These men drool on me
like a pitbull
and cry at my feet
For what?
A treat?
Denied.
Defeat.
But the dogs hang around like my first name’s Cruella.

Addicted to the taste of your saliva when it mixes with mine
And the lingering aftertaste of a temporary love
The sweet aroma floods my nostrils sending me into sugar rush
Who’s crash leaves my heart aching for more

Just as one nightmare ends another one starts
The anxiety fades but the depression stabs me in my  heart
It’s The calm before the storm where everything is warm and the sun beams down before i am torn apart and dragged to an unknown place
it suffocates me and is terribly dark
no wait my eyes catch a beautiful spark
i search this place but i cannot trace the spark but then i see my face  and i realize that i’m the one that's illuminating
i stare back at my reflection
motivating me to go one direction
up up up and away why would anyone wanna stay down where it’s gray and cold where you lay and you realize it’s been days since you’ve seen the light
my body is battered and bruised
my soul is pretty messed up too
but this radiant spark fills my heart with joy and beautiful art and wherever i stand i leave my mark and the world starts to feel like my kingdom
my soul appears to be glowing
it’s just a spark but it keeps me going
i tear down the walls i no longer crawl i stand up tall and the warmth returns to my senses
such a familiar sensation but it's been awhile
I can genuinely flash the world a smile
no need to hide
no need to escape
i left the devil alone at his gates

Just as one nightmare ends another one starts
The anxiety fades but the depression stabs me in my  heart
It’s The calm before the storm where everything is warm and the sun beams down before i am torn apart and dragged to an unknown place
the dark hole i’m immersed in has never seemed so black
i want to find a way out but something draws me back
i army crawl my way to have one good day and cut myself up on hopelessness and dismay and i may get a wave but it quickly goes away and i stand there feeling empty
the slice down my arm is dripping with red
enough to feel the pain, but not enough to be dead
i stare at the cut ******* you hopeless **** i want out of this rut but the door remains shut and i have no strength left to kick it open
would anyone care if i was no longer around
if my voice was no longer an existing sound
if i let myself bleed then maybe i’ll be free let out one last scream no one will miss me and i’ll finally be in heaven and not hell
‘cause the demons thrive here in this terrible world
it is far too scary for this innocent girl
just grab that knife don't you dare think twice just take your life this place is not nice but i stop and breakdown crying
goodbyes must be said to the ones who may cry
i wish them luck in this world full of lies
i’ll miss them but i can’t keep opening my eyes
to the void places that lurk outside
i can't hide
i can’t escape
so all i do is never wake

Snort
Inhale
Swallow
Repeat
Your cold and bony hands are occupied by xanax and a square
So you can’t touch my soul anymore

Lick my body like a popsicle melting on a hot summer day
Experience me, anytime, any way
Take control and don’t be coy
Play around, I’m your personal toy
Pull my hair and don’t be shy
Make juices drip between my thighs
Don’t stop and stay the night
I want to never have felt so right

Legs pressed tight, so you have to pry
Mouth too wet between my thighs
Heart sunken in, so I no longer try
Throat holds back a wailing cry
Eyes terrifyingly meet with mine
Memories tattoo to my now messed up mind

The devil is inside us
First he crawls in our brains;
swims in our veins
Hides in the inner workings of your soul
Comes out to play at the times where
He smells the weakness of another pouring out of their skin
The scariest part about him isn’t the plan of attack
No
It’s how you never know when you’re dealing with him
He disguises himself as God
His goodness radiates from your pores letting the naive population
Become your personal disciples
Then it’s too late.
He has you in his fiery fists
But you don’t know that you’re burning until you’re crumbling out of his hands
Into a mound of black dust at his feet
Is it he who’s the devil?
Or is it me?

isolation
just me in my own world
creating perfectly impossible scenarios
it’s not loneliness
it’s getting lost in my own mind
and getting tangled in the beautiful mess that makes up who i am
my brain transforms into a galaxy of swirling blue and purple with the brightest moments shining like stars
i remove myself from reality and let my spirit drift off into the ideal universe i have created
that wonderful boy stares into my face so intensely i feel like it’s melting
our hands are intertwined
he draws me closer until there is no space between the two of us and we are breathing the same air
our chests rise and fall in unison
it’s as if our bodies are one like a cell and we never want to split
and our love is like the mitochondria because it’s power keeps us living and living on and on and…
isolation
i remove myself from the deepest parts of my mind and become familiar with my normal surroundings
reality doesn’t ****, but this perfect world i have created inside my mind makes me feel free from the polluted minds of people in this society
so i isolate
isolate myself from fake friends who hide behind a mask of smiles and empty conversations and only remove it when my back is turned so they can see where to shove the knife
isolate myself from the boy who i’m madly in love with, but had broken me because “it wasn’t me it was him” and now i’m just another passing face in the hallway
isolate myself from the men who now see me as fresh meat and my personality and interests and who i am are just the appetizer and all they want is to peel off the wrapper and devour the main course just to throw away the leftovers
sometimes i just need to escape
I’m not lonely I’m a dreamer
and to dream you need
isolation