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Anythin' I want...
Everythin' I've ever wanted...
Anythin' I dream...
Everythin' I've ever dreamed...
Brings my heart; to you!

Anythin' I desire...
Everythin' I've ever desired...
Anythin' I fantasize...
Everythin' I've ever fantasized...
Brings my heart; to you!

your hugs, your kisses-
your touch, your caress-

Ahh Baby, just like that...
You've had me fallin' from the start!

your hugs, your kisses-
your touch, your caress-

Every day I'm fallin'
a lil' more-

your hugs, your kisses-
your touch, your caress-

Every want...
I've ever wanted!
Every dream...
I've ever dreamed!
Every desire...
I've ever desired!
Every fantasy...
I've ever fantasized!

your hugs, your kisses-
your touch, your caress-

Anythin' and Everythin'...
Brings my heart; to you!
Cause of the day...
I was Yours~

your hugs, your kisses-
your touch, your caress-

You're My
Anythin' and Everythin',
but yet...
You're My Someone
I shouldn't have!
but...
each hug, each kiss-
each touch, each caress-
then I want and dream
of more!
still...
each hug, each kiss-
each touch, each caress-
then I desire and fantasize
of more...
with You!

Cause of...
your hugs, your kisses-
your touch, your caress-

You're my
Anythin' and Everythin'!
"My" Mr. Someone Special who's
hugs, kisses-
touch, caress-
I want! I dream!
I desire! I fantasize!

Mmm, Baby, yea...

2007

COPYRIGHT; Sabrina Denise Healey,
~Angelmom~
Jeremy Betts May 2022
(too long version)

Life indeed pushed me to the edge of the cliffs end but the jump was my decision, no one there could ever be bothered to care enough to even explore the simplest question much less begin thinkin' about askin' what I was thinkin' when I settled on the option I ultimately, on more than one occasion, failed at miserably while attemptin', like the byproduct of rabbits ******' my faults are multiplyin' as my spark goes dark at the same time my shine went dim, not worth restorin' this vessel that sits as decoration in a white trash front lawn deterioratin', startin' from the back end then devourin' the engine

One step forward, two giant leaps back pedalin', that was the general motion of regression, lookin' like I'm plagiarizin' Michael Jackson when he's on stage performin', masterin' that classic moon walkin' he's known for doin', never as smooth as him but you get the picture I'm paintin', losing track of my destination as it began droppin' out of sight behind the horizon, followin' the trail the sun was blazin'

Can't see the forest for the trees and vegetation, could have heard the pre-lumber fallin' if you would only humor me and at least pretend to listen, but that there is somethin' you have zero interest in which is interestin' cause if the past has taught me anythin' about what you find pleasure in it's that you're lovin', above everythin', the chance to keep pointin' out and highlightin' how I'm a terrible human bein', a garbage person but not a man and no CDL license, I'm not pickin' up the trash I'm metaphorically dwellin' in only then to have it pile back up again times ten, ultimately creatin' my own land fill location within, wilfully lettin' recycled misfortune to continue hittin' me on the chin, it's due to inadequate trainin', not for the lack of tryin' to defend

No direction just a lie practiced to perfection too keep 'em from noticin' my state of depression, leave 'em guessin'. But to keep the honesty rollin' in I have a confession, I'd loan you the money to pay attention but you'd never take that good for nothin' offerin' and I ain't even placin' blame, just sayin', I know my position, I'm fully aware I'm on the losin' end of this game of tug-a-war life and I are playin', though I think it's cheatin', countin' cards to ensure a win, gamblin' that I'll give in and fold before noticin' I'm the mark bein' taken, the journey of life is a rigged expedition

What am I doin' besides losin'? Why am I here became the daily question, how do I get out this mess of confusion that's drownin' me to the point of extinction? It's an impossible equation even for a mathematician with years of education, so you know for certain I'm lyin' when, for no good reason, I have a go at answerin'. The slipknot is workin' just as I was expectin', slippin', goin' taunt, slidin' into its final position

I should mention, if you're thinkin' this has taken place solely for attention you're sorely mistaken, you never come to that realization, dodgin' conversation in an attempt to avoid confrontation, leavin' me noticin' there's no one standin' by and extendin' a hand to help and lookin' back there's never been. No one attendin' my lonely execution by decapitation in an effort to stop the spreadin' of harmful misfortune I feed myself, bad for my mental health, a deadly addiction that's become somewhat of a tradition through repetition, turnin' a weapon on myself, worsenin' my condition, that's a fact based observation not an opinion

No resolution in the hard hitting revelation that there's no salvation for someone who's gone and done what I've done and gone on livin' in a web of fear that I first spun for protection but couldn't stop the infestation from gainin' the traction it was needin' for the completion of my complete elimination

Cravin' anythin' real to place my faith in, I'm bein' told the hate and pain I'm bathin' in is of my own creation, I can see the connection as I sit broken down in the intersection of real life and fiction, I've lost control again and once again there's no mulligan. Am I seein' the glass half full or half empty or maybe it's all an illusion regardless of perception? Lost my vision, can't see through the pollution and corruption runnin' rampant with no solution comin', I'm a simpleton so this ***** gettin' confusin', a complete brain malfunction

I've awoken the beast within and just as I was predictin' we instantly began battlin' to the death, fightin' for position and a quicker end to the situation I'm always findin' myself in then findin' out for myself that it's always been my own reflection startin' back in my direction, the ugly inside is finally outwardly projectin', can't even pretend to be my own friend, enough is enough, I'm saying when

Its lurkin' just under the skin, waitin' for the moment to strike and beat me down to nothin'. When will it end? Never I'm guessin'. I'm gonna have to try to put an end to it all myself again, tirin' of the repetition to the point I usually take no action, sometimes due to exhaustion but still just lettin' it all happen like that's what I was plannin' from the beginnin' but that makes about as much sense as quittin' ****** right after the needles insertion or waitin' till after overdosin'

Frustration givin' way to aggravation and aggression leavin' little satisfaction even if I could squeak out a win, but I'm no longer wastin' time waitin' for that to happen so I'll probably most likely be caught sleepin', dreamin' about what could've been had I listened to my gut feelin' and put in the same amount of stock I place in what my treasonous mind and heart are always sayin'
and not let doubt creep in and claim top billin' as it's permanent position, knocking out compassion and reason, replacin' both with the hate and weight of a nation

It's a fools mission, I WILL be beaten' into submission, the last thing I'll hear as my energy gives up on existin' is the mortician statin' then time stampin' my expiration, that and the body bag zippin', family left pickin' out a coffin from the bargain bin, not worth payin' a fortune, only payin' little respect to the fallen then quickly forgotten at the drop of a pin

You're sayin' I have a purpose but I'm witnessin' me wastin' every minute of the earths rotation and never reachin' the conclusion that I was slackin', far to laxed in the preparation for a home invasion of this mental prison I'm caged in where I'm servin' a life sentence and I'm mentally and emotionally starvin' while my vision of any kind of future begins to darken

No open invitation, but that's not stoppin' my personal demon from just walkin' right in and startin' the killin' spree up once again, focusin' first on positive motivation just for existin', of course that's just my imagination, but could you imagine? A horrible vision to the average pedestrian, I know, but I still crack a grin at the thought of it happenin', the devil on my shoulder is at it again

My light fractured through a prism and some went missin' and I never got around to lookin' so no chance of gettin' it back into my possession, there's no raignin' it in, goin' from a fools errand to a search and rescue mission seemingly overnight but for what reason, just to teach me a lesson? I don't test well, I won't make it to graduation

Choices made out of desperation got me lookin' and feelin' like a felon, to survive I had to become the villain of the biography I'm narratin', this isn't livin', at best it's just barely holdin' on for dear life and weakenin', a measly attempt at survivin', forced into an intimate relation with the unforgivable, each of the sinful deadly seven

The line not to cross was paper thin, walked it like a drunk person in front of a couple corrupt police men, heathens but feelin' better than, lost control long ago, before I fell off the wagon, I ain't talkin' about drinkin', it started way back when with prescription medication, ones that were suppose to be helpin' but then used for wreckreation and that's when it began draggin' me down to an underground parkin' garage elevation

I didn't have a break down, like I said, it was a break in home invasion with the assumption there was somethin' worth takin' to begin with but everythin' inside is broken and you can see the corrosion of the foundation built on sand, makin' this temple worth nothin', even self worth is fadin'

Graspin' at the air and yet again findin' nothin', grapplin' with the notion I'm nothin', prayin' my emergency flotation device will suffice cause the water is ragin', feelin' the undertow currant strengthen in it's concentration, I think it's attackin' and there's no escapin' so I began blinkin' SOS in old fashion morse code hopin' you don't need help with the translation, if that's the case then I'm done for, why bother debatin', I'll take myself out of the equation, preparin' my soul for the comin' evacuation

You begin lyin' just to raise my spirits but I ain't buyin' into what you're sellin', counterfeit concern bein' spoken with no emotion or conviction, after the extensive evaluation I see it's no garden of Eden I'm livin' in, again, someone's been lyin', I'd be wakin' right into the den of a rabid lion shrouded in original sin, I ate the fruit knowin' full well it was forbidden, straight up poison but zero ***** were given, so this was bound to happen, the writin' was on the wall, who am I kiddin'?

You have my permission to begin the process so let's just go ahead then and get this over with so I can silence the voices within, I've eliminated every complication, layin' on the tracks at the crazy train boarding station, awaitin' the unavoidable, provin' I was correct in the assumption that this is the right time to initiate my endin', a personal Armageddon...oh, well hello, you must be that Satan guy I've been hearin' so much about from everyone preachin' directly in my ear then going out the other, it's still hard not to listen, I'm just tyin' up a loose end or two then I'm yours for the takin'

...alright, thanks for waitin', now then, let the journey to my endin' begin shall we? I'm takin' the lead on this one cause I know where we're goin' and I'm no good at followin' direction...obviously, it goes without sayin'

©2022
Kunzite Hewitt Aug 2010
First, I would like to introduce Grayasety. She was a young girl, had soft strands of medium-short caramel hair, and she had green-blue eyes that looked like miniature earths. She was indeed a pretty girl and she was of average height, and had a healthy body. She also had a slight southern drawl; her mother was from Texas. She loved going on boat voyages as her father was the captain of a ship named Gray Asety, named after Grayesty, so she was often training to go on voyages.
                  One morning, just like any other ordinary morning, Grayasety left her house for the next-door stable with her baby sitter, Kinberly, which was part of her father’s crew.  Today was the big day, the day when Grayasety was going to go on a voyage with her father as an official crewmember. Today was Grayasety’s 13th birthday; today was the day when she was old enough to work on her father’s ship! Therefore, she gaily whistled and skipped along the road. It had always been her dream to work on her father’s ship, and today, finally, her dream was coming true. When she got to the stable she blew her small, pink whistle that, to human ears would make no sound, and like every morning her best friend, (which had the ability to morph into animals) trotted tiredly out of the stable in the form of a beautiful brown mare. The huge animal yawned and said, “Morning Kin!” And then addressing Grayasety she said, “ Well, well, little missy what do you want me to be today?” Today Grayasety wanted Mila to be a green parrot, Grayasety was obsessed in the color green, and Mila had reluctantly obeyed, the trio set off for the fresh smelling bay.
Kinberly, and Mila worked on the Gray Asety. Mann Forumest, or Captain Daddy as Grayasety called him had met Grayasety’s mom working as a crewmember on the Majesty, a steamboat. Grayasety’s mother, Magnolia Scott Forumest was the assistant cook. They married, but kept their jobs until one day when Grayasety was about five, the Sea Bandits, a notorious group of pretty woman stealers, kidnapped Her mother.
                        While on sea, Grayasety shared a rather large suite in the ship with her father. In the Bedroom were two desks, one big and one small, and in the corner was a bunk bed, the top bunk badly painted in green and the bottom bunk still bearing its natural mahogany color. Grayasety was sitting in her little green desk, scribbling madly in her deep green diary. Grayasety *** a liking of scribbling and those who have know her long enough could read her scribbles like one would writing. She could read and write although she was nowhere near a strait A student.
                   After a while Grayasety decided to bother her father and, forgetting to switch into her lime green boots, shinnyed up the main stairs to the deck in her faded fluffy mint green slippers. Mila, perched comfortably on Grayasety’s shoulder, started telling her that she was wearing her slippers when Grayasety shoved a faded green pacifier in Mila’s mouth; Grayasety often did this to keep Mila quiet.
Mila, not enjoying the dusty, stale taste of the pacifier unhappily decided to keep her mouth shut until Grayasty got in a better mood. In truth Grayasety was in a marvelous mood and rather liked shoving pacifiers in Mila’s mouth. As the girl got closer to the deck, she started to hear chanting from the kind crew. She especially heard Kinberly’s familiar raspy voice chanting,” Laaa dee daaa, the Gray A rolls along,” and as she emerged to the *****, wet deck she noticed that her father was talking to someone else already. “Botherin’ will have to wait some,” she whispered to Mila. Then she took the pacifier out of Mila’s mouth and scolded,” why didn’t you tell me that I was still wearin’ my slippers eh? Wanted to make me look like an idiot?” Mila simply rolled her eyes.
                    Right then, Captain Daddy, apparently finishing his conversation, came over to the pair and said affectionately, “How are my darlings doin’ today?” Mila especially enjoyed this for Captain Daddy always gave a loving stoke on her back and a whole chocolate chip cookie if he had one. Although Grayasety always stole some of the cookie Mila was happy enough with half. Grayasety, on the other hand was happy with a whole cookie so she begged Captain Daddy to give her another one. Captain Daddy gave her another cookie but chided her not to steal any more from Mila.
                    After the lecture on not stealing other people’s food, Grayasety clambered up the crow’s nest and almost knocked over Franz, a tall, but gaunt boy a couple years older then Grayasty getting in. ”Anythin’ unusual yet?” asked Grayasety hopefully. “Nope,” answered the calm boy quietly. ”Hi Franz. Do you have any cookies?” asked Mila mockingly, Franz just laughed and said,” If I had any I would of eaten it by now! Gray, can you get me somethin’ from the kitchen?”.
                   Grayasety got Franz a basket of food and got her self the same amount; Grayasety was basically always hungry, and had a little picnic on the roomy crow’s nest. After they finished their meal Grayasety decided to let Franz rest and did lookout. Franz had a small room to himself, which was about the size of a normal bathroom with all the stuff taken out. In the corner was an old, squeaky army cot and next to it was a rotund desk with a stack of blank paper, a jar of Indian ink, and a fountain pen laid precariously on it.
                    Franz was quite a writer and he spent his free time eating, sleeping, or writing and unlike Grayasety he actually wrote not scribbled. He was working on a story about gargoyles that came to life at night. It was an interesting story, really. He would of loved to stop working on the Gray Asety and go get his books published but he stayed for his family was a poor one and needed his help to make a living and also, Captain Forumest provided free paper. And, his daughter was the first friend he ever had; Franz was convinced that she was the best one.
                   Grayasety enjoyed being on ships. She liked feeling the cold air rush through her hair and she enjoyed the great view of the vast sea that surrounded her. She even liked the feeling of being so small compared to the humpbacks that swam by. She thought that the ship food was good, and she felt that the sea was truly where she belonged. Grayasety was very cranky when she was not at sea, (though she did like their big, ocean green house), so her father tried to include her on as many voyages as he could.
                     Captain Daddy, or Mann as I will call him spent most of day in a booth on the deck. He often worried about his daughter’s mental health (even though it was completely unnecessary). He talked to Grayasety’s doctor about this and Dr.Metalos, Grayasety’s doctor, gave them a list of mental deceases she could have, but none of them seemed like some thing she would have. Mann was sure that his daughter did not have one sickness; Much Too Much Time At The Sea Syndrome. If any one knew where Grayasety belonged it was Mann and he knew perfectly well that his daughter would go insane if she wasn’t at sea for too long. For one thing she preferred to sleep on her uncomfortable bunk at sea rather then on her fluffy green bed as soft as a feather at home.
                        Right then the ship did a tummy- flopping lurch and knocked off the map and compass from Mann’s desk, which interrupted his thoughts for a while. Below deck Franz’s desk toppled over, and Franz accidentally made a long and ugly scribble across his writing and on the crow’s nest Grayasety was having trouble standing up and she almost vomited right onto Kinberly’s hair. This was rare for Grayasety for she lived on the sea and was used to lurches; she had once survived a shipwreck, which explains her golden earring on her right earlobe.
                   That night as Grayasety lay in bed Mann quietly crept out of his bunk and scurried up the stairs to the deck. He wanted some time to himself. Ahead was Cape Horn; a very dangerous place where so many ships had sunk it could fill the biggest port in the world, but more personally, this was near the Sea Bandits main head quarters, 8 years ago the beautiful Magnolia Scott Forumest was captured here. Even though it was impossible in the foggy mist, Mann tried to make out the cave that marked the entrance to the headquarters. Only few people knew this entrance, and publicity stated that it was a “mere mystery” why most captives were capture near Cape Horn. Mann felt a chill run down his spine and then he thought he felt someone’s hand grab his shoulder. He looked down and saw what he dreaded most; a hand tinged with brown firmly held his shoulder.
                      Grayasety woke up feeling wonderful but apparently Mila didn’t. She kept screeching something about Captain Daddy being kidnapped and soon she found that what Mila had just screeched in her ear was true. She stormed into Franz’s cabin and told him what she discovered and they soon agreed to do what no one else wanted them to do; steer the boat right into the Sea Bandits’ headquarters and take back what, and who was theirs no matter how hard it could be.
                      Grayasety had Franz steer the boat and she herself navigated, Kin was lookout and the rest of the crew helped out. Franz dropped the passengers off at Puerto, and Mila morphed back into a human; what she really is, and helped out. Separated from the frenzy, Grayastey was quietly thinking to herself. She wondered why the Sea Bandits captured her father. They were well known for capturing pretty woman but not average looking men. Just then she heard a knock on the door. “Grayasety?” said the raspy voice of Kin. “There ya are. I just thought ya might wanna know why ya daddy was captured.” “Can you please tell me,” asked Grayasety, trying not to sound too eager. “Well rememba when ya daddy would be gone when ya woke up at mid night an’ I told ya that he had gone to the store to get some groceries? Well if you had thought some you woulda noticed that the store was closed.” Grayasety interrupted Kin in mid-sentence and said irritably, “Of course I rememba. Just get to the point Kin!” Kin flinched at Grayasety’s frustration and mumbled,” Well ya daddy was a spy. One of the best ones at that. He did all he could to stop organized crime, an’ he specialized in the Sea Bandit’s. They captured him ‘cause one less police the better for them.” Grayasety sat with her mouth hanging wide open. She never imagined that her father was a spy. But now every thing made sense. “ Sorry I didn’t tell ya before. Ya fatha simply wouldn’t allow it.” Kin apologized. Grayasety managed a squeak and then Kin left her.
                      After she repeated this to Franz and then Mila, Grayasety went down to her bedroom, she hated having to be near Her father’s belongings but she hated having people see her crying much more and cry she did, leaving her father’s mattress a soggy mess. Then she decided to clean that mess up for if they rescued her father she was sure he did not want to sleep in a soggy bed. Noticing it, she picked up her dad’s picture of her dad and mom’s wedding and became suddenly aware of how much she looked like her dad. The hair, the eyes, the quirky grin, every thing. Her mother had soft blonde hair and violet eyes that almost made you smell the pungent smell of lavenders and had a beautiful smile with bright red lips. All in all she was the most beautiful woman Grayasety had ever seen. She almost made Grayasety feel jealous.
                     “Hey! Gray. So are we gonna bring any weapons? Kin was a whole chest full of ‘em!” Said the distinctively low voice of Franz. “Well, I dunno. I suppose we should bring a couple guns. Always nice to be well prepared.” Replied Grayasety.

                     Franz was on lookout when the carrier pigeon came. The note it had on its leg was from Mann. It said:

Dear Grayasety and friends,

Do not come to save me. I’m with my wife in their dungeon but they want you guys to come too. You see, I’m like a bait. You’re the fishies. They want to erase all traces of the Forumest family. That means they have to dispose of those who would remember them. I will manage okay. Kin, Please take Grayasety and Franz home and forget about me for you and the children’s sake. Grayasety, I love you. Dispose all of my belongings and try to tell yourself that Kin is your mother. Believe me. It’s all for the better. Franz, I meant to tell you but your parents caught tuberculosis and died the other day. Your sister committed suicide soon after. Please take care of Grayasety.

             Mann

                    The trio stood silent for a long moment and then without warning Franz burst into tears, and scrambled to his cabin. Kin and Grayasety looked at each other sadly and went to their cabins themselves. Grayasety tried to sleep that night but images of Mann and her mother strapped up in chains kept her staring into the darkness with wide eyes. She reached over and got her personal music player, trying to distract herself but after a few seconds she turned it off again, for she could not bear listening to the lyrics; “It’s past midnight and something evil’s lurking 'round the dark” of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”.
            The next morning, Mila and Kin steered the boat near the cave that marked the entrance to the Sea Bandits secret headquarters. Mila then morphed into a seagull and flew into the old, damp cave. From a safe distance Grayasety and her crew awaited Mila to return with some news. After swooping into the creepy cave Mila found the opening to the headquarters and perched on a ledge near it. There, she morphed into a rat, and scurried up into the opening.

                 After crawling along several hallways, Mila came across a steel door bolted very firmly marked “CELLS”. Luckily Mila was small enough to crawl under it. Scurrying along the bureau of prisons, Mila finally saw a cell with Mann and a stunningly beautiful woman captured in it. Mila slipped between the bars and trying not to gain the woman’s attention for fear that she would scream, climbed the steep hill of Mann’s arm to try to reach his ear. “Mann?? Don’t make any sound OK?? I’m Mila. I’m the rat on your shoulder. Kin, Grayasety, and Franz say they miss you a lot.” Whispered Mila. Then she saw a humongou
A short story instead of a poem, but I hope you enjoy!
Any corrections, edits, suggestions etc. and greatly aprecciated!
Fish The Pig Mar 2015
I want an ugly boy
so rough and tuff
don't care bout anythin but me
I want an ugly boy
he'll act as crazy as can be
crazy in love with me
maybe he zef
so I can be blessed
anything I need
he got it
anything I want
he got it
I want an ugly boy
my pitbull
my protector
I don't need to tame him
I like him how he is
he like me how I is
he likes that I am his
he don't need me to change
perfect to the letter
but I change anyway
for the better
I won't have to spend my nights so cold
in fear of growing old
he'll drink my tears
for they're tears of joy
all I really want
is an ugly boy
I want something unstoppable like Die Antwoord.
The kind that no matter what happens I know it'll be okay, and that I am safe.
Jeremy Betts May 2022
The risk of takin' time to begin mendin' a broken and frozen heart is it could stop its natural rhythmic beatin' at any given moment, without adequate warnin'
Matter of fact it's bound to happen like global warmin', that's the only endin' found followin' right on the heels of drownin'
Any other prediction goin' 'round is only white noise background sound of them denyin' and rewritin' facts, specializin' in turnin' backs and bold face lyin'
I constantly find myself suffocatin' in my own skin like it's a plastic bag grippin' my face, compression at the neck, not lettin' air in
Debatin' whether or not to go all in and fight this overpowered and undefeated depression with persistence and medication, maybe some meditation and self reflection
Or should I just go ahead and give in again, puttin' in little to no effort to change the end into somethin' worth strivin' for, will there even be someone there lookin' forward to me arrivin'?
This is not pretend or manipulation, basically I'm forfeitin' due to exhaustion and frustration, handin' over the rains, just givin' my inner demon the win
I'm sick and tired of bein' tired and sick, gettin' beaten, pickin' myself up just to start takin' the walk of shame back to some new beginnin'
Plus, spoiler alert, I already know the final boss battle in this surreal engine is just gonna be against myself, once again
Same as its always been, it's not about to start changin' now, no amount of trainin' or preparation' will stop this from happenin'
Like the programer guy and I are playing a side game of chicken, he's got nothin' to lose, I've already lost everythin' holdin' out for a win that's never comin', never a celebration
I'll die if I don't keep moving 'cause I can see the next hardship comin', it's ******' gainin' on me quickly and I don't have a remedy or solution so, tail between legs, I start runnin'
I'm noticin' the **** selection, nothing good comes from either decision especially if you're plannin' on bringin' logic in as part of the equation, it should help but it's only a complication
And I'm forced to pick a direction without knowin' the destination or what I'll be facin' or what's waitin' for me at the finish lines location
Even without an imagination as dark as mine you can see its a risky expidition with low to no expectation of finishin'
Hope diminishin' past salvation, straight to damnation and a bitter end
Death awaits every person ever born, he's never missed one and I won't be the exception, it's the when I'm questionin', on my knees prayin', shiftin' seamlessly into beggin'
In one hand I could win the battle that's ragin' in between my ears, lord knows I'm tired of listenin'
On the other hand I lose the war, therefore there's no reason for even tryin', no goin' back to the beginnin', no rewindin'
I'm left nursin' a wound that's turned into an infection and its quickly spreadin', entertainin' the thought of idle hand amputation
Don't need to be an open heart surgeon, it's already been broken twice and put on ice, I'll just rip it out then hold it up for all to see before it completely stops pulsatin'
The fixation has never been on fixin' anythin' but rather dodgin' any situation that'll get me lookin' within
Possibly havin' to acknowledge I might not be worth savin', is that me speakin' or my shoulder devil at it again'?
It's gettin' harder and harder to tell the difference, both soundin' the same, the blurred line causes confusin'
I know the notion of what I'm sayin' isn't easy to comprehend much less believe in
And that's the reason why I've bottled every emotion and set them floatin' out in the vast ocean
To keep me from bein' a burden to anyone but one person, you're lookin' at him and I lie and say it's workin'
I don't know what I was thinkin' not takin' this more serious from the beginnin'
It's been ruinin' my life's mission, runnin' up a tab of bad karma that I'm gonna wind up payin'
Stoppin' all forward motion by keepin' me frightened to the point I've given up on fightin'
The results are in and it's unsettlin', I now only seem to be nothin' but a punchin' bag for Satan and his legion
I'm startin' to come undone at the seams and it seems like no one's carin' but I don't know what else I was expectin'
I could've predicted that with precision like I have the ability to be time travelin'
Knowin' for certain what the future is bringin' but I'm just goin' off of every previous lesson that left a lastin' impression
But still not seein' the big picture, fussin' over the small **** like somethin' on the roof of my mouth I can't stop tonguin'
Wastin' precious time that I could've been usin' to at least soften the blow I know is creepin' up, comin' 'round the bend with the collection plate to put my fate in
But again, I can't stop the regression long enough to gain traction, a continuation of my downward trend, market value crashin', free fallin' with no parachute or safety net to protect my noggin
I don't give myself permission to feel anythin' other than self derogation
Sleep deprivation has my dreams fadin', countin' one sheep, two sheep, ****, the rest have gone missin'
I'm left pickin' myself up and dustin' myself off, brushin' my own well bein' to the side, out of sight, out of mind, keep it hidden
All lefts, no right to weigh in even though it's my life my thoughts are playin' with, throwin' caution to the wind
And now that I'm broken beyond repair I get tossed into the compost bin lettin' somethin' else grow from me decomposin'
A form of reincarnation at worst, at best, a place to finally get some much needed rest in'
I'm no longer invested in livin', hell, I'll even sign my own death certificate, give me a pen

©2022
Westley Barnes Jun 2015
So the lads decided to head down the town one day
(it bein' a great stretch of sun, especially for here,
and playin' Fifa tournaments and
actin' smart were losin' their charm)
Anyway,
Miles had his eye on this young one, and Giro and Hooper
bein' the friends they were riled him up no end about
what he was goin' to do once he got his chance with her, y'know, the usual stupid teenage macho lad crap.
But sure, poor auld Miles, as he was back then, was a sensitive sort
and although he was the handsomest of the chaps at that stage
-with the boyband cheekbones and
the butter-wouldn't melt bring-me-home-to-your-mammy-she'll-think-I'm-Lovely exterior-
he was just a bit too shy to get taking to her in the square that day,
the two of 'em were both awkwardly just sat on opposite benches
with their eyelashes flutterin' in the wind.
And sure didn't the boys make a holy show o'the chap by shoutin' "D'YOU WANT TO SHIFT HIS FRIENDS" at the young one's mates, and them visibly horrified,
with the precious stuck-up Loreto girls' mouths dropped in mortification.

They were somethin' else back then, alright.

But here's the thing,
He's marrying that girl next weekend. (-The same one?) (-Hardly?!)
Swear on me Granny's grave, got sent the invitation on Facebook and all!
Meself and Tracy are goin' to it, obviously, but I barely seen the chap since he moved up to Dublin that time, but the girl is friend's with Tracy's cousin.
Danielle is her name, she works as a graphic designer.

(-She designs games?) (-No, ads, posters and stuff, you ****)
(-Well, I extend my heartfelt apologies
to Mr. CAO himself over here)
(-G'way you, the last time you heard tell of the CAO
was when  you used it as a farewell greeting to
the sub-teacher you fancied when you
handed in your pass maths exam.)
(-What's he doin' again?) (-He works in KPMG)
(-...Sorry I asked)

Apparently they had lost track of each other, but then randomly met out one night and rekindled the old flame. (-what, the old premature pubescent horn?)
My point is, doucher, that you cant keep a good man down...not the greatest choice of words given the context, but, y'know,
fair ******' play to him anyway.

On the other hand, I saw Giro in Mooney's there last weekend,
back from Canada after only six months over there.
Hated it apparently, plasterin' walls in a city that was
only bein' built up for the first time, nothin' to do on the weekend
but drink **** beer and go fishin'.  I told him he should have gone
to Vancouver but he wanted to head where Hooper was goin'
-Those two were always the same, they'd manage to waste each others time if they got to the moon.

There Giro was, all he got to show for himself for goin' to Canada
was a flannel shirt, a snapback hat and a beard like one of those
grizzly lads from gay ****. (-What would you know about gay ****?) (It's an metaphor, genius, I don't need to know anythin' about it in order to make the connection.)
(-Sounds like the only expert piece of information you've given it all night) (-Here, your Da hates ya, go home)

But I suppose, at least a lad like Giro, totally directionless, still has the ability to laugh about himself.
He'd say worse things about himself that I would and laugh away at it, no bother.
But that's it, isn't it? Being able to laugh at the lads and at yourself when you deserve it, to own up to your flaws and forgive them.
That's what it's all about.
Fifa=Official Computer Game of the world Football association,
Giro=Bank giro, often synonymous with social welfare benefits in Ireland.
Shift=Irish slang to kiss passionately, in the casual sense. See also British Snog, US Necking.
Loreto=Loreto Convent, a network of Roman Catholic single-*** Girls' schools in Ireland founded by Loreto nuns. Regarded as instilling a high level of social propriety in their students.
CAO=College Application Form. Official form of entry into Irish Colleges and Universities, mirrors slightly the US SAT and British A-Level methods.
aar505n Aug 2014
Relationship are rough,
sailin’ the ever changin’ tides of emotion.
They don’t come ‘bout easy,
they require a lot of hard work!
Some days be jolly!
But sometime things don’t go yer way.
Some days there’s a change in the wind,
a change in the current,
that goes against the riggins’ o’ yer ship
an’ ye struggle,
but that doesn’t mean yer ship is sinkin’!
Don’t walk the plank now,
just ‘cause the imminent Kraken
of breakup and doubt
is in hot pursuit o’ yer vessel!
Like Dido,
ye won’t be goin’ down with this ship,
there’ll be no white flag!
Are ye really going to let some bombastic baboons pillage yer lass?
No yer not!
Yer goin’ to drop yer anchor
an' battle for that nigh uncatchable ship.
But if ye be captured,
a faith worse than Davy Jones' Locker,
an' they say ‘walk the plank’
then you’ll walk that plank,
but ye’ll cross the seven seas to meet them again!
Storms they pass,
with lil' damage,
if ye just brace and stick it out
'Cos for the right ship,
ye do anythin'
This is an extract from a short play about retired pirates that own a cash for gold shop written by myself and my friend Roisin.
Here, Alf, a pirate, is giving relationship advice to a sad and broken hearted Customer.
Kelly Lutz Oct 2010
I'm not too up to date
On the social scene these days
Kids walkin' around wearin'
Pants that don't fit right
Either too tight or down to their *****
And they smoke a joint any chance they get
Talkin' bout how alcohol should be for kids 16 and up
Talkin' bout how thier friends are losin' their virginity
At the age I started puberty
Sayin' drugs aren't that bad
That the police are the bad people, tryin' to ruin their fun
Sayin' their friends make good parents
At the age I started puberty
And that they quit their job at that fast food place
'Cause the boss couldn't stand their tattoos anymore
But really, none of this has anythin' to do with television
Or bad parenting
Or bad influences
Or lack of an education
Really
This is how it's supposed to be
This is normal, everything is okay here
It's a generational thing
Really
ceara Mar 2011
She was as crazy as a Norse horse
with a wild bleached mane and madeyes,
always willin to do anythin for ya
with a ''come on then''
her moods would drive you insane,
wrenching compassion and anger from your heart in equal parts,
spewing venom when talking of her ma,
it would hurt to listen,  yet it was easy to see this sulphuric froth
as just rage being rage.
In her kitchen she concocted over spilling potions
banana and coconut breads, her time was your time,
her table always spread, with baskets and jars,
Valerian by the bottle she sculled to help sleep,
baskets with moss and golf *****, Scottish tat in a heap
and beliefs, worn and threadbare like the carpets
in her tiny,  orange doored flat
with a gerbil called ***** and a hamster called pat,
and dear wee Jamie who spouted that Halloween mantra ''crap bat''
we filled and hung balloons with sweets and let the kids skewer
the hell out of them, it rained chocolate in the corridor for weeks,
and that is what I loved about her madness,
is that it dived and it did, and it speaked
Jeremy Betts Sep 2022
I catch myself sulkin' in a dangerous headspace far to often
Hope fadin' to nothin' as I witness this slowly becomin' a trend
Does life's chokehold ever loosen?
Possibly but probably only after recordin' just one more win
Does the fall from grace to then through the bottom of my rock bottom ever soften?
How many of life's knockout blows to the chin can I take before smelling salts are no longer an option
They completely stop workin', then, try as you might I can no longer be woken but I'm not dreamin'
I hate to think it but is my inner peace destin to be found in a cheap coffin from some morbid discount bin
Only then activatin' when they set me in and my body begins the process of decomposin'
I'm not that lucky, I already know how it'll end
Only leads to a destination for those with the designation of unforgiven
Seems like I was made pre-broken but more often than not the why is an overpriced question, so it's rarely spoken
How is any of this benefital to my survival and progression towards a vaguely promised fairy tail endin'
Feels like regression made it it's mission to win the tug o war competition and it's lookin' like it did while barely tryin'
There's only so far I can bend, destined to give in, I'm sayin' when with a voice through a digital pen
Regardless who's payin' attention, wether anybody likes it or not there's no stoppin' or dodgin' what's comin'
If history's taught me anythin' it's that there's no way this isn't happenin', it's both out of my hands and out of the question
I won't beg you to listen, the dead end repetition has caused me to bail on even the lowest bar of expectation
I'm not strong enough to keep goin', I can no longer pretend, can't count on myself to treat myself like a friend
I've never known or at least have forgotten how to mend, now I'm the firey wreckage of a doomed hydrogen Zeppelin
A bad idea tried over and over again, full send, hand your beer to a friend, yeah, we all know that definition
I'm a multi fasited paradox, like water and oil mixin', or a Christian followin' what Jesus was actually teachin'
Good and evil coexistin' under the same skin so there's a constant battle ragin' within
Given advice but don't listen, cost of hate skyrocketin' but I'm buyin' in without even researchin'
Ignorin' every critical warnin' while needlessly explorin' the landmine riddled mess I'm in
My own reflection is a poor representation, I begin witnessin' the facade crackin' revealin' a twisted perfection
But perfection was never the requirement, but still a required lesson
I couldn't begin to tell you how many times I was a dollar short of payin' attention
Realization sets in mid tail spin, lost all sense of direction, my guidance system way overdue for an inspection
But once again no one gets in even though I'm desperately needin' a licensed technician
My problems baffle the best of list of repair men to the point they go searchin' out a new profession
I'm an occupational hazard, a coward, findin' the bad in every good situation, a magnet for confrontation
Then I start thinkin', maybe my malfunction is beyond repairin' so I focus in on my masks restoration
The projection of a sane person is important as to not draw attention to this infection of darkness that's spreadin'
An infestation of my past, present and future anxieties manafestin', fear on every station, runnin' into problems at every elevation
A hate hate relation, both comin' from and directed at the same person
Cursin' my own existence as every action taken to better this god forsaken life adaptation only sees the situation worsen
What's the solution? Where do I even begin lookin'? Is there a guide I could or should be followin'?
If I told you hope was taken all the way back before my creation I'm sure it'll have you thinkin' I must be mistaken
But I have no stake in or reason to lie, no exaggeration needed when the truth alone is so friggin frightenin'
Don't come a knockin', you wouldn't want me to invite you in, the den is set up like a ***** dungeon
Horrendous ***** happenin' within these walls, under my skin, you couldn't and shouldn't try to imagine
It'll break you down like a fraction, plus, I can't say that I can see the attraction
You're gonna have to come up with an explanation for that one again, start from the beginnin'
'Cause I thought I made the warnin' clear, extra bold between each quotation, reiderated in every caption
Let me give you some life changin' advice son, run, don't look back till you see kingdom come on the horizon
I'm not one to bet on, a hopeless lost cause, it'd do you well to move on

©2022
I am at peace
Grasping gatherin"
Marble extracted pieces

Dust all over deep  ye
shallow crevices  cry
A white dove's  fly
free of sorrow

I'd love to seal a millionth
tears on your lips kiss my farewell

I am the deep Space
I am the Brahman
I am the fine firmament
You are all best
Such is the truth

I am blood flesh body consciousness
Such is the Truth

I am the firmament
Go down on fantasy
Burn your fleshy
Languish fingers
And see where they land

Into the neverland anythin" is
Laying the sea **** as it were
A forest's tapestry ready
Finally
To recall the roll over
The magic Moss
and the razor sharp
entwined stares are infatuated
entirely, submerged in carnal
Pleasures and driftin" as
Smooth as our palms
explore the desired
Softness
Surfaces
Flowerin" as
Transcient
Shapes of heavenly
waves
wavin"
Shape shifti'n
Shinin' within our legendary
Black holes of perception

Rays fall exposed to the
Light
Acoustic fractures resemble
Ray's glimmerin' under
Undulated  brilliancies

Hey you, painter, a wordsmith of a happy fiddle tunes
All over the the land, ripe harry hills, bush berries and burgundy
Grow infinitesimal promises

Step aside for a while, apparitions of your wildest abstractions
Mean nothin" Come and take my breath away by the hand
And swim me to Swimmers' simmerin'

Endless Time is a ****** illusion
A Reckless hope drivin"
Without a licence

Ricochet
Toughts
Trickle
Riot rascals
And ******* concortions
Emanate radiant embarassed
Spirallin" shy blushes
To hide and die of this word: Anguish

I'd swallow the swell day
I'd let you know your golden and crimson
Violet
Deep Thoughts of Goodness

Precious precious Indigo
Ageless darlin'

Step a bit further
And see it (for) yourself
Eruptions
Coolin" within
The open space spiced
Dee light danger liasons

Ferocious I'm borne
Ferocious I give off
The light

I dye
I diamond you
I die dao the way up to you into the uncountable fervored Future

I burn I burn

I am the Sun
And the stars and the galaxies
I am The earth
I am the forest the mountains
I am the lake
Call me a fake
And mockin" will explode
Around your sweet grinin" face

Do not agree that we only read
Some make bread with sour cream
Some make cookies with a bit of green
Some throw flat stones upon the mild surfaces seen

Mirrorin" their minor inspirations tryin" to put others down
Hey, here is your crown! Bittersweet! Clown!

Clovers
Piment
Flowers
Horns
Thorns
Ageless
Aureolas
Borne

Scented oils linger in a sanguine air
Upon your tangible surrender
I fall and kiss your kiss

Rivers run wild flowering seeds
Rivers carry them to Toward n" a while deeds
Within cosmic symphonies by Oceanic all blueness

Blatant and Blissful
Ponds dormir

This all comes and goes
like ripples    
Upon the jade pond
This comes and voes like a vessel
Transports all beings

All beings engage in their essence
Liberated


While the noble sage
Disillussions own Self:

Subtle and ethereal body

This I am
This I am not










The wise
The names
The forms
The invisible
The intangible
They do Keep on goin'
Manure for the soul body mind.
Manure for the truthful seekers.
Major influence by Deepak Chopra.
Minor influence by the truth which lies in each and every one of us.
Hope you enjoyed the conducted narrative. Take for granted only what you percieve to be (your) Truth. This is poetry! This does and doesn"t speak of love. Tho" it aims to divine blissful revelations.
15 April 2014

In a few hours, we will
Grow apart from each other.
I will never see you again
But maybe, you will see me.
Passin’ along the way,
Never knowin’ who you are.
But for now—
Let me miss you,
Just until I don’t.

It’s rather a strange time
When we met, I was down
Broken into bits ‘n’ pieces
Of the universe and her.
But you seemed to care
About me ‘n’ liked
My flaws and everythin’
In between my legs.

On the other hand,
I still couldn’t find anythin’
That I don’t like
About her.
In fact, I believed—
That we are the mundane,
Jack and Rose
In this lifetime
A hundred and two years later
And countin’, still…

But you—
You are different from her,
Like how the silence
Would fill the war room.
There’s no tinge of uneasiness to it
Our breaths cadence with each other
Our hands found their ways
To remove the cloths that bound us
Our lips meet in utter urgency
It was comforting.
Somethin’ inside you
Made me safe
To anchor my ship
And dock in your harbour
As the storm ravages
Everythin’ that’s left
Of the universe and her, and I

Every morning, I try to
Figure out what went wrong.
But “nothin’” was all—
She could ever say to me
I was hopin’ she’d say
That I messed up, that
We couldn’t be what we are b’fore
Or there wasn’t much—
To talk about anymore,
Anythin’, but nothin’
Really at all.

The silence is dreadful,
I no longer felt safe.
The comfort of havin’ her,
Was replaced with—
Great amount of uneasiness.
I was hurt and felt—
Unwanted.
Lately, it’s hard to see her
With strangers around
Who’s a thousandfold
Interestin’ than me.
But it’s harder to see her,
In ethereal happiness with them.

Maybe the universe wants
Me to love you and forget her,
But I miss her and I love her
Probably too much—
That I still wear my heart on my sleeve.
You— you’re just a loose change
Of everythin’ that we’ve through.
Here’s two cents of my thoughts:
You can have me,
But you can never love me.
The universe and her, and I—
We are the mundane,
Jack and Rose*
After all…
mandy rigby May 2014
DONT DO DRUGS KIDS


O a sis, John cooper clarke.
Pink floyd, getting ****** in the park.
******, crack co caine.
******, messed up again.

Council estate, tmazipan,
******, taliban.
A paper cup and a ball of string,
Ive lost me phone I'll use anythin.

Trying to get hold of my man,
Thames Valley police catch me if u can.
Tried to get the monkey off my back,
fallen down and landed in the crack ..
between the pavements,
easy street,
walking round no shoes on ma feet.
Touch this and you'll get burnt.
Been 20 years and I still havent learnt.

Loosing teeth, bad legs, getting older.
Are the winters getting colder?
Global warming ... What the ****?
****** ..coming in on a salad truck.
Chav pants, naff fkin trainers,
little going on ... no brainers.

Mental health, welfare state,
think your spot on, think your great.
Urban people telling how it is.
Fk me,  took to much whizz.
Walking round, feeling fantastic,
look at me dancing,
pretty tragic really ...

Stupidly asked some bloke to dance,
now im in the back of an amb ulance.
A saturday casualty.
Its an average weekend for me.
Going mad, on a ******.
******* world,
No surrender.

(c) mandy rigby  and p skez 2012)

(now 4 yrs clean .. can i get an Amen?)
****** crack ****** addiction police oasis john cooper clarke
Jake McPherson May 2013
Your standing at a cross roads
And you dont no which way to go
To the left is a road you've never known
To the right is the life youve lived and grown
As the rain pours down along your face
Your confused on which choice to make
Your scared of change and risk
You always belive youll fail the test
Even though your stronger than most
You dont belive you have anythin to boast
A predictiable stable life is what you want,
Descions and stress give you haunt
A fulfiled life is all you want,
My Wandering woman just follow your heart,
Dont worry what others think, its about what you want
Let nature be your guide and show you the way,
Choose a path and dont ever stray
Follow the sun the moon and stars,
Theyll always stay bright for you,
Just look to the sky whenever your blue,
Take a deep breathe and let it all flow out,
Before you make a descions no matter what about,
While your at the crossroads wanderer,
Always remember not to ponder,
Follow your gut and nothin but,
Dont let outside fears take control,
Your demons are no match for your heart,
Even though they may never let go,
Fight through them all with courage and wit,
Think on your toes and never sit,
Youll get through this wandering woman,
Never doubt what you are doing.
Never let your smile go dim,
It will brighten up any room,
Keep your eyes open wide
They are as blue as the sky,
Tread your gorgous soul onward dear,
There is nothing for you to fear.
As you stand at the crossroads before you
Remember these words i said to you,
If you choose the road you dont know
Or the one that youve grown accustom too
Just make sure that youll be happy first,
Happiness is your primary first.
Everything else can wait,
And i myself can always wait,
Ill wait until your seas have calmed,
Until it is safe to climb a shore,
Until your storm has subsided,
And you can no longer deny it.
Never the less ill always be by your side,
And for you ill hang up my pride.
You'll always have a place in my heart,
You always have right from the start.
Anthony Reid Mar 2012
Seems people gather round, to put another down, they wear the face that fits,
Deal into the game, an’ keep on castin' shame – to make sure all mud sticks.
I wonna see the strange, some mind among the maze – some heart true to itself,
A difference in the craze, a spark aside the blaze – a card without the tell.

Bickerin' an' plans, pickin' who holds hands – all lovin' when it loans,
Thicker than quick hands, your little clicks n' clans, all governed by the code.
Everyone their own, everyone on thrones – free of all known flaws,
Seems no-one is at home, 'least no-one I ain’t known – just take what isn't yours.

You’re puttin’ flags in dreams, you’re fresher than the breeze, you're free and standin' tall,
You're much more than you seem, you're deeper than the seas - can't see me I'm so small.
All good traits and thoughts, go pass 'em off as yours, you live that little lie,
More worthy than the cause, more righteous than all laws – go give until you die.

Rifts n’ rounds, same old sounds. I wish an’ I wait, an’ I hide every hate.
Twist n’ turn. You live – I learn. I sleep only to dream away nightmares I’ve seen.

You walk on those like me, want us to kiss your feet – like we've done all our lives,
Come show us how you're there, blow some of that hot air – an’ hide a pitied light.
The feet keep passin' by, beneath familiar skies, they're drownin' out the sounds,
Of anyone who tries, or anyone who cries - or anythin' so loud.

Although we're each our own, although we each have grown, although we're all of soul,
You dither like a drone, to that unending tone - like all the set in stone.
When speakin' of the said, you put all else to bed, that fails to fight your cause,
When tellin' of your tolls, you dwell on all that holds you high with due applause.

Drop it in a mention, steer all that attention, to the fact you're sublime,
When reminiscin' deeds, be sure to drop the steeds, that bore you to the line.
I wanna stop you all, so you can hear the call, and dawn a better day,
I wanna drop the ball, want everything to fall, I want another way.

The cares I keep keep runnin’ deep. There’s an ocean of thought, but a drop have you caught.
I give – you take, You bounce – I break. An abundance of dreams, but a glimpse have you seen.

Sittin' on my own, suddenly I'm old, can’t name a likened friend,
Tryin' to recall, the day I took this fall, when real life became pretend.
Once I knew I could, once I knew of love, but now I know it's spent,
'Shouldn't haves' and 'shoulds' - with befriendees and bloods – I don't know where I went.

They brag of their intents, and never implement – but minds my mouth calls great,
I sit and complement – few words of which are meant – there's nothin’ left to take.
I'm 'Mr. Doesn't Fight', been 'Mr. Too Polite' – it's all they now expect,
I want them faded sights, I wanna live my life – I'm tired of living less.
Michael Ellis Dec 2011
Seein' her eye to eye is prolly the hardest thing to do.
I mean, I didn’t cheat or anythin like that
just took things too fast
and I ******
up.
They say it takes two to tango and things will work them
selves out, but with this I don’t think it
will. Jumpin’ to conclusion
just ain’t the
way.
Can’t believe I had somethin’ so good but let it
spoil to somethin’ rotten. I wish I could
go back into time and
listen to my
heart.
Shoulda kept **** private but just like a gossip girl,
I went and gossiped girl. I swear I
had the right intentions girl.
I swear I
did.
Feelings are a powerful weapon. They can make one
do things they’ve never believed they could,
but at the same time
they will break
you.
It
wasn’t just you,
I messed up too. Don’t
listen to what people have to say
we both know you’re a good girl, so believe it.
Things
will get better
girl, just let time do
it’s thing. **** was said about both
of us, but it shouldn’t change who we are girl.
We’re
both good people
who moved just a little
too fast. After all, we both run track.
We live, love, laugh and die impacting people.
Don’t
give up kid.
No matter what listen to
your heart even if you can’t hear it.
I know you’re gonna be big, for you are a giant.
I’m
here for you
when you think i’m not.
New beginnings lead to new memories.
I got mad family love for you kid stay strong.
Jeremy Betts Aug 2023
(Extended)

An authentic smile defeated then deleted long ago, zero chance of winnin' stretchin' all the way back to my beginnin'
It was a genuine expression that slowly melted to an unrecognizable reflection
All pigmentation givin' way revealin' a secondary, ghostly stand in walkin' in my skin and it's handed some demands in
Granted, it happened in my formative years, a couple of years before the realization hit, I was an abandoned abomination
But the impact has been felt through forty somethin' calendars and countin', often wonderin' just how many more of 'em I'll actually be needin'
A true representation of life's failed evolution, my opinion, it would've helped to have known the mission
At the very least I coulda been shown at least one possible destination
Instead of being teased with this mystical American dream while always wakin' up in a nightmareish situation
Or hell, just vaguely point me in the general direction I should be travelin' in
Oh and where I should begin because I'm sure I'll be back here again, spending a majority of me time going back to the beginnin'
Then, after that you can get back to not givin' a **** about your creation, can't be bothered to even check in too see how we're all doin'
Refusin' to even call it in with a simple "how's it goin'?" Completely stopped showin' up for some reason
What happened to all the love and forgiveness you're supposed to be dishin' out according to your words, king James edition
Bigfoot and god, both bein' heaven and earths undisputed hide and seek champion
Ignorin' all the cries for help you've been hearin' while dodgin' every little question
Eliminate guessin', can't find the answer if you can't formulate the question
Still wouldn't say it's been a waste but the needles strongly leanin' towards an awfully vague reason for existin'
An overall lack of an adequate position, doesn't really seem like I was even designed to fit in
That is if my life has been any indication
I manage to make it to, AND THROUGH, the proverbial one more day but where's the lesson?
Was it in the bull shiit I kept slippin' in before crossin' off and finishin' anythin' deemed worthy of doin'?
This just feels like non-monetary extortion, a life-sized portion, takin' far more than what's ever been given
How do you think that's gonna end? This is not a rhetorical question, I'm looking for answers and forever waitin'
I'm still in competition with myself, the prize, livin', the compromise, loosin' myself in a portrait I've broken
Or durin' the transition, stumblin' across the realization that everyone's been right, I am the problem, that's no longer opinion
Find it in the nonfiction section
The eradication of an inner companion, replacin' compassion with aggression, smooth sailin' with frustration, no direction, no validation
The transition to curmudgeon happened earlier than expected, drawin' parallels from the curious case of Benjamin Button
Not for nothin', the infestation of negative thoughts caused a mutation inside and out, completely loosin' what it means to be a person, never was a good one
Probably no longer a shoe in for team human, my demon is all high on my supply with a gargantuan appetite for fear and hate eggin' it on
It's not a lose lose situation, and it sure ain't win win, and any other option, I'm guessin', got lost in translation
But I'm pretty sure somethin's gotta end in order for another somethin' to begin, at least that's what I'm hearin'
Still can't find a reason that justifies the conviction
Is what I'm feelin' damnation?
Is what I'm seein' my own creation?
It could just be that no matter what I'm not goin' to be happy with the conclusion
Only recently discoverin' life is not a choose your own adventure, you're not allowed to be pickin' your preferred endin'
A mustard seed of faith in myself ain't doin' nothin' but turnin' a mole hill into a mountain
No fat lady singin', just a whole lotta screamin', just a band playin' as I feel myself sinkin' into oblivion
Who the hells idea was it to make me captain? Given the keys to the ship but zero trainin'
Pardon me for givin' up on salvation but if you've been payin' even a little bit of attention
It should go without sayin' but you're waistin' away waitin' for divine intervention
Be careful what you look to for inspiration, maybe get a second opinion before goin' full send, divin' head in without practicin' the landin'
A recipe for disaster cookbook in the kitchen, irony gone missin', passin' overhead, no one's even lookin'
It may not be your intention, but there's no hate like the love of a christian
I'm just sayin', that's a world I lived in, I wish this was a work of fiction, then I could benefit from all this wishin'
Even presentin' it as an exaggeration would be lyin', if I'm lyin' I'm dyin', we're all dyin', they're all lyin'
A livin' contradiction by their own admission, rid them of bullshiit with a little sanitation
Keep an eye on the who you're prayin' to every day, it may not be the one, or at least the only one, listenin'
And there's no mulligan, no snooze button, no rewind function, no wake me up when it's over discussion
A conversation on morals is just opinion, life's not a given, it can be taken but if you can't take it, please, don't give in
With a questionable foundation any moment construction can slip, unnoticed, into destruction
Countless lessons on dysfunction, an influx of confusion, temperaments risin', no inner peace on the horizon
Please have your opposition choosen before the match is striken allowin' the dumpster fire lifestyle to begin
Fuelin' suspicion, a growin' unease between both neighbor and friend, the end will come as no surprise then

Just pay attention

©2023
Claire Elizabeth Oct 2013
With weekends spent hittin' the ***** bars all across town
That broken smile matches her broken shoes and her broken soul
People always wonda' why she puts herself in the position she's in
She hardly knows any more than they do
All there was were long days and short nights
An' I guess that became too much for her
'Cause she lost herself inside, where her heart was kept
After that one guy broke her heart so many months ago
She's tryin' to recover
Hardly working dontcha think
To try and fix yourself when there ain't nothin' left to fix
The gears inside are rusted stop and no amount of oil could change that
But does it really matter?
When nothin' is right anymore
And nothin' is worth anythin' more than a lonely night spent in a hotel room
Somewhere off the in'erstate
An' all the tears wasted on somethin' long gone go to waste
Dontcha think?
'Cause he ain't gonna hear 'em anyway
Hardly even gonna feel 'em 'cause he doesn't even care
The bouncers at the bars don't either
But at least they let her in
Decided to put a little description into a poem for once. That didn't work very well. I am very flummoxed and confused these days it seems. And so I just wrote down things in my head.
Anthony Reid Mar 2012
I can’t even think to myself anymore, without you comin’ right to my mind.
I’ve gone past the brink, into Hell – shut the door, an’ I’m wonderin’ never to find:
That ignorant bliss that I once so adored, when your sweet face had never been shown.
That brilliant abyss of my world without war an’ my ease with the ebb of its flow.

My pilot is burnin' but I am upturned now, I’m pushin’ the pressure I pull.
My stallin’ an’ swirlin’s a sight for the girl that I’m only at leisure to love.
It’s gotten to grindin’ an’ strikin’ like lightnin’, my heart is as happy as hurt.
I’m often invitin’, enticin’ a likin’, but we’re always back wastin’ words.

But like a bad dream that becomes as you seen it, I’m all but there breathin’ the air.
It’s such a long scene an’ it’s runnin’ on me an’ I’m fallin’ here rattlin’ my worth.
She’s all nature to me, the one shape of beauty, a harp an’ its pillows of string.
The everythin’ through me, her face in the room as an angel that carries a sting.

Lost in the eyes that I ache to revise, I find peace with the play of the light.
Tossed into tides about feelin’ alive, an’ of stealin’ her into the night.
But I’m at a loss, I’m at every mans end, growin’ older than anythin’ can.
She’s all that I’ve got, an’ I have to pretend that she just isn’t holdin’ his hand.
Tom McCone Mar 2016
-47
from the windows, a mottled sky,
pink & blue, wraps across the western
hills of the valley. tararuas draped in
clustering dark white fogthrow, and
my heart ticks down hours, a handful
of round dozens, not even that.

the streetlamps flicker up,
a little glistening roll of sparks,
sweet, all at once, and
coat riverstone and the valley
floor and, of course,
tugs at strings. but i haven't
said anythin', just yet.

as typical,
will just disappear; as a
daydream evaporates,
come autumn.
sad style
Sam Nov 2016
Mama always said to share.
Share food, share toys
Share kind words.

I did what Mama says.
I shared everything.
I shared my words, my love.

Mama told me to keep sharin'.
I shared my belongings, my life.
I shared my all.

Mama never said anythin' 'bout bein' careful.
Being careful of sharing too much.
That's a thing?

Mama always said to share.
If I give away all of me,
I see smiles on the faces of others.

I did what Mama says.
If I give away all of me,
What parts are left to prosperous?

Mama told me to keep sharin'
All of my puzzle pieces,
Until everyone was happy.

Mama never said anythin' 'bout bein' careful of myself
*Mama never warned me 'bout this
Yes it was intentional
Katrina May 2013
another night sparks the dark to light,
a family is seen.
a home, a job, a life

u begin to search for the thunder.
only to find the other path is chosen.
things make sense as u see him.

an unexpected smile apears on ur lips
knowin that happiness has grown
with the comfort of a home.

u still wonder wat caused the confusion.
thinkin bak u wonder.
what was so appealing to this path

the other was so thrilling.
but just a phase.
somethin that wasnt real.

time to wake.
u look next to u.
hes asleep still.

he snores and twitches.
u smile and no wakin up to anythin different
would never b right.

u stop to think of what if.
if the thunder was chosen wat would happen
u no ull always b curious.

always wantin another taste.
always able to enjoy its presence.
but nothin will change wats meant to b

no matter how thrillin thunder can b.
ur heart is taken...and thats that
Stories of Exes.2
Andrew Jun 2016
My re
Fridge ger
Rator has been out for years
The light that is and if
I wasn't to say anythin
G to anybody for years
No one would notice after
November 2007*

If only I have felt this before
My life would be worth livin' for
Tranquility kills me slowly
Yet I keep on movin’ silently

If only I have been strong
This won’t take long
I know I’m not that brave
To leave diaries on the grave

If only I have saved you
Anythin' between us will do
If only I knew my worth
You must been here back 'n' forth

If only I have taken one step away
I might have been with you until this day
I found myself goin' back to you
Cos I have fallen for you too

If only the rain has come again
Bathed my fears to regain
Told me what to do
Begged me to stay, not to let go

If only I thought, things would be the same
People I thought safe to play with
It was just indeed worth everything
If only I have done something
*for my very first muse-- who inspired me a lot to write what I feel
29 May 2014*

It’s just another night
And I’m starin’ at you
Saw you smile ‘n’ laugh
I thought ’bout you
Our days as I travel
Back to the time
When I was
The reason for that
Smile

A few drinks ‘n’ I’ve loosened up
The night is young
I can’t help starin’ at you
And not say anythin' at all
All these years

We were young, then
And now, the wrinkles around our eyes
Define us, how things have changed
How people like us have changed
And everythin' in between

You said you were sorry
You said I was your last love
Ironic, that the opposite’s true
But settin' aside, what we have
Lookin' past the window
Towards the past
I tripped down at memory lane
I couldn’t remember how
Things were
I don’t regret any of this

Let’s just settle in bliss
Your outburst, romantic or not
Let’s put them as it is
I don’t mind, but I wished
You didn’t ask
We were okay
Our hearts have healed
What’s done ‘n’ over
Is done ‘n’ over
But I understand
If you’re sufferin'
From a romantic
Relapse
carla goldie Aug 2017
God forgive me if ur listenin 4 wa I'm about t say,but 4 a moment can I b honest becoz I'm really not ok
I demand u give me answers,I refuse 2 let this go,
My dad meant more than anythin but this I assume u know.
I'm angry at ur selfishness do u consider those left behind,
The blessing that r dad was is rare an hard 2 find..
R dad had fought the world he'd even been 2 hell an back,
He loved with all his heart,
Had a presents tha others lack,
He forgave the unforgivable,he loved all those hard t love,
He was r sun,the moon the stars,
R amazin gift sent from above.
But the day u called him back n left us just with memories..
We need ur angel back t mend the broken hearts just left 2 bleed,
Dad I hope ur listenin I hope ur proud now we'll b strong..
I hope ur watchin ova us at last at peace where u belong...***
ChubbehMonkey May 2016
Baby
Girl
Naked  
Showing more than skin
Red eyes, bleeding
Out
The whole ocean
Fake
*****
Clothed
Covering it all up
Red lips, lying
Like
"We might hookup"
Baby
Can't I help you
Your Fragile figure
Your Stick figure
Why can't I make you eat dinner
Keep Getting thinner
Keep Getting thinner
Baby
Please have some dinner
Angel
In the mirror
Screaming at a sinner
Took your soul to the pawnshop
Exchanged for that pretty skin
Tell me
How is it not to feel anythin' ?
Pretty Eating disorder ugly help masks
asia Jun 2019
i fell in love w her presence
it was never her body.
but her personality.
in her eyes
i saw how gorgeous she was.
on the outside, but mainly
i seen beauty on the inside.
there was once
i seen how she hid her flaws..
through filters & effects,
calling herself f...
i treated her more
thn wht she thought
was facts.
she was queen, through anythin
i dont think it was me..
it was her insecurities tht
outweighed the love for me.
a.l
Ink Still Coming Out

This boy rise from the dark corner of a room,
Where there no light for the flower to bloom,
Where the wave, show me the ways,
To amaze you every day,
I squeese my head down,
To see your smile, every sweat drop to the ground,
Every second flow to countdown, i never miss a count,
Just to show my love too astound,
I shout your name, without adout on the highest paramount,
At the lawn, till dawn, Just to see you respawn,
So we will be together forever and i will never ever let you gone,
Your mom and dad on the list, so i make them a tryst,
To let them know, im holdin' your wrist,
huggin' you for the blist,-out,
Before we lift up to the cloud,

Can you hear me, through this beat?
That i cant stay clam, while thinking how beautiful you are,
While you beautifully embalm, me like a shooting star,
That landed in my heart, from the outher space,
From the far i can see that light glazy, shinning from that face,
And now i can get out from this hazing gasling maze,
Dont let me losse it before the next phrase,
Please, i dont want to feel this,
Pain but anything that i should gain,
That the reality when they call me crazy,
Coz im the joker, you my harley quinn,
If im a king, will you be my queen?
I telling you that i love you and i will prove it...

My mouth aint sweet enough make you blush,
I played with word but still can been trust, not for you to flush,
Im your crush not for lust,
To cheer you at high tide never make me tired to fight for my pride to show my gust,
There's a knight, that ready for fight,
For you, day and night,
That who i am, your savior,
Anything happen here even a disaster,
I will save you after my mother,
So she can see, that i want her to see, i save the woman i love,
This is a curse, when i cant durst myself to express myself to the universe,
Serve anythin' that you should deserve,
Emptyin' my purse is my thirst for your love,
List out, so i can bring it out,
This ink still comming out,
I will make never adout my love,
Just like you should deserve..
Look at us,
We don't know who we are
With our heads in the clouds 
And our eyes on the stars

Look at us,
We won't get very far
With our heads in the clouds
And our eyes on the stars.

When I was a child
I was pretty wild
But nothing compares to the day
I decided I had say

Growing up I did right
Tried to follow stoplights
But sometimes I would just give up
Never found a perfect love

Tryna find out who I am
Realizing I don't know anythin'
But when I'd try to be something
I'd never have just what I need

Look at us,
We don't know who we are
With our heads in the clouds 
And our eyes on the stars

Look at us,
We won't get very far
With our heads in the clouds
And our eyes on the stars.

We're so young, we don't know
Who we are or what we hope
We are the future, we are the sound
Of innocence taking a turn around

So we look to the stars and we look to the sky
One hundred reasons not to care why
Sailin' on a cloudtop
Waitin' for the rainstop
Who knows where we are
Who we are
Why we're here and

Look at us,
We don't know who we are
With our heads in the clouds 
And our eyes on the stars

Look at us,
We won't get very far
With our heads in the clouds
And our eyes on the stars.
Andrew Nov 2017
will   stars   rain   moon   desert   night   snow   time   light   day   eyes   black   clouds   cold   beneath   sky   purple   love   red   dusk   wings   fall   green   river   dark   soft   mountains   wind   juniper   memories   move   walk   air   thought   silver   darkness   mesa   flowers   days   sun   tears   edges   death   stone   dead   full   deep   dreams   sleep   blue   memory   hole   forest   man   open   white   grey   tonight   mountain   edge   sunset   endless   walking   sound   moth   emerald   spring   long   grass   woods   song   vast   bird   water   slip   window   swamp   earth   slow   morning   empty   deeper   mind   infinity   ocean   weeds   broken   afternoon   head   smile   glit   garden   blanket   sand   small   thunder   filled   body   path   leaving   eye   heart   keep   sip   winter   waves   dream   years   birds   evening   shadows   dawn   flower   tree   sad   bough   petals   face   colors   find   piano   hope   sea   poem   slowly   frozen   cross   moment   early   reflection   summer   field   wet   color   laughing   born   mirror   trees   road   valley   october   draw   heaven   laying   emotions   falling   strong   great   leaves   emerge   feelings   cloud   call   coyote   hold   room   soul   gathers   thin   high   returned   divided   beauty   blood   remember   midnight   write   veins   fish   spider   january   living   opened   god   overwhelming   times   pines   tomorrow   ancient   silent   murky   storm   listen   half   falls   mouth   stood   junipers   stones   dorothy   ground   going   canyons   cry   view   asleep   existence   close   drunk   wall   mexico   soil   quiet   lascivious   things   stillness   breeze   left   distant   web   crying   game   shadow   clay   corn   universe   horizon   silence   lies   brush   low   deer   single   star   holes   teeth   forget   dance   hurricane   layers   shattered   hurry   flash   young   brown   wave   cool   die   race   entropy   venus   sigh   feathers   prairie   haiku   emptiness   plays   fingers   blur   toes   gathered   november   change   wait   crumbles   stalks   rests   changed   smoke   standing   primrose   lose   breathe   door   started   brings   warm   mesas   drops   history   beautiful   thirsty   expanding   pulling   bend   bones   sitting   pine   beach   map   wrong   bloom   grow   trembling   shore   crept   goodbye   tall   wing   help   september   limbs   feel   orange   covered   hidden   crawls   underneath   snake   kiss   hands   front   feathered   arrow   bats   loneliness   *****   heavy   house   zebra   space   misses   eternal   zuni   quick   reason   imagine   cough   florida   thing   disappearing   sounds   mist   flutter   final   kind   horizons   street   bare   gathering   mesquite   throat   rearranged   dancing   cave   jungle   pain   rearrange   flow   drive   gracefully   reflections   clean   shot   chopin   loved   watch   shy   naked   bad   delicately   set   burst   slanting   smiling   smallest   closed   boughs   petrified   elk   smoldering   hours   movement   april   plants   journey   canyon   three   lived   monsoons   wake   smoking   layer   fled   wound   lava   phoebe   drink   delicate   glades   mother   consciousness   flesh   moments   touch   hills   cuffs   rose   march   apart   desire   onion   spine   oblivion   people   hair   lips   erase   fox   fog   christmas   quit   choked   wept   side   seeds   tongue   quietly   fern   pink   rising   seasons   bought   shells   flying   hear   meditations   sadness   unfolding   prayer   watched   floating   ghosts   fill   dying   floor   nah   multiverse   tight   swirl   eternity   tides   stay   fell   snitch   vein   ghost   hammock   mud   moved   moonlight   songs   fawn   raining   crumpled   worms   vermilion   soften   thoughtful   skin   winds   follow   hate   youerode   vet   patches   slips   finally   sway   flowed   fax   coop   rise   swallows   misunderstanding   tantalizing   decide   forked   drinking   marrow   annihilated   wooden   leveled   ceaseless   gun   leave   dusky   dip   dilute   force   meadow   ten   bleeding   hanging   direct   waking   burger   rusty   dried   wrens   snipers   rator   anythin   poisonous   lights   haze   grandparens   pulsating   told   chaotic
Max Vale May 2017
I've got nothing,
I've got no money.
The only good thing is,
I can't lose anythin'.
Meh.......
Courtney O Dec 2017
Every Saturday and holiday I spend here
seems to reanimate my fears
what are we, what are we?
Are we?

Would things be better
if it didn't exist
that it

Every Saturday makes me wonder
where is he
without me
echos of mom's voice resonate within
making me feel weak
is there a lack of commitment
he's sweet, sweet, quintessential delight for me
but he leaves me missing in the phone
feeling slightly like my heart broke
what is missing in our pic
what is wrong with us
is there anythin' I cannot see
JoshuaX Feb 2018
Kept myself from being insane
Cant do anythin i was drained
Gave her my all she never did call and to her nothin was gained,
How can i save myself if i fell
You and me ideas i dwell
Never thought that youll leave me alone and let me suffer in hell.
Delton Peele Jul 2021
Syntax ....generational gaps,
It ain't right
Am I right ?
I mean without you,
Dean killed the spyder....
The spyder killed Dean.......
Even things written right
When relayed or  parlayed
Like we drive down the parkway
And park in the drive way....
Yah?
No.
Ok
Bad example. ....
What I'm tryin to say is .. ..
We all think it's not just our
Inalienable right
It's mandatory to
Change the venicular to be
Hip an ****
Aye brah that beats sick
You're killin it .
Or like  fur shure
Totally!
I would like so be a hypocrite
To say I never give in to it. ..
Usein new slang an dialect
Like a tool .....
You know aye Im up
if you're down.
I'm in to what evers clever boo
Anythin you wanna do
As long as can see you smile
It worth my while...
See how that makes me think
I look cool......like I got styles
See what I'm saying?
I know you do..
C'mon you just read it didn't you.....?
Wait for it....    .
.....
I'll wait......
It's a bit of a thinker...
......
Yah ....soooo
Anyway . ..
If you want to say something right
Or write something you want to say in the right way .  .
The only way convey   is to think it through pick each word wit h precision ...use as few as possible
Wait for the emotions to settle re-read and amend    ....then re-read again before you send.......
And without syntax.  
All these things will not fail to put you at war without end.
Not the gist
Just the fact jack
In perfect syntax


.. ...

— The End —