before she took her last breath
they promised heaven for all eternity
but hell is much realer
home for horror, suspense, and thriller

before the "almighty" father of all
she tried to kneel to the creator with naked soul

omnipresent even in hell
the kingdom of his enemy
omnipotent; powerful; supreme from all
thus give the sinners everlasting penalty
omniscient forever and ever and ever
yet cannot show a piece of clemency


*

lucifer did exist
then he turned to a demon
tired of all the lies
of the father of the treason

#sin   #lies   #life   #religion   #death   #betrayal   #existence   #mercy   #sinners   #demos  

I am a bug in a bathtub.
After trying to climb the wall
twenty times
and sliding back down
twenty times
I believe I am going to wait
for that mysterious hand
to reach down
and carry me to safety.
At least until I catch my breath
and have another crack
at climbing that wall.

I regularly rescue bugs from my bathtub. Today I actually fished a bug out of the toilet bowl, and sure enough it was alive. I carried it into the sanctuary of my church, and let it crawl from my finger onto a curtain. It sat next to me through the sermon. Two years ago I would have just flushed the toilet.

Stuck in this world where I don't belong
Praying to God I won't have to stay here too long
I can feel you crawling under my skin
While I'm going through these endless circles
Running from you again
Every time I try and open my eyes to see
This broken world blinds me

I was never mean't to belong here
Where broken promises lie
Set me free from this misery
Give back my wings so I can fly
I was never mean't to belong here
So at times I want to cry
I need your grace and I'm starving for your mercy
Don't leave me here to die

#broken   #god   #angel   #grace   #fallen   #mercy  
Afiqah
Afiqah
Feb 19

it's quite traumatizing
even on the surface,
when the sea salt
wriggled through my skin
this is probably where I should be
the place most likely
you wouldn't see me beg for your mercy
on my almost heart

-a.

There is a little kid crying in the corner begging to die.
I know his face and the reasons why he tries to commit suicide.
Little boy struggling to breathe through the sobs and tears
Wants to forget the proceeding years wants to ignore the fear
Wants to deny the lies he hears from his angry mom who is
Screaming violence in his face ripping security from this place.
I want to tell him that this will pass cause I know it will;
Say that there is something better coming, but that’s not how I feel.
I want to cradle him in the comfort of a calm future,
Rock him in a chair of certainty till he slumbers knowing for sure
The world will not continue to hurt him, that people will love him,
But I know that those tragic trends will happen again and again.
Lovers will leave, deceive, while family and friends fade too fast.
Poetry will help, but he will still wear the scars of the past
Knowing that strangers are safer than those human traitors,
Who promise hope, who hide behind friendly gestures.
I want to help that little boy, but he is me and I cannot break free
Of the shadow he casts.

Can't fix like You do.

to think I can heal,
is proud.

come,
please,

help me let go
and go
grip Your hand

not these old
shards of mine.

Dragged in by chains
You won't leave alone tonight
With everything you've said
Every crime commited
Here is a prison
Made of everything you know
Throw away the key
Because You won't see the day
Again

All fear and shame
They knew my name
I was in bondage to every broken sin
All fear and shame
They knew my name
I was in bondage to every sin

And here I was lost
Bound to my cell
Past was calling
Burdened from hell
You took my place
Where nailed wrists bled
And the thorns that pierced
Where you died and bled
Taking my place

Breathing softly
As the casket closed
And iron maiden
To close me into binds
No escape
No closure
No escaping the exposure of this sting
Untill you came
And took the death belonging to me

And here I was lost
Bound to my cell
Past was calling
Burdened from hell
You took my place
Where nailed wrists bled
And the thorns that pierced
Where you died and bled
Taking my place

And here I was lost
Bound to my cell
Past was calling
Burdened from hell
You took my place
Where nailed wrists bled
And the thorns that pierced
Where you died and bled
Taking my place

Take this life and all its pain
Blessed Are you Slain
Blessed Is The Slain
Blessed, beloved return again

2 Corinthians 5:21
#love   #suicide   #broken   #freedom   #death   #grace   #prison   #mercy   #bondage   #rescue  

I'm not as good as the light suggests
I prefer the dark where my shadows are invisible
Where they can't follow me and watch me
And show me my wrongs
Show me I don't belong

There is no song that can make me feel better
About what I've done
The things I've seen, done, and wished I hadn't
I've learnt from them, this poem is proof of that
Once I put it in words it's as good as set in stone
Because out of everything I've known
Poetry is the only thing that feels like home

So please be a razor and shave away my sins like my hairs
Like my hairs my sins are uncountable
Shave them off and let them fall
Allow me retribution
Allow me freedom
I have been beaten

I don't want to remain in this darkness anymore
I want to yearn for the light and remember when my shadows walked WITH me and not against me
When my shadow had pride enough in me to walk with me
When my soul was as close to me as my jugular vein
Please take away this pain
Let not me be a bane in the rain of your mercy
Let not me fail...

Show me mercy...

Sometimes I wish you would
Hit me and kick me,
Make me beg for mercy,
And torture me forever.

Sometimes I wish you would
Beat me until I'm numb,
Make me cry out,
Cut me until I can't bleed anymore...

Sometimes I wish you would
Use my body,
Give me everything I deserve,
And tear me apart...

Sometimes I wish you would
Just throw me through a wall,
Break every bone,
Make my tears stream into my wounds...

Because that would be
So much easier than
Sitting here and
Watching you be with her.

January 7, 2017.
#love   #pain   #abuse   #bleed   #hit   #numb   #cut   #punch   #mercy   #kick  

Oh give thanks
unto the Lord
for He is good
and His mercies,
Oh yes
His mercies,
they never fail us
never.
His mercies
they
endure
forever
and ever
and
ever more.


Cj 2017 0108

So much we take for granted.  
So seldom, and maybe only as a last resort,
do we get what we really deserve.
 
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