boy meets girl.
like rose petals
brushing her cheek,
he whispers a warning:
don't get too close.
i’m not here forever.

as if it’s a choice.

girl says,
i really like you.
face like the sun,
trembling, she offers
a half-open heart.

he says,
i love you too,
like an unexpected hug
before the goodbye.
then he leaves —
just like he promised.
but he forgets
a part of himself
is now hers to keep.

Against life, we grew together
Rooftop dancing at golden hour,
Theorising on human behaviour.

The music made us tougher,
**** - supposedly smarter.

Yet nothing cut greater than trusting her.
Has it turned me weak- or stronger?

Risking safety to feel jolly, thriving in co-dependency -
She made me lonely.

But our jaws and belly both hurtful - I was thankful
To laugh so freely, hide carelessly empty
We built a nest of sufficiency for what felt like a century.

Still lonely, though
Shamefully hoping one day she’d hate me so.

i want to be held
and rocked like i was wanted from the start
with arms that hush the noise
and cradle my aching heart

i want the skin of your hand
to graze my cheek so light
in the way that says, “you’re my baby girl,”
and makes the world feel right

i want to rest my head in your lap
and feel you hum a tune
like safety has a quiet sound
that softens up the room

this isn’t romantic
this is what should’ve been mine
what most people have never had to grieve
because they’ve had it the whole time

Lavender and Lysol
I hope you’re excited!
guidance in the form of secrets
Coming out of your shell (I see the old me in you)

Goblin Market
Tales of trysts with a silk tie
under an amnesiac glow (ggp)
A pre-roll keeps doing a disappearing act

Eucalyptus, sweat, steam
You sat there with me for what felt like hours
Two minutes
Sipped electrolytes

Mexican chocolate is back!
They’re zero waste now
Reminiscing (talking ****)
Helping me fill in the gaps

Part 2, 3, 4
Sour wax crunches when frozen
You don’t know how much I needed this laugh
You guys keep me honest

Now more than a day alone feels like solitary confinement
I’ve shed my introvert childhood
I crave companionship
I know how sweet it can be

People say we die alone - get used to it
But I think I’ll end up somewhere
A mango tree
Arms outstretched
Friends as far as the eye can see

there’s such a thing as spending time with someone—with nothing attached.
just two human beings, getting affectionate with each other.
no romance, no ***.
just two souls in a quiet room with screaming thoughts.

i’ve seen it in movies—
but not yet in real life.

what is it like,
to be in one?

I’m scared.
Scared I’ve been too vulnerable.
Scared I trusted too much.
Scared I’ve gotten my hopes up.

I should have known by now
nothing this good is ever real
Nothing ever has been.
Nothing ever will be.
And it’s time to accept that.

I have always been disappointed,
since I was a little girl,
and somehow,
I have made peace with that.

But this time,
this time I want it to be different.
I want it to stick.
I want you to stay.

I’m sorry I love too strongly,
too loudly,
too much.
But there’s something about you
something I can’t explain.

I have never felt safer before,
and yet,
I have never been more terrified.

I’m scared I will let down all my walls,
let you in,
only for you to look around
and decide you don’t like what you see.

I’m scared I’ll scare you away.
I’m scared you’ll be like everyone else.

I’m scared.
I want it to stick.
I want you to stay.

Never wavering
Always thinking
Listening
Feeling
You are a mirror

Built to be constant  
To be melded
And stained
With colors only angels dream in

Crafted to reflect
To refract
To rebuild
To redefine

You are a bleeding blue
And a mellow lilac
And a crimson blaze
All in one

And there’s nothing
Your magic doesn’t touch
Or your soul doesn’t cover
Like fleece on gentle skin

You are calm and chaos
And all the heat in between
There’s no river
You can’t outrun  

My heart has known yours
In seasons of warm
And seas of grief
And in droughts and storms and
Through freezing rain

So now all that’s left
Is the rest of this life
And the thunder
And the light
And your reflection looking back at me

To my platonic soulmate,
We were not meant to be romantic.
We were just meant to be.

Although the love we have each other
is undeniable and although the love
we have each other exists,

It was not meant to stretch beyond
the pure unions of friendship.
It was not meant to stretch at our heartstrings
but instead it was meant to gently massage them into peace.
It was not meant to stretch your leg over my shoulder
at three o'clock in the morning
after a night filled with laughter and conversation.

It was not meant to stretch past the boundaries we subconsciously
set to ensure that things don't get complicated.
It was not meant to stretch our connection into emotional destinations that have no return tickets if we took that plunge.

Romance is not the only reason the universe brings souls together.
Growth and love can exist without it.
Perhaps we were not meant to be romantic
Perhaps we were only meant to be.

She said,
"I'm looking for someone,
Looking for something."
I asked,
"What is it?"
She replied,
"I can't exactly remember."
I questioned,
"How will you know you've found it?"
She said,
"It's something one can't forget,
Someone never forgotten."
I asked further,
"Well, who is it?"
She said,
"I don't really know,
But I think I've seen them before.
There's an image in my head
And an idea in my mind,
They feel innate to me."
"Are they, though?"
She didn't answer,
"I think if I just do
As my parents have done
And their parents have done,
I'll be all the closer."
I just shook my head and laughed.
"Sorry, I'm not laughing at you.
I just find it funny.
You say you're searching
For something or someone,
And you only have the slightest idea
Of what that is."
"I know, it's a bit silly."
"Why, they could be
Talking to you right now
And you would never know it then!"
"Maybe, maybe not.
I'd like to think
I would recognize it, recognize them."
"Well, you don't think
You're special do you?"
"No more so than anyone else."
"So, how would you know?"
"I guess I just believe,
I have faith in that
Hope shall deliver me.
I try my hardest
To be the best I can be,
I always try to be honest
And act respectfully.
I love with all my heart
And shelter it from nobody."

"Ah, but do you reach?
Do you search your mind
As much as the tangible world?
Perhaps what you're looking for
Can't be found
Without exploring within first.
Perhaps this is the only place
It exists.
Maybe it is a mystery
Confused with fantasy,
Maybe it is a fantasy
Confused with mystery.
Perhaps it can
Only be discovered
By any one individual.
Maybe by elusion,
Made by illusion.
Perhaps it is,
Perhaps it isn't,
Maybe you're just not worthy.
Perhaps you've already eclipsed it."
I had said.
"I'm looking for someone,
Looking for something."
I said.

"What is it?"
She said.
"It's something one can't forget,
Someone never forgotten."
I said.
"Yes, but who remembers?
And what memories?"
She said.
"It's something that can't be held,
But something one must hold.
It's something that can't be told,
But something one must tell.
It's like the melody of a song,
Like the lyrics sung.
It is only as old
As it is young."
I said.
"What is it?"
She said.

"What is it?"