go peacefully of course
You paniced
You clawed
You begged me not to do this
but i didnt listen

I stayed true to myself
I finally left you...

Things wernt smooth at first
I felt lost
I was confused about everything involving life
I didnt know who i was
I thought i would for sure go running back to you
But i gave it time

I pushed through the hot and cold flashes
Ignored the hallucinations and the fevers
It was pure hell on earth
But the torture was worth every second because leaving you was the best decition i have ever made for myself

Tomarrow is 30 days free from your shackles
Life still is a constant struggle
But honestly
I would not expect any different after breaking free from the cage of satan and into the sunlight of heaven

I now hae so many things to be greatful for
I have a roof over my head
I bed to sleep in thats not jail or a hospital.
I am a cherished member of y family again
I found love unexpectedly with a man who makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth
I have my goals and morals back
I see a future for myself
and most of all..
I am thankful i am breathing because you almost killed me

Someone once said
"Dope heads never quit, they only take extended breaks"
Well, i am proud to say i never am allowing you back into my life

So thank you ****
Even though you shattered every part of my soul
I now have a brand new outlook on life
I also never would have asked my now fiance for a ride home if you had never made me so sick i was in the emergency room
I dont regret you
Because i learned so much about myself and life from you

But now i can finally say...
I ******* hate you and i will never be with you again

Sincerally:
One greatful proud, life loving forever ex tweaker <3

Our parents are always telling us , you have to go to school, that you'll learn everything you need to know before you're ready for the big world, and that'll you need it to get into your dream job

But now a days our education isn't about learning, its about passing
Our education now isn't the same as it used to be

It teaches us that if you're not at a certain grade level, you will not succeed
That if you don't meet a certain criteria, maybe you're not for fit the course

This education system doesn't teach us whats really important for the big world

It doesn't teach us how to live, how to do taxes or how to survive

It never taught us the living expenses or how to buy a home
Never taught us what to expect once we leave for college or how to balance our schedules

No. It only taught us homework, about a plant cell, about tangents and circumferences

It taught us that homework is more important than family
That it's more important than being a kid and having a life

It taught us that if you spend time with loved once and didn't do your work, you're setting yourself up for failure

They pile us with work it feels like we cant breath
They never once thought of the other class assignments that must be due not even 24 hours later

They make us memorise things that will no longer be important when we apply for a job

We study for hours in hopes to pass that final test that we'll soon forget

But what are we suppose to say when someone asks us how we're feeling?
We were never taught that
We never memorised an equation to help us find the answer
We were only ever taught to keep our mouths shut and do our work

Its quite funny what we learn in school now
Things more than 80% of the students will never have to use let alone see again

School was suppose to prepare us for our future
For the job choice we pick

Instead we meet and learned quadratics and plant cells
We were taught homework is what your focus should always be on

We were never taught about the future and what to do

And most importantly
We were never taught how to love ourselves and the things we should be greatful for

They've turn us into sad, mindless robots that's are more concerned about grades and passing than whats going on with the family

We lock ourselves in our rooms doing homework for 6 hours than talking to our mothers or fathers who wonder about us

We were never taught the importance of family before it was too late

Every single highschool student wishes they can turn back the clocks, but it'll never work

We were taught the hard way that you don't really know what you have until its gone
Something we weren't prepared for

They never prepared us for the future
Instead, we prepare our self for the possible failing outcome

How are we suppose to make a living for ourselves when all we have learned was the stress over homework and family?
The depression over a failed test or assignment?
The lost feeling of the lost time?

How are we suppose to love ourselves when all we do is put yourself down because of school?

This education system never prepared us for anything
Instead, this education system officially has broken all of us.

Children born with *** is the most sadest thing in life. Everyday there is a child born with ***. The reason for this is because adults and children are ***** each and every day. By the curel careless people in this world. Kids are sent off to oprphanges in some parts in Africa where honestly is better then some other places in Africa. Thats not it though the ones that are not in oprphanges are at risk each and everyday for there lifes. Not only for this disease but for the curlest people that will **** them for basically no reason because they dont have freedom like we do. Why treat children this way period but why treat them especially if they have limited time in life. They dont get to see and experience what we get to see and experience because we have the freedom. Each and everyday children in Africa risk there lifes to go to school most of them don't survive because once again the cruel poeple in this world **** them. Unlike we get to go to school for free and have freedom. We get to have the oppertunity to have an education. When they are not even given a chioce. The kids that are not in a orphanage are slaves they get torchered they get wipped they even are forced to see there parents wipped, ***** and murdered. They dont have choices at all for there life the chioces are made for them. Barely any water to drink or even food to eat. Children in Africa die each and everyday either from ******, starvation, dehydration or there disease. We act so ungreatfully to people in our lives we should be ashamed. When poeple in Africa don't have parents or if they do they dont get to see unless seeing them be torchured. I am thankful for everything I have and the freedom I have. Learning about this in school was intrestingly horrifying because of what these people do to these children and there parents or to people in general. They dont get *** from chioce of *** or born with it or lack of condoms they are forced with this horrible disease that is life killing and that most likely turnes into AIDS. With out any medical or lack of medical attention the poeple with disease are left to die. With people torchering them by watching and ****** them each and every day. It makes me furious to know that there are children human beings out there that are being torchured, *****, murdered, starved and dehydrated each and everyday of life. This is the life to the day they are born untill the day they die. After reading this think really hard about your life and the things and people in your life is life really hard for you is it that painful is it that horrifying. Put yourself in there shoes would you like seeing your parents child or sibling get ***** murdered or even wipped each and everyday. going without food or water or having barely food or water. For me after writing this and learning it my whole life is heaven compared to them. I have everything they don't and better and  I am not even close to being as greatful as I should. Think about this and this is so very true this is there lives each and everyday for the children and adults that are slaves that have ***/AIDS in Africa.

i am grateful for stretch denim on days
when
          **** it
is a fashion statement
for lavender laundry detergent
because that smell reminds me of the home i've built in my head
for tea at
2 a.m.
when all the things i've done race in my head
because the next morning, i usually get my **** together
for colds
because they make eating an entire roll of cinnamon buns
completely justifiable
for the mountains that surround me
for NPR and good, rated M fanfiction
for def poetry when i can't find the right words
for finding a pack of cigarettes when it is only
11:30pm on a thursday night
and i am well past drunk in a slightly damp armchair
for harry potter and neil gaiman
for when twenty dollars fills up my gas tank
for my grandma's potato salad and biscuits with honey
for feminist zines that make me want to smash the patriarchy
for burts bees chapstick and jasmine-green tea
for friends who let me cry on their
bedroom floors
for books that keep me entertained
(even if that means me crying in my bathtub while reading them)
for courtney love and joan jett because those *******
have ridden in my car with me over many
heart-breaks
for well-water and sulfate free red wine
for johnny cash and new orleans and whiskey
for salt-- because that **** can wash away anything
for farmer's markets and co-ops
for bottles of water  and for cookie dough
when my mouth
is the consistency of cotton  and my mind is a little bit gone
for warm days in January and cold days in September
for breakfast and for hikes that begin at five a.m.
for summer nights drunk on wine and a little too much fire
for friends who call me 'momma bear' and for friends that call me 'baby bird'
for poems that give you cold chills
and flowers stolen from my neighbor's yard
for skin that smells like the sun and sage
for beeswax candles
and the smell of clean laundry
for days when i wake up and realize
i could have died on a bathroom floor

I have never witnessed true beauty until I first laid eyes upon you.

Dear Jessica,

I admit to you that you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my life. You have single handed changed my perception on the way I see beauty.
Your hair is fantastic. I love the many styles that you can really pull off; the tight bun in particular. Your face is as beautiful as a million foxes. I love staring into your dark beautiful eyes. I can sometimes get lost in your timeless eyes. Your nose is almost as cute as you are. Your lips are the most kissable lips, they are my favourite lips. I can kiss your lips all day, everyday. They are the only lips that make me happy.
Your smile is the greatest smile in the world. Never have I ever melted from a smile but you changed that. From your awkward smile to your "I love you so much," smile, I always melt inside. Your face is the warmest face to hold, to which I love holding. I love hearing your voice, your voice is like home to me.
Your neck is very great for kissing and giving hickies. I love giving you hickies. As well, you have a nice thin neck that girls would **** to have. Your shoulders are my favourite place, after your thighs, to rest my head on. May you have your scars on your shoulder, I will always accept you and love you no matter what. You have the most perfect *****. Your ***** are exactly the perfect size that I would like ***** to be. You also have nice ******* which in really greatful for. Your belly button is my favourite belly button and I love tickling it and kissing it. Your hands. Your hands are perfect fit for mine. Holding your hand is like putting on a glove that fits so well and feels so nice and warm. I love holding your hand. I use these hands for my basic survival and so do you and the fact that we take a moment to stop all that and connect with each other, it's so lovely. I've never felt so happy holding someone so closely by my side and showing them off to the world, having the world know that you're all mine. Your ****** is the greatest source of pleasure in the world, 'nuf said.
Your thighs are my favourite place to rest my head on. Your knees are so perfect and pure, I'm jealous. Your feet are so warm and precious when you put them up to mine for warmth when we're cuddling.
Jessica, you are the most amazing person in the world. There is no one I'd rather have.
You are so caring; you care about me, you worry for me, you actually take interest in what I have to say. You are alwaaays there for me; may it be something that you have no interest in or if I'm feeling insecure, I know that you'll always be there for me and will always listen. I don't know how you do it, but you put up with all my ****; I know I haven't been the greatest person to you at times and the fact that you go beyond that and still love me with all your heart just makes me melt completely. As well, you actually want to be apart of my life, doing everything with me, just being closer to me.
You honestly do so much for me, I sometimes don't even realize it to be honest. You are the greatest girlfriend that I've ever had, you are the greatest girlfriend that anybody would be lucky to have.
Jessica, you are so amazing. You're such a great painter and you're such a nice person. You have like the nicest style. You're also the smartest girl I've ever been into/dated. You're reallly smart. You think you're sometimes not that smart, but you're actually really smart.
I just want you apart of my life completely.
I love cuddling with you. That connection that we have, just laying together in each others' arms, it's so magical. I feel like I'm in another world when I'm with you. You've honestly made me a better man. I love spending time with you. We've been through soo much together, I can happily say that I am ready to spend the rest of my life with you. We also are so perfect for each other. May we not have exactly the same interests,  we have soo many things in common. And it's the fact that we're so different that makes me so attracted to you. I don't want another me, I want a Jessica. I'm so happy to have you, I'm the lucccckiest guy in the world to have you as my own forever. All those resteraunts we go to, all our little dates at my house, all the times we go to that park near your house, it's just so perfect.
I'm truly in love with you.
I know we've had our mistakes and issues in the past, but I promise that I will do whatever to fix our relationship because I value and cherish it.
Jessica, I honestly love the **** out of you.
You are mine forever.
I am so happy.

Stubbed toe
But you have your foot
Too busy to eat lunch
But fridge full of food
Stuck in traffic
But you own a car
Tired from no sleep
But you have a bed
Take a moment to see
All you have in this life
Give to those to don't ask
Love yourself and those around

When the world is in trouble and theres nowhere left to turn.
Well your **** outta luck till then theres the Gonzo report.

Live from hidden location in a Florida basment broadcasting
now it's time for the Gonzo report.
With your team of in depth and seldom sane news team.

Your anchor man Gonzo   co Anchor that Batsheba
weather chick Neva finally gotta mention Flores.
Sports with your favorite ****** Richard Shepard.

And then theres Paula Swanson  who's sitting on my other side
I dont really know why  but eveyone likes Paula so who gives a *****.
Who wants a sandwhich im just saying.
And are field reporters Jeremy Wyatt,Chris Smith,And Mr E,

This just in.
A old man lost control of his car running over 17 people
and seriously ******* off one dwarf.
And if your keeping track at home kids it's old farts 20 crazy texting while driving teen *****   15.

Theres big trouble in Cairo kiddies  with more  no the situation
are own version  of snooky Bathsheba   take it away.
the camera zooms into  the   queen of Hello.
I swear to God Gonzo if  dont back the **** up i will knife you
you crazy *******  and put some ****** pants on you ******.

Yes Bathsheba ******* the outside  and  kinda ****** all around as well
but enough with the foreplay children.
Oh look Paula made cookies!
Baths began here report on troubles that had befallen this country
And as i mixed a drink it made me wonder.
Were the **** is Eygpt.

Opps looks like i dropped my cookie.
Like a mighty ninja with a hot flash I was met with a searing
pain to my nose.
In the name of Cindy Crawford what was that for?

Thats for even thinking bout going under that table.
But .
No Baths replyed  then hit me again.
The pain the agony my modeling carear.

Now with coverage from the World Series  heres Richard Shepard
Richard Can you here us.
The cam camera  cut  to a shot of a monkey masterbaiting in the Bronx zoo.

Yes the production team of Goldie and Joel M Frye
when not watching hot oil dwarf  varsity wrestling death match
there top notch.

Richard  dear lord man were on air it's no time for that now.
This isnt Chris's  bachelor party.
That isnt Richard you ****** Baths  spoke in that charming yet
Voice that told me if i didnt stop I might get a free *** change
voice of her's.

And it's not the world Series you half wit it's the Superbowl.
No  wonder  there was no mention of the stanley cup.
Baths what do you not know.
So after i mixed another wild turkey and put a mirror under
Paula's nose to make sure she was still breathing.
I told her  the roofies really help with the nerves.

Finally The artist formely known as Jack Horner   was live on the screen  from some cult meeeting it appeared.
*** they've captured Fergie.
Richard take it away.

Well these ***** keeping fighting over this ball.    
Runnin back  and ****** forth its driving me ****** bonkers.
Oh yeah amigo I these knickers ya asked for.
Richard held a pair of black *******  to the camera yeah
smell of  no talent  and overproduced songs.
dam you slash.

Back in the studio.
Ummm haha well i didnt ask him to steal anyones *******.
Paula broke the awkward silence i dont wanna go to school.
Paula you alright?
***** you John Travolta.

Ok well also at the world series of poker Jeremy Wyatt and he's got a special guest Taylor Swift.
Great god of the traveling  flying squirrell monkeys pants.
anything but her.

Screaming like a naughty little school girl with a  bad texting  habit
on a unlimted plan i dove underneath the news desk for it's better
die at the heels of Baths and a tap dancing kinda drugged Paula than   face a evil more sinister than Drew Dillegence or Ghandi  combined.

Jeremy was in the danger zone note even knowing it for beneath that
yummy little body layed the soul of satan  himself.

It was Nashvile  a few whiskey laced years ago  I was a drummer
for local sessions  she was 16 I.
well I wasnt.
you mix in some drugs s0me cars crashes knocking over a liquor store or two.  
That little hell cat had a thirst for danger  and some  lets just say
weird habbits   okay it was more like a curse.

Strange things happend to here past lovers.
John Mayer,  The gay cowboy from Broke Back Mountain  you know
that movie about the sinking ship, and that lesbian  from the Jonas Brothers.

Yes just as soon as she wrote a song you were good as dead.
You'd vanish to here secret torture chamber were her music played
non stop   and your blood was drained slowley so she could feed
her own talent or lack there of.

Jermy puzzled  hey Gonz you there Baths umm Paula ?
Underneath the saftey of are second hand news desk hey look gum.
huddled togather like three okay one drunk monkey and a passed out frat sister and a very ******* Baths please dont stab me im
fragile   like a aged bottle of good whiskey im just saying.

We gotta make a brake for it look Baths  you distract her im blowing this joint  like a long winded madman  on a five day binge
let loose on old country buffet.

Baths   spoke   in a  language  that was always a challenge  for me
called sanity.
Gonz if you dont let me out from under this desk.
Im going to rip your heart out and feed it to the  homless dwarfs.
And heres a napkin Paula's drooling on you.

I have a heart?

After a brief break.
And another check to make sure Paula was still breathing we
returned.
Dear lord where's Jeremy!

Screams could be herd Jesus Richard   it's no time for killing hookers
But 10 dollar beers  are a real kick in the ***.
Oh well Wyatts  gone he'll be missed.
this just in Taylor Swift to release her new single Why  Not  Jeremy!

Dear lord sweet sallys *** it was code she had taken him hostage
in the love of all things lady gaga  someone had to save my amigo.
except me  cause that ***** was crazy  and she's got a hell of a bite
im just saying  stay  strong   Jeremy  and think happy thought's

I could feel the ****** clamps and smell the burning flesh
from the car battery as we speak but enough  bout me and skeeters
personal life.

now its time for the weather with finally she's gotta mention Neva voice like a angel  Flores.
thanks Gonz that southern bombshell replyed okay in the south.

Alright Neva that was great  like i need to hear the weather.
I havent been outside in  seven years.

This just in Mr E  has been taken hostage in Cairo.
Well kids all i can say is as much as this hurts
we dont deal with terrorist  like we could raise a hundred bucks.

The bulletin came across the wire Raitch with a look of dont **** with me   Gonzo  although Pepples  thinks your okay in a ***** kinda pervert way.

All hells breaking loose  a all girls school for hot super models    
in trainng.
Baths  in shock and mock concern replyed oh dear lord.
I dont who has chops to cover such a story in short notice.
Raitch  Oh Baths I dont know either   ive herd  there ripping  each others clothes off   hair pulling its worse than a prison riot with
hot half naked strippers.

Baths kept speaking but in the name of chain gang women
i was lost deep in thought over ******* and world events
while downloading  pictures of Fergie eating a banana
what im a health nut okay.

Yeah I dont know who should go cover such a story right now hint.
Gonzo Baths and Ratich spoke like a tag team of terror hint!
Hey I should go shouldnt  I  ?

Yeah Gonz  ya think ?

With some ***** looks from the people who much like my family
wish id forget there names.
So they wouldnt have to join the witnness relocation program
i love it when they play hard to get.

Finally i was off the trusty Gonzo Report news van  waitting for me a bottle of wild turkey and some fine reading materials by that thinkers mag hustler waitting in the back.

There my amigos stood standing togather waving goodbye.
crying tears of joy hey is that a keg?
Chris on the turntables im beginnning to think it was a party.

But if Chris  was there just who was driving the Gonzo van!

The little dwarf laughed in glee as we flew threw town
like Charlie Sheen on a coke binge.
I was tossed around  like a beach ball at greatful dead concert
as finally   over the cliff the van flew.

There was a explosion that could be herd for at least a half a mile
course that was drowned out by the party.

The party was in full swing  finally Paula awoke.
Hey what the  hell happend and why is Trimman
******* my leg?

                                  
                                  Is Gonzo really Dead?  
    
    Will Jeremy Wyatt ever escape the *** dungeon of Taylor Swift.
                    
                        Will Richard Shepard ever put out a book
                        how kick lots of **** yet win the hearts of millions
                        and do a co write with lady GaGa and Mel Gibson?


                    Will Neva Flores  get ****** over her five second
                     mention hunt me down  and torture me for hours
                     im just saying  a girls got needs.


                    Will Paula Swanson  kick Trimman like a field goal
                                                    or just pass back out?

               Find out in the next action packed trillogy  called
                                          The Death Of Gonzo  

                       Untill  Next Time Stay Crazy Kids

John Green made me sad in the best possible way...

So thanks

Augustus,who taught me to love people no matter what.

Hazel,for showing me we are all beautiful.

Alaska,for saying its okay to be a bit mischievous.

Pudge,for proving that you don't have to have millions of friends to feel loved.

The Coronel, for teaching me to believe in myself,no matter where I had come from.

Colin,for my eureka moment.

Both Will Graysons,for showing me is okay to not know exactly who you are.

And every character in Paper Towns,who just made me really happy.

But lastly and most importantly I'd like to thank John Green,because you made my life a better place with your books, and for that I'm forever greatful

Admirable, Blissful, Bewildered, Curious, Capable, Compassionate, Determined, Daring, Delighted, Dazzling, Eagar, Edgy, Enlightening Enthusiastic, Elegant, Fabulous, Fantastic, Forgiving, Fictitious, Fancy, Feminist, Glamourous, Gorgeous, Glowing, Guarded, Greatful, Generous, Gloomy, Happy, Honest, Hopeful, Humourous, Humble, Humane, Heartiest, Heavenly, Imaginative, Interesting, Inspiring, Intellegent, Incredible, Impressive, Important, Indecisive, Invisible, Jinxed, Joyous, Judicious, Justified, Jobless, Jiggish, Jimp, Jittery, Jazzy, Jaunty, Kindhearted, Keen, Knowledgable, Kiddish, Knavish, Knockout, Kempt, Kween, Kin, Kittens, Kinder, Lazy, Luxurious, Lively, Loyal, Limit, Laminated, Lawless, Lightning, Lushious, Luminous, Lovesick, Logical, Modest, Marvelous, Motivated, Music, Momentous, Mindful, Magical, Memories, Merciful, Mellow, Mesmerizing, Malicious, Mannered, Noble, Nervous, Night, Naive, Noted, Natural, Nifty, Nurturing, Never-ending, Noteworthy, Neglected, Narnia, Native, Number 1, ***, Openhearted, O Canada, Obviously, Obidient, Obsessions, Open-minded, Oriented, O.K., Observing, OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD, Omnicient, Outshining, Obliged, Obsticles, Passionate, Personally, Poetry, Picture-Perfect, Positivity, Pulse, Painful, Physic, Power, Protagnist, People-Person, Pros, and Cons, Purity, Purpose, Pleasant, Pieces, Quiet, Quality, Quick, Quoted, Queen, Quirky, Quintessentially, Quest, Quick-Minded, Questionable, Quarter, Quiver, Quiddity, Quiescent, Qui vive, Quip, Quantity, Ravishing, Rapport, Reliving, Reassuring, Rebal, Rainbows, Reckless, Relaxing, Respect, Remedy, Regrets, Right, Relatable, Reliable, Rad, Ready, Responsible, Rainy days, Sagacious, Salutary, Sassy, Secure, Self-assured, Self-reliant, Self-confident, Self-disciplined, Selfless, Sensational, Sensitive, Stars, Shawn Mendes, Sénorita, Sentimental, Set, Serene, Seamless, Significant, Sightly, Trustworthy, Talented, Tender-hearted, Thriving, Thankful, Titanic, Touché, Touchy, Transparent, True, True-blue, Traveller, Transpicuous, Titillating, Timeless,Tidy, Teasing, Tender, Terrific, Thorough, Thrilling, Unarguable, Ultimate, Undefining, Under-the-weather, Unalloyed, Unassuming, Uncommon, Understandable, Undivided, Unique, Unlimited, Unstoppable, Uplifting, Upbeat, Uber, Unconvensional, Uhuh, Unbelieveable, Under control, Unquestionable, Utter amazment, Valiant, Valuable, Valid, Veridical, Valiant, Vibrant, Vigorous, Vigilant, Victorious, Visions, Vivid, Voluptuous, Vulnerary, Vulnerable, Venust, Veracious, Vestal, Violen, Vroom Vroom, Victory, Vows, Wake me up, Wise, Welsome, Well-behaved, Welcoming, Well-grounded, Woke, Whimsical, Whistler, Wholesome, Wired, Witty, Wondrous, Whilst, Winter, Wonderful, Wide-Awake, Walk it like I take it, ****-bang, Wishful, Wellness, Worth it, World-Class, Xo, Yolo, Zero

Im happy like a raindbow
which ends with a *** of gold
Im greatful like a raindbow
which is glad its colourfull
Im laughing like a rainbow
which is happy
Im joyful like a rainbow
having fun like the clouds
Im cheerfull like a rainbow
which twinkles in the sky
Im incredible like a rainbow
which lights up te sky
Im loving like a rainbow
which males your day
Im nice like a rainbow
because in a sight of happyness

My big brother, big sister and I .
Fourteen ,ten and I was nine,
Cried more  tears then we ever cried.
Our mother had committed suicide.We'd already been through  qiute a bit. We were babtized that lifes one thing you  just cant quit.Our Mom committed the biggest sin.I refused to imagine which place she  was in.It was the one thing I couldnt bare.   I d  seen alot more evil then Id ever  seen of good\ We found our selves there questioning  God.My brother  bent his brow and gave a  nod. He thought a careful moment  and scratched his  head.He  then leaned in close and this is what he said, "For right now how about looking at ot like this Instead..?
You  don't have to wait till your
darkest hour. To admit to yourself
you believe in a higher power.
It's like telling white lies ,everyone
knows  we all  do it. And you know
they do it too.Don't believe me?
I can proove it to you. Proove me wrong,
I dare you to. Take this dare.  
Bowed in prayer,Be thankful for  care.
Greatful hearts for all our mercies and despair.
Be Blessed, us all,your  with the gifts we recieve.
Wealth of knowledge from lessons
in the burdens that we bare.
Our faith mirrors our existance.
A life worth living.Sharing and giving,
helping hand one good deed,
without expectation.With out even a whisper
of taking credit.An angel to guard
inpure thoughts,another for my words.
Together  both in charge of my deeds.
Provide for my essential needs.
So that I don't mistake them for my wants.
The regret that haunts.Gifts of good fortune
one never flaunts.When
we fail to fullfill.No weapon or pill
upon my own self be done.
Judging no one.
gossiping upon no one. Do not listen
nor tell Any one.No false pride
Or mask to hide.Beauty comes from
whats inside. Swallow your pride
I am forgivin. I will forgive,
because we are human. Because
we live. Give what you can give.
.No less,When the cuphas been filled
it can hold no more.We've done our best.
When in error just confess.
No man alive.Him nor I ,
has the right to choose
how either of us die. Do not lie.
When I look at him and he looks at me,
We are not consumed with greed or envy.
I refuse to be his enemy,the way  that satan
would like it to be, I have no hate in me.
Music and love, respect and honesty,
Wheather or not anyone else can see.Patience
understanding and an opened mind.And being
somebody  to believe. Being someone
whose kind.Being somebody
that somebody can trust. Be fair and be just.
Be very wary of whomever you lust.
Look down on no one unless your
helping them stand, if put in power
don't be grand.Don't let that power go to your head
Keep it in your heart instead.And every night
when you go to bed.Bow your head  and pray.
I promise if you live this way. And say this poem
every day. Unhappiness will stay away.You
will not be afraid.You  will not want for anything.
You'll be pleasantly  surprised at what each day will bring.
And everyone around you will see it too.
You will be sufficiantly sufficed. It's not  a  religion
It's called living life. It's that feeling you feel
right now inside. It  won't be denied.
It's believing in my believing in you,
It's me believing you two feel that too.
You can call it God...
You can call it whatever you to.
Call it love.It's in each of us.
This power thats greater and higher above.
But its not about religion  or going along
You know the difference betwren right and wrong .Your hard enough on yourself when the heat is on.And most imortant of anything at all if you absolutely HAVE to lie....
......look them in the brows....not in the eyes.
Amen.

I feel like a ****
I feel that Bae is furious
I feel all I do to her is irk
Yet, it still remain curious

Bae says she is far from livid
She says that she never is mad
At points in time I feel timid
I feel like I've done something bad

But still, I remember the blithe times
Although I get worried, she's cute
And although I feel I commit crimes
I know it's just sarcastic, endearing dispute

And so no one is melancholy
I have no reason to be glum
Because there is no felony
Oh, Bae, why am I so dumb? ;P

Bae, you make me so very joyful
I won't forget you till the end of time
I feel utterly greatful
And I'm sorry I have run out of rhymes

The sadness and horror that our society has created,
we think we have problems but we don't know
the roads that others have to go.

The problems they face
the heart sore the pain
whilst most of us sit around , moan and complain

Think of what you have and not what you don't
never let selfishness destroy you

listen to me don't  be sad or depressed just love what you have
be joyous don't pity cause trust me it wont be pretty
be a person with pride not with regret

enjoy your life
and enjoy the things that some don't get

I have fallen, I have crawled,
Through the darkest moment,
In the darkest hour as it drained my power,
I never gave up,
I kept on climbing the mountain of success,
Constantly been consumed by the pain of the rough edges,
Spontaneously been drown in my own, actions & reflection,
My heart cannot adequately express my feelings in this scripture,
which I have written in my leisure,
I asked the world what is the way through,
It said I'm at liberty to what I do,
In the restless & reckless moment,
I never gave up the momentum,
I was always driving & aspiring to be on top,
It is undoubtedly & conspicuously visible
It been a year of memories,breakdown,
But never the less,
I never melt down,
Thank you lord for a year well spent,
It sweets my spine,
And my eyes soaked in tears of joy,
Knowing you made me enjoy this year without fear,
I look forward to 2014,
For more blessings with no lessons to reap,
Alhamdhulillah

Subtle focus
Small screen

Background hiss
Comfortable silence

Under cover
Night clad

Muffled yawn
Greatful smile

Quietly observe
Closest distance

Pink lips
Soft hue

Bright eyes
Hazel, brown

Heads met
With pillows

Lights off
Laptop light

Speaking whispers
Eye contact

"Okay."
"Okay."

My father's sister Salome crossed the rainbow bridge she was my French and native link to family root I found after 28 years appart
My daughter Rose drove us to a nearby ocean front to apeace
my grief, breathing in the gentle
sea breeze and sitting on the sand together
Other people enjoyed beach activities too
I had water in a paper cup
but no food remained in a bag,
when a crow unexpectedly landed alone by my side
no other raven/crow were seen.
perhaps attracted to my silvery long hair flying maybe from
my daughters house 1 mile away from Marina where I often fed crows and ravens cat food.
This raven/crow's feathers glistened in magestic dark bluish green hues. I'd caress its plumage but didn't not to ***** it
it wasn't my purring feline!
It deared trust me further  though pointing it's beak at my cup of water and it drank thirstily as I held it joyfully to its beak gently quietly as it drank;
then it pointed its beak
to the empty bag so I
appologized moved in regret
for no more food was in it.

My girl took photos of this awesome moment but she
never mentioned its greatness again my Rose simply said something unexpected to me
"don't feed crows in my home"
Jeff does't like them around!
and I felt her tongue's needle
also in my heart!
Such rare moment in time
a universe in itself!
time had stoped!
with a hungry raven/crow
this tender moment
lived only in my memory
without the pictures taken
untill now sharing one crow's gentle greatness and courage
to land close to one human
seeking food.
The graceful raven/crow's
encounter!
Rosie's own loving mom,
instantly reveared and
trusted BEST by a greatful intuitive trusting creature
a raven/crow!
How special it made me feel!
to choose me by the sea.
How deep my girl's comment
stung that since married
Rose behaves indifferent
where once tenderly moved!
wrongly misguided by
strange racist bad people 
Rosie"s hill billy superstitious
ignorant white trash in laws.
My evil ex's sister ugly snake
in every Mothers paradise
a "fat pig" she calls herself a Mansons advocate almost
turned me into a murdered pregnant Sharon Tate!
Lizz in the habit of arranging
calls to my three girls in laws, sons in law, my old boss at various employment
bussnessess a hate crime of old
saying my name and cursing them so I get fired then telling my girls nobody liked me at work either! brain washing them
and assassinating my character!
Lizzz since age 12 a drug user ******* to control rage in her brother two pees in a pod
my ex once told Lizz in a moment of lucidity;
"you'll never be half the
woman my Mexica-American beautiful wife is."
Since then my life is hell
No. I don't blame Lizz shes mad
I blame myself trusting her
hearless impotent brother
my grown girls are under their spell they mingle with vipers now
Surely even a courageous
greatful raven/cow has
more grace and common
sence to trust me Mom
to nourish and care for it.

This is my life in the big
apple USA
who wants my script!?
it's up for sale!
povery is a *****! please hurry.
or I'll be famous after death!.
~~~~~~~~
By:Karijinbba
All Rights Reserved
Revised 4/2/19
(excerpt from my memoir!)
(AA/Bba/Asg. (proudly)

I am greatful that
I do not know
Everything
That would
be such a burden
To be different
      From
   Everybody
  Else
Eek

The heavenly, upon the mortal earth, they gracefully fall,
Be it the burdened Oak leaves fiercely stripped of all.
For upon the ground do these golden items lay a’peace,
But surely does such great flare and color cease.
And surely will, what once golden, now deceased, rot and fade,
Giving way to the diet of worms to consume, ‘til it decayed,

For it is winter that draws a’near this dreadful season,
The abandoned of life around is but the resulting reason.
Before the heavenly sheet masks the lonesome land,
Before the clouded skies return its fated demand,
Fly, fly, must these cherished birds to the South,
The directions, to each other must they then mouth.

Oh, to be’st the bird, should we all greatly wish,
Employed not, yet only to feed upon its dish.
And only to have the needs that truthfully count,
That of which are life, food, and shelter we all discount,
Beclouded, must we as the greatest individuals be,
Ungrateful for the things that we have been given free.

And so, must we mask our needs with things we pretend,
Are of greater value than those we should really commend.
But yes, a lonesome bird needs not to think nor fear,
Of its faithful future that slowly creeps a’near.

For a bird needs not to worry about fulfilling its dream,
To be’st alive is but a greater gift than those extreme,
Until he who thinks the greatest individual is himself draws near,
And from their body and soul must apart he tear.
To hold the trophy of the superior being,
Must those of inferiority lay rest or fleeing.

Oh, to be a bird is but a greatful and heavenly life,
Free of humanly constructs acting as both blade and knife,
That tears and shed and manipulates the human soul,
Forcing one to live beneath the abysmal hellish hole.
Free of that treacherous label of both race and class,
Free from that stamp of color and wealth and belief, alas.
Free from the tortures that upon themselves humans place.
Free from the superior mind that games itself as disgrace.
Free from the jealousy that roots in one,
When another finds of a greater sum.
Free from the troubles that root in the Earthly land nigh,
For upon the Heavens may these birds undoubtedly fly.

And to fly a’South, is all that these birds gracefully do,
So to the treacherous North, do they bid their adieu.

Standing by the road side
Thumbing a ride
Sleeping Bag, Backpack
And...Guitar on my back
Heat rolls off the Highway
Like Hallucinogenic Waves
Found a Roach in my pocket
Got me through the Day
Nothing but 70s Buick's...
And Cadillac's Roll By
On the on ramp to  I-80
Rolling on to  West Skies
A wish for a fast ride's best
Been up for 36 Hours
Popping Little White Crosses
Nothing Passing by but...
Military bosses.........
A VW Micro-bus pulls up
With a Band of Tie Died, Dead
Heads, cranking Jerry Garcia
The smoke the bowl, Kept on Toking
Greatful Dead played "Keep on Truckin' "
I Rolled off some Riffs, along with the Band
Flyin' 300 miles in that beat up old Van
My head got mellow, with these fine Fellows
They Dropped me off in the cool of the Night
And all I saw of them was their Red Tail Lights...1/27/15

To people who think there life is terrible.,

Did your pet die? Did you break up? Did you have a fight with your parents?
Is that why you want to die? Do you think your life is that bad? There are people who have worse problems than that. So don't think your life is bad. There is worse. Be greatful that you are living a great life.

And to people who have worse problems than others,

Did your parents die? Did your house burnt down? Are you about to die right now? Did you get a terrible disease? Is your coutry about to extint?

Believe me there is worse. Be greatful who you are and what you go through. There is worse out there.

So be greatful. Be happy.

Our feet are in the water, we exhale the semester away, and kiss the moon goodnight.

A sporadic membrane of white motion paves the way for daybreak...a moonset for the books that feigns the horizon's onlookers for a thirsty tangerine.

We tread back...slow and steady. Music sets the mood, too loud perhaps, but we are outside after all, so who cares.

I settle heavy upon the sweet and salty cushion. I fell the tremble as the earth inhales and exhales.

I look up, that endless span of spilt milk prompting reflection--my gaze upon a picture that my brother, a thousand years gone by, too admired.

We think that we are so much smarter now. How often we laugh at our naive predecessors and how quick we are to praise our clever selves. Isn't it so much easier now? To cook? To sleep? To dance?

But we are no better off now than ever before. We fail to recognize the relative ailments that ******* our generation same as plague and epidemics past.

We must humble ourselves...must realize how truly insignificant our little speck of an existence is in the grand scheme of happenings and play things.

To compare the human condition on earth with that of the blink of an eye, on universal terms, is only to begin to understand how little our time here matters. So get over your affliction, you poor you-you. Stop your anger. End your sadness. Feel greatful that your person was important enough to matter to you for a moment. Feel even more greatful if yours was the genuine concern of another.

Mind your gaze, please and thank you, find the sun, and say your prayers.

On October the 15th
she gave birth to me
A man with good morals
is what she trained me to be
She showed me the meaning
between right and wrong
In return for that
I wrote a tribute, this song
Most importantly
am I greatful for her love?
Her passion, her concerns?
No, all of the above
She's my hero, role model
and my idol
She would cheer me up with prayers
and verses from the bible
As corny as I thought that was
I now admit
That they stuck with me forever
those words I won't forget
I've been truely blessed
to have her as my mother
She kept me warm when life was cold
She was my cover
In her I have something
a lot of people are missing
That's a parent that truly cares
and is always there to listen
She keeps me on track
when I lose my focus
She inspires me to rap
She's the reason i wrote this
And now as I open
the doors of my life
Some have been exposed
some were kept shut tight
Like the week I turned ten
my mama went blind
I wish I could go back
but I know I can't rewind
I can't fast foward, I can't pause
I remain on play
For now we'll have to
remember those days
Before being laid off
she worked three years without sight
If you triple that
that's nines years she showed me the light.
And showed me the way
to live my life right
So every single day
I continue to fight
I continue to write
and continue to pray
saying: "God, give her back her sight one day."
Until then I'll try to envision
what she visions
And do what she always does
remain optimistic
Realistically
this might sound bad
But it was good, through it I learned
to grow up so fast
She did work in this time too
She learned to play guitar
She wrote a book, ran a marathon
She's a superstar
She preaches now
and teaches me so much
I can't deny the struggle
Going through it was tough
I used to cry when I was young
Saying, "God I've had enough."
Everytime I gave up
She lifted me up
I'm going to change the world one day
Really make her proud
I'm a "Mama's Boy!"
Not ashamed to say it loud
There's some irony
about my mommy dearest
Even though she's blind
to me she sees the clearest
She sees the good in people
and understands the bad
She's so real and so pure
her struggle makes me sad
But like I said, be positive
like the blood type
When she sees again we'll rejoice
and get up hype
Her love I'll recycle
I'll make it everlasting
Treat it like a song
headphones on with it blasting
I'm going to have a wife
and love her the way she loved me
When we have kids
I'll raise them the way she raised me
She taught me about love
She taught me about life
She taught me how to grow
and how to treat people right
She told me not to quit
but when I'm wrong to admit
She taught me about women
said, "Jimmy simply listen."
She said, "Just cause you dropped out
doesn't mean you can't learn.
The soul is a fire
and it will always burn."
She taught me everything
and forever I'll vow
I couldn't have done this alone
Mom, you showed me how.

To all hello poetry poets who follow and support me... Just wanna thank you from the bottom of mine heart for all your support love, friendship, knowledge, wisdom and beautiful works of heaven you all write.. Thank you for liking mine work and showing me there is still love left on a planet that's being overtaken with hatred and evil.... As tis I will support you and try to find the lost poets who are NOT noticed those quiet and hidden poets and overlooked poets. The ones in the back of the room. The new age classics... As we all should find the unspoken poets work and push it.... As there are so many unknown lost beauties of work.... Thank you all for support and blessings and giving me new friendship and light to shine upon me. May God bless you on this day or night to you. And daily for you. And especially to mine queen Earl Jane... I love you forever mine soul. Mine soulmate .. Mine Reyna. Mine love. Mine amour'... Mine all!!!!! As tis Jane today and everyday I'm blessed to have you and greatful to have a godsend from heaven to earth to protect and love me. God bless our love queen as Lennon put it... I love you all and thank all of you...

God bless

Brandon cory Nagley
Lonesome poet's poetry creator...

We always  need something new.
Have you noticed?
We have become so unpleaseable
And everything  comes so upgradeable.
I miss simplicity.
The days were i didnt worry much.
Getting older *****.
We got jobs
Families
Harder School
And all of thay stuff
But yet
We want more
More
More
More
New things
More
Fun
More
Drama
More
Hate.
We need to take a mintue
To be greatful
For what we have been lucky  enough
To have

to my wonderful parents
i love you
flaws and all
you made me
this handsome young man
grew to be six feet tall
i have my mother's skin
but my father he lies within
the strength and patience
to fight through the wicked
i have done great things
in this world of
hate and corruption
but my parents virtues
show the light
in the darkest situations
you showed me the truth
when i told you lies
dont do dumb ****
or on the floor i lie
life's lessons started
with you two
god blessed me
with a father
and mothers
HA HA i have two
Cynthia came along
what perfect time she did
made my father happy
im so glad you slid
into our picture
made it all sappy
from love and affection
for us and our pappy
i love you and thank you
makin my life
so near to perfection

William
my baby brother
earth's finest gentleman
you make me proud
day in and day out
makin moves to
move on from another
showing genuine feelings
something i thought
the world was without
you give me reason
to keep my best face
cause you carry the
worlds face on your brow
lighten up baby bro
it only gets worse
but if u let it
your world can get better
continue to love
your enemies and friends
cause hate gives them power
that wont let you live
happy and stressfree
so pick that chin up
hold ya head up high
cause i love you bro
your a better guy than I

Toni
my wittle sister
the twin sent from above
we share the same bday
as well as the same love
thank you for showing
this lost boy turning man
how to treat these ladies
with love and respect
even on the days when
those horns start showing
the wild child of us 3
you have given me
plenty of laughs and memories
without you in my life
half would be missing
our birthday would be
a celebration and a funeral
that means yay
Wayne is older
and boo whoo
the anniversary is no more
we are too much alike
not sad but true
my mirror image
if i were a girl
i would have been you!

to my friends
old ones and new
imma take this time
to give shoutouts
to each one of you
the days i sit around
lookin worn out and through
your face shows up
then mischeif we get into
so many stories
they lead into great tales
ill forever be greatful
in this poem
you can tell
cause im thanking
each one of my comrades
multitudes of gratitude
all you fools
feed my soul food

to those in my life
who **** me off
and cause more strife
i thank you
a little more than most
so i can boast
my victory when i conquer
the obstacles you set
and the limits you show
since you are
too cowardly
to let a brother
go the distance
this body will allow
im shootin for Pluto
but when i listen
to the **** you throw
i dont shoot past
the dusty *** flo'
friends might fit here
family members fit also
so if you figure
you fit in this stanza
dont get angry
sad or discouraged
cause you help me out
more than you ever knew it.

May all who i have lost ride with me
Their hands steady on my shoulder
I ride for them though they not know
that when i ride it isn't for show
I ride for the escape, to flee my chains
To ride the wind and outrun the rain
I ride for being greatful i am still alive
and am saddened for all who never try
And on a sunny day within a mile
i drop a tear or two above a sly smile
To ride is to honor the thrill within
Acknowledge the fear and accepting it in
and if i lay over or my rear stray away
let my allies of angels rite my way