Gone
Empty
Alone
Worthless
Pushed to the limit,
But holding out for a savior.
About to fall,
But holding onto the hand of a stranger.
Trust invested in you.
With the hope you see those promises through.
I've been a shattered shell for too long.
Trusting my judgment, then being proved wrong.
Never knowing when the time is right,
To stop crying myself to sleep at night
I feel nothing
No words
No life
Just an empty shell.
I'm stuck under a spell.
Drifting further into a black hole.
Shattered and lifeless, my life takes a toll.
My body is being taken over, yet I still feel
nothing. Nothing at all.
My heart being treated like a kickball.
Thrown around, beaten, forgotten about.
Those dangerous thoughts that follow the doubt.
I just want it all to end.
I don't want to feel the pain anymore.
There's nothing left to fight for
Before I know it I'll be chasing the sun.
I'm done. With Everything. I'm done.
I feel nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Worthless
Alone
Empty
Gone

I let you in,
You pushed me out.
I built you up,
You filled me with doubt.
I gave you reasons to smile,
You tore me down.
I gave you words of encouragement,
You were the reason behind my frown.
I have kept every secret you told me,
You betray me.
I prevented you from feeling trapped,
You prevented me from being free.
You don't care,
You continue to hurt me,
You were never there.
You pushed me away,
Slowly at first, then all at once,
More and more each day.
Guilting me into staying by your side,
Controlling me like a puppet,
Making my emotions your free roller-coaster ride.
What kind of sick friendship is this?
Am I someone you really trust?
Or is this a friendship that won't be missed?

I hear them.
Loud and clear
Calling my name
From deep within the bitter darkness
The place I used to call home
Is suddenly being held hostage
Trapped and alone
I release a sound
Foreign to my tongue for
It hasn't been spoken
In months
Too painful to say
Too painful to hear
My heart can't bare
Anymore pain
For it might break
In a million more pieces
The heart can only take so much
As I begin to shake
The words I've been trying
To say to you
Escape from my mouth
Faster than the speed of light
Foreign to my tongue
Unable to be contained
For they have been
For way too long
I love you.
I miss you.
I hate you.
I can't stand you.
I want you.
I need you.
Get away from me.
Go somewhere else.
Don't leave me again.
Stay with me.
You saved me.
But you broke me.
Into more than a million pieces
Crushed me
Left me broken
Stepped on my heart
You broke me
But I love you
I really love you
All I see is the dark
I am surrounded by dark
Not a single shred
Of light escaping
My body
I guess I have you
To blame for turning
My soul
Darker than night.

"Where I Belong"

Sometimes you lead me in green meadows and quiet gentle streams
Sometimes you take me into the desert for a while
I will go where you walk before me, where you lead I will follow.

Some days I feel at peace with my life
Other days I feel lost and all alone
And I'm reminded that this is not my home.

I know one day I'll find a place where I belong
I'll be home at long last, I'll be happy and free
All the people living in perfect harmony.

While I'm here Lord living for the moment
Guide me use me show me where I belong
Doing my best to serve you by serving my neighbor.

Help me with the faith to trust in your perfect plan
To believe that all is well when I just don't understand.

When I am lost and wandering you bring me back home
When I crawl back to you humble and broken
You run out to me and hug me and kiss me

And you take me back:
Back where I belong

My soul is restless until it rests in you
And that's where I belong

And one day I'll leave this space to be called home
Back to the place where I belong

In the darkest hour,
In the brightest day,
Every step I take,
I miss you in every single way.
The way your green eyes shined so bright,
The way you always held me tight.
You made me feel safe and sound,
I miss the way we joked around.
I miss the way you used to sing,
I miss hearing your voice when the phone would ring.
I will forever be your pussycat,
I will forever miss hearing you say my brown eyes reminded you of the color of "MUUUD".
I will forever be Grandma's little girl.
I will work hard to make you proud,
When I need you I will call out loud.
I know you're always watching over me,
My guardian angel you will ALWAYS  be.

Life is just a fantasy
In the light of day
But in the dark of night
That's when my demons come out to play
They whisper and fester
Beneath my skin
They tell me I'm worthless
That I'll never win
They fight all the light
And drag out the darkness
All my pain is renewed
My sorrow and my sickness
They hide behind my eyes
While my life passes me by
But when I'm quiet at night
They're always nearby
To tell me I'm nothing
And to keep me contained
To shake me and break me
While I'm still chained
By my past insecurities
And deepest fears
My demons are my life at night
And have destroyed all I hold dear.