Nicole

Nicole Mar 28

to the cat i had to let go

i pay my debt by seeing you everywhere and realizing we will never meet again.

i will be forever haunted by the fact that i played a role in losing you.

Nicole Mar 23

lost

sometimes
the more you try to find yourself
the more lost you get

there's no running away from the fate of doom.

Nicole Jan 29

spare me

everyday i eat dirt just to prove im worthy to step on this land

everyday i inhale toxic gas just to prove im worthy to breathe its air

it's try to say "i belong, i belong, i belong." but i know to myself i never want to be here

i don't want to be worthy of this

Nicole Jan 18

love me pain

it is the pleasure in killing myself.

the sting from my wounds are my food.

Nicole Jan 4

people of the past

there is always this odd feeling whenever i hang out with people from my past. not that we have cut our connection, but we just rarely see each other, and we often only do just to catch up with our lives. i cannot help but to reminisce and notice the difference between now and then. how we used to be like this and how we are doing now. it is both nostalgic and hollow. we are now not who we were. life now is not how it was.

i believe that if time machine exists, going through it would be a feeling similar like this.

Nicole Jan 4

nostalgia

there is this feeling after reading the stories you once did when you were still a young innocent child. it is somewhat sickening, rooted from lost hope. a similar feeling when i realized my childhood was over.

nostalgia could be poison when rooted in regret for unwanted growth. life was better before i was able to cook by myself.

Nicole Jan 3

it is what it is

when you have reached the depth of your internal suffering
that intense heaviness in your heart
and the most comforting part of your sorrow

to realize that you are done

the pleasuring guilt when you just had enough.