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the lost girl Jan 2017
contemplating suicide
I remember how my life
was like
watching you with those girls
I could only run or hide
you can't see how it hurts
that every time I end up
with my knife
contemplating suicide
under the tree house
we built when we're child
how far we've come
separated but we got along
contemplating suicide*
one last thing I only want
bury me in all the colors
and all the flowers
which are faded and dark
with a rainbow out of blue
faded in darkness of the night
standing on bridge
ready to jump
ready to fly
*with no hope, no fear
the lost girl Dec 2016
your eyes as an ocean
which I can sink in
every time I gaze at
I feel my bones burning
I found myself thinking
how my life is ending
ringing bells like singing
a goodbye as I'm leaving
I'm going to an end
to an end without you
up my way everything
turns into black and blue
hope is so far away
shades of blue turns to gray
there's nothing left to say
all I gotta do is" fade away
and never comeback again."
My love was too much
to stay alive
in such a life
2016/ 30/ 12
the lost girl Dec 2016
little candy man watches
me, pushing his cotton buttons
running in the candy land
he was grabbing my hand
he was looking so glad
till I said "let me go"

spiders, spiders
runnin away from spiders
he turns to the evil
pushing me to the ground
my death is near
I hear it's sound
he's killing me for my crown
I knew I should've stayed away
from the little candy man
dying in his hands
one last tear falls on the ground
the lost girl Dec 2016
Oh little blade
Open my cage
Let me
Fly to stars
Oh little blade
Tell me
What this is
Is it my blood?
Oh my blood
Why are you pouring
Aren't my tears
enough ?
One more scar
Right on my vein
Wish it will help
Forgetting my pain...
this poem is written by me for my own book named nyctophilia
the lost girl Dec 2016
I'm tired
Tired of the silent books
Of all the empty looks
Hearts searching for freedom
Brains saying "not today"
Our bodies used to pain
The more we walk
The more we fail
Pretending we don't care
But I know
you're killing your brain
Feeling so close to scream
Go on it's not a shame
Try it this time
Try the one you won't ever say
Lie on the rails
Light a cigarette
Forget about aims
Run till you feel breathless
Now you know the happiness
Without money, pain
Without steps, faith
All you need is to say
"Yes, let's run away."
the lost girl Dec 2016
Darkness comes around
As it gets cloudy
You holding my hand
Saying you're proud of me
A tear falling down
Now it seems blurry
Would you help me, dad?
Or you'll watch me drowning?
Can we go back
To when we were happy
Feels like I'm dying
But I just say
I'm crying
Happy endings are real
But happiness
is always
Built on sb's sadness.
the lost girl Dec 2016
Memories
Are still so clear
would you like to listen?
Cause it's hard to deal
With all of these alone
The scars would heal
What about my broken heart?
Would you ever care
about what I feel
Cold walls would only know
About my fears
You can ask them
About voices I hear
But what is about to change?
You always disappear
You think I'm mad
But can't u see my tears?
You think I laugh
If you only see my mask
Then you must
forget about past
I'll keep this memory
I'll walk down the same street
And watch our glory
That probably would be dead
You'll be the murderer
And it will be
Alive in my sheets
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