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SangAndTranen Mar 2018
Hiding, running,
What’s the difference?
I’m still avoiding the danger.

Missing the “thrill”
Of death’s hand
On my shoulder.

Missing the weight
Of impulsive decisions
On my head.

Facing the music is overrated
When there is a mute button
At hand.

Leave me alone.
Stop injecting me with your fire,
Turning my heart into a thunderstorm.

I don’t like rain,
I don’t run into the snow.
Let me sit in the sun.

Blood or none,
Stay far away.
You are nothing
But trouble to me.

You’re shadowed by toil,
Stop telling me I’ll love the pain.
I’m not going to take your hand,
And walk into the chaos.

I think with my head,
Not my sword.
So I’ll count the days until someone tells me,
You got yourself killed.
Bit weird, as usual.
Merry Feb 2018
Death was in her lungs
And it was imminent
Every *******, gulping breath she took
Came with a bedside beg
Of release

I couldn’t stay
I couldn’t watch
I’m a coward
A traitor to the blood
In my veins
So alive, so healthy
To the blood
I received from her

A kiss upon her forehead
Her darkened skin
Turned to paper
Sickeningly soft
To my rough lips

Her suffering
Not dulled
By anything
Spirituality, science
People or family

A painful, sputtering sleep
In a clinical room
By the murky sun’s graceless light
On a cloudy afternoon

I forgot to say
I love you
But words aren’t enough
Words are meaningless
It is our actions
Which doth divine
Our true intentions
Our true emotions
And mine
Reveal only cruelty
And the absence of courage
For my Grandmother, may she rest in peace.
mt Nov 2017
i wouldn't recommend you spend your years like me.
No no.
I did learn a thing or two! It's true.
But looking back I was beating around off track.
Years with the machete swinging lethargically
For empty hours each day
Contented to sit and grow fat on red berries.

What could i have done to skip my fall tonight
through the ice of these memories?
Is it today that colours the yesterdays in my brain?
A dark arctic swirl.
Submarine windows, cracking panes

What could i do now to stop feeling the same.
Let those carcasses freeze over,
Breathe air on top

I would like to say I'm a caterpillar
Become butterfly.
But that's not how humans work.

As I look through windows to the past
I whisper that they're growing pains.
Can I love my skin, as I stroke my scars?
I hope these feelings do not last.
I'm not dead yet, is my refrain.
Those bruises you once left on my hips
didn't look so good on my arms
I wonder how they look
Now that they're on my heart
*You would know since you're the one holding it.
How long did it continue to beat after it left my chest?
Three Of Swords
That's what you are
SwordNPen Jul 2017
I tripped over these words so much that my knees
are scared with permanent bruises If I could say the words
that are caught in my throat I would be able to live with
no regrets. However I'm only half the man I pretend to be
so I live with three words forever lodged in my throat,
so if I could go back i would tell you....
.......that......I......
Atoosa Jul 2017
Could've Been
Almost was...
Lost your chance
To write the story of Us

You don't have what it takes to write a living masterpiece:  
courage, open heart, empathy and trust

I'm the most amazing woman that ever could've been yours...... if you were not so afraid to be mine.

We were to belong to each other and to God together.
But now you will have to settle for less because you could not bring yourself to be more.
Or perhaps it never could've been at all. Hard to know sometimes even in retrospect what was real and what was illusion .

"
Delta Swingline Jun 2017
I like to believe that I'm stronger than I am.
That I'm braver than I am.

And yet, I fall into cowardice like any other reflex built into my skin.
It's a program the world wanted to overwrite onto my story. Like I didn't have a choice about whether or not I wanted to be miserable.

And I want to be better.
Who doesn't?

I just... fall away. Like it's so easy to give in to what you've been exposed to. No matter how dangerous or vulnerable it makes you.

You just fall.

I drop into a broken conversation, it just ended with an "I'm sorry".

It feels so final.

Like the unsatisfying ending of a story you wish you could rewrite. Like you're in so much control, you'll do anything to keep that control within your grasp.

I didn't want this.

I didn't want the final result I got.
Nothing.

An open road, and being told to just go anywhere.
Anywhere but were you came from.
Leaving home, and not returning to the comfort of the arms that held up your body when it couldn't fight gravity, falling to the ground.

They pick you up like it's the only thing they were ever taught to do.

I wish I told them everything.
I wish I told them how much I could cry.
How it could make an ocean all on its own.

I wish I hugged them more.
Told them they were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Told them that I would drop everything to be there for them.

That I would write songs about them.
That I would write and write and write until we had no more jokes to laugh about.

So, I guess the writing and laughing would never stop.

I wish I said more.

I mean. I wish I said something.

I wish...

I wasn't so afraid of being here.

I was told to go back to them.

I wonder if they'd ever want me back.
After everything.

So how do I go about this sort of deja vu?

Being told that:

"Maybe one "Hello" will flip everything."

Maybe. But I haven't gotten there.

Not yet anyway.
I'm just scared of being honest even though that is one of the only things I have left.
Shanath Apr 2017
You see the man first
Your head above your plate,
The fork and the spoon
In your hands.
You skipped the prayer of thanks,
Or to even pause a second
To see what you had been served,
Even before the server could leave
You had your first bite through
And you could not tell how it tastes.
"You were to escape"
You used to say,
"Escape what" now you question.
Silence flows through you like blood
Must have on that man's face,
If you were courageous enough
You could have counted the slaps
That man had placed.
Instead you paused and stared
Too many answers in you mind
On how there were no words
But you skipped the right question.
You heard the fire,
You heard the structure falling
And you saw the crowd gathering.
There was so much you should do
So little you could
But you skipped your rule
And sat there the way through.
Years of rebellion
And years of righteousness
Washed in that moment of cowardice.
You sat there all
Just staring and answering
The questions you couldn't ask.

Do you remember what you suggested?
You suggested to walk away
To make the man realize his wrong ways
But silly you,
Why are you so much of a coward ,
I doubt
It was simply you running away.
For the thought you skipped to act
Was walking to the man
And holding back his fist
But you so had it all skipped.
You sat there,
A silent prayer running through your mind
Couldn't you tell,
You are no help to the world,
What were you doing there?

And so here you are
The sad, pitiful part
You worried about not having answers,
Silly you,
Now you pace
With answers alone
You decided to skip the questions.

Answer-
You can either comment on the fire
Or ignore the smoke all together
But you do nothing
To douse the flames
You skipped the
full moon Mar 2017
Believe it or not
in my twenty three years of life living on earth
i have never fall in love
not even once

But look at me now
being in a relationship with someone i just met
asking someone i just met to be my girl
im truly pathetic

being her my first girlfriend
and soon might be my first love
and who knows
she might be my first kiss as well..

right now i dont know what comes into my mind that i get my self into this position
the very first minute that we've been in a legal relationship
i already want a break up (im cruel!)

coz for this is a forbidden love
between two forbidden persons
if i did fall
im afraid to have my first heartbreak.
coz im scared to love im cruel
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