I'm still ripping out my eye lashes
It makes me sad.
I lay and wonder about the woes I cast
and why I feel so bad.

Reflection is a tricky thing.
It can bring up so much, but is never-ending
Like the hyphen between never and ending
Reflection is a process that loops.

You can feel as if you're on top of the world
Once you've climbed out of a pit after reflecting...
only to fall into a ravine after taking a few steps outside instead of running.

The journey to healthy is a tough one.
I feel like I'm splashing in this gorge
Flapping and flailing around,
trying to escape and get warm

Overtime, I slow down more and more
until finally, I want to give up
Succumb to the bubbles...
and perhaps, never wash up.

How do you do,
Mr. Shadow on the wall,
No rudeness intended,
But I did not miss you,
In your absence.

Remember when I was young,
Remember when I was weak?
You stole my sense of purpose,
I let you in,
And you had your way with me.

One step forward,
Ten steps back.
Each step backward,
I felt your breath on my neck.
This time is different.

I reflect on yesterday,
Today is the day to ponder,
Today I see one small change,
I’m strong,
No longer small.

Same problems, New mind,
Loneliness still haunts my soul.
Your presence gives me agita,
Cramping my style,
In this newfound perspective.

Back to square one,
Back to my square roots,
These exponential problems,
Are not yours to guide me through.
Get away, Stay away.

I stared at the wound as it stayed open
Gave up hope that it would ever close
Stood up, sighed
Walked away feeling resigned
To accept the pain as a part of me
Not wanting it anymore and yet not regretting it
Simply wishing it did not hurt
And would not become infected
As it lay exposed, bare before the world

As I kept walking, life fell in
Swept me away in a way love never could
Yet love was a part of the whole
Life grew larger
The world grew smaller
Memories grew in number
While friendships grew in meaning
And as what I knew grew exponentially,
Our time together grew more blurry
Our separation I understood more
As I thought about it less

What I thought were stones of foundation
Turned out to be forming just the windows
Set aside for now, one day to be dusted off and placed in the house that is my life
Shedding light on parts of myself I discovered through loving and leaving you

I find myself conquering the greatest fear I had when we parted,
That I would one day look back and call it young love,
Robbing it of what it truly was to me—real love, deep love, lasting.
It would be untrue, unjust to minimize it
To reduce it to a cliche, to call it a coming of age
I feared I would try to disguise it to somehow lessen the pain
I didn't realize the possibility that our love may become smaller
Not from my efforts to minimize it,
But because I would grow around it

I underestimated God
I underestimated myself
I'm not going back and changing the story to make it go down sweeter
Saying now that you didn't really know me then to make it feel a little neater
You did know me
I did love you
Our love was not small in the world we shared
It was the greatest love I had known
And now, now I no longer live in that world
Our love did not shrink
I have grown

Where did that wound go?

I took the time, sat with the sting of it
A whole year to process and grieve it
Sort through the feelings of watching you repeat it
With a girl that looked like my sequel

A year goes by and you're back on a flight
She's not there and you ask yourself why
I wonder if I came to mind

Baby, why didn't you grieve us
I went to the funeral and was the only one giving speeches
I love the way we tried
I love the way we shared such good years of our lives
I'll try again and I
Know someday I'll get it right
But it starts with saying good bye