It pains me to say
it's been so long that I can't
remember your eyes.

My body is the
temple where both love and hate
reside in turmoil.

You know, I know you miss me
and the nights we had
and the times I told you I loved you
and the nights we rambled about nothing.
Yeah, you ******* miss me.

But I can't skate by knowing
I just let you walk away,
right on by.
And I hate myself for that.
But still, things could be like old times.

Well, it’s 3 in the morning
and you’re still standing
Beside that rain-covered window
And I don’t know why

I hope that you are
Just admiring the mosaic tones
The raindrops give as you try
To stare right through

But you know and I think so too
That this is all we have left
You and your window
And me here just watching

And still the rain pours
And the sheets stay creased
And it’s been awhile
Since I’ve noticed either one

Can we take it back
to the evening when the sky
was lit to the brightest hue
of reds and oranges
and lay on top of the roaring ocean
as we glided hand in hand
along the shoreline
even though we got soaked
together in the rolling tide?
Because I'd give anything in this world
to have just that evening back.

Although you hide your love
I can feel the admiration
you have for me
in the way you moan in my ear
and whisper sweet nothings
as if you were loving me
even if it were just for the night.

My heart is shattered and splintered
it is bruised and battered
it is lacking the one thing that
any human needs most --
a love so strong and pure
that the stars couldn't match
the light that shined from inside us.

I said to her bleakly,
"Honey, there's no space for you anymore."
She collapsed my cabinets of memories
locked in my mind
and made a mess out of the images
that once stole my heart
and the tears drowned out
every last bit of emptiness I had inside me
so I had to say goodbye,
so long,
and thanks for dying for me.

I want You to take me up
and crash me into Your waves
with the force of Your love
and protect me from the undertow
because I know You're always
by my side, I can trust You.
I only pray that You don't
let me sink into the darkest depths
of my unforsaken heart
and help me see the sunset.

I can't tell if I'm sad
or lonely
or angry
or lost
because life has been
so cruel
merciless
smoldering
that I fall weak at the knees
unable to withstand the weight
that it has cast upon my
breaking, brittle bones.

Until the day when I meet you at the bus stop,
the same one I dropped you off at some weeks ago,
when I get to stand on my tiptoes to kiss your smoke-scarred lips,
as you have to slouch to envelope
every inch of yourself around me,
keeping me safe, keeping me warm,
I will close my eyes and play back
that night where I sat in
the passengers seat, staring out
my dust covered window
trying to hide the tears
streaming down my face,
because we promised each other
we’d stay strong,
no I miss you’s, no please hurry home.

Until the night when I get to make you your favorite dinner
- rosemary steak and garlic potatoes -
and we get to sit at our dining table,
laughing over wine and memories,
I’ll begin to forget the loneliness I felt when you left,
because I knew you’d come back.
We made a promise to ourselves,
and timing is not always the best,
but in our selflessness we find strength.
I know this is the best thing for us,
for our future, so that our life together
can finally begin,
but the days feel like months,
and the weeks, years,
and this time alone is killing me.
You made me feel alive,
please come back home.

I would rather feel
the harsh sting from your silence
than nothing at all.

"What is left if you
don’t want to live inside the
skin that makes you sick?”

I loved you to the point of ruin
but instead you filled my lungs with ash.

There is a comfort in holding on,
but an even greater relief in letting go
the one thing that taught you about love.

Two poets fell in love
with words that flowed
from the same fingertips
that grazed each other’s faces
and emotions that fell on paper
just as they found their way
into their hearts.

And this went on for quite some time
as their hearts bled like the ink from a pen
until there was nothing left but
blackened tears that lined the parchment.

The calm --
it sweeps through my arms
and grazes my hair
as it washes over
my scarred, battered skin.

It speaks --
it tells me of all the sorrows I've suffered
in my ear,
where I cannot help but overhear
the words that should soothe but do not.

Its touch --
so cold, so ice cold
that my shivers are uncontrollable
and I cannot hide, or speak, or think
because the silent noise overwhelms every inch of me.

She wants to see the naked parts of your soul,
the places where nobody roams.
There must be something there
that keeps such a precious heart beating.

"Just let me in," she says
as her head rested on his chest
for she longed for quite some time
to know why he guarded his heart so.

Not a moment went by where she lacked hope
that one day this brown-eyed boy would let her in
all she needed was the patience,
the patience before he'd give in.

If all that separates me from you
is just the sky and sea
I would learn how to both swim
and fly and breathe underwater
all so the miles grew into feet
and then to inches
and then to the palms of your hands.

It's like you never left,
the way the air still smells
of that cheap dollar store cologne
and of stale Marlboros and whiskey.

Your phantom hands ran through my hair
and ghostly lips sunk into my neck
and I could not help to think I heard you say
"oh honey, oh, how I've missed you."

But all the while my eyes were closed
I hadn't realized something:
that the window lay cracked wide open
and the wind blew out the candle flame.

I have a hard time
not regretting things I've done,
but sometimes it eats away at you
like an unhealing wound.

I wish I could say
that there isn't one thing
I would have changed about us
but we'd both know I'd be lying.

And really, who am I kidding?
I would take you back
in a heartbeat,
everything in its entirety.

I stared into your eyes;
so captivating, so gentle.
You gave me that signal
as you pulled at my ribs
and brought me in closer
to you and
I couldn’t help myself
I caved
I sunk into you like
waves crashing over me
and I wanted nothing more
than to drown in your skin.

The ones who say
they can live on their own
are liars.

Those who say
that love doesn't matter
are liars.

I say this with the intention
that one cannot live without
that one cannot find from anything else;

the conversation with others
or a simple graze of the hand
or a kiss every once in a while.

You'll always need someone
there for you, for any reason
even as miniscule as a "hello".

I'm starting to see that
life is only worth living
if you have the chance to love
fully and truly.

One night I watched a girl
as she immersed herself into the sea
with tears streaming down her face
but there was no telling any difference
between the salty waves and
the droplets that left her screaming eyes.
And I didn't know how to help her
or why she cursed the night sky
as if it brought her pain to see darkness.
But all the while, or really not until just before
did I realize this girl was me
as she sank to the ocean floor.

We took to the streets --
the spotty-lit streets and drizzle-covered sidewalks
without worries and doubts
living the night on high.

Because you were the ones I wanted in my life
always and forever, through thick and thin
and hours of wine drinking until our laughs grew hoarse.
That's all I could ever want, and that's all I'll ever need.

My wrists lay frail and bound
on the tops of my thighs
bruised, fragile
all because I couldn't learn
to say the words to
break the chains that bind me
so tightly to the lies that
weigh me down with
every word that leaves
your mouth.

I've given up on you
and the sick things you do
that destroy the very parts
of me that still felt alive inside.
Why could I have not been stronger?

I want to write poetry but all I can do is relive old memories and hope for unhopeful moments. How can I unteach the words you've taught me or unfeel the touch of your hands or unsee the flecks of light in your eyes or undo everything that once was between us? If I can learn how to make this happen maybe I could find a new muse.

I took a walk near the lake today
and the sun shined on my face
and the waves sparkled like teal glitter
and I could hear the seagulls laughing
and I smiled because it was the first time
in a long time that I had felt pure, relaxed joy
and it wasn't because of you.

My inspiration
lacks due to the absence of
your chest against mine.

The goodness that I once saw inside you keeps drifting farther away and I cannot grasp it. You're falling through my fingertips, I'm losing faith in what we have. I don't know what you're doing right or what I'm doing wrong but I can swear to you that I will not give up my chances to make you work in my life. You brought happiness to it once, you brought excitement to it as well and I'd like to think I did the same for you. Oh, how I wish we could talk like we once did with your "hello miss" and my "good night sir." But now it's like ripping nails from a piece of plywood except they're flattened into your hands forbidding you to type and send me a simple hello. That's all I ask for to help cure my insanity. I don't want to hover or mislead or make you feel obligated. I just want us to be us again; the fun-loving, carefree, get-caught-by-the-cops-making-out us we once were. Please do that for me.

Dear God,

I know you've tried your hardest to heal me, to rid me of my wounds that have been caused by all of the trials in my life, but they still hurt. I ask you this, are they always going to hurt? Will I forever faintly feel this pain? Because I cannot stand the constant reminder of my mistakes nor can I stand the afflictions caused by the ones who once cared for me. I wish and pray for you to continue to be a beacon of light in my life and to shed wisdom and answers to my questions. I just feel so fogged and lost. I want to find my path again.

Psalms 31:3
*For You are my rock and my fortress; For Your name's sake You will lead me and guide me.

I wrote you a letter
with tears and spilled ink
saying how I felt
writing all my fears;
that piece of parchment
holds all my secrets
it knows all my hiding places
and I was willing to show you
in hopes that you'd stay.

I knew that if I
let the blood run dry
from the slit you left
on my wrist
I'd be free.

I can picture that one day
we will be together
and we will be happy
and so in love
walking along the coastline
hand in hand
laughing, touching
and we will stay out until the sun set
praying that the day will never end
because you can't imagine the possibility
of never having another day
without them.

Yeah, I hope for that one day.

I miss the taste of moonlight on your skin.

I shall say goodbye for at least a little while for I have lost purpose in this site. I no longer look forward to mail in my inbox or posting my deepest feelings for the public to read. If ever I do get these joys back I shall return to Hello Poetry with open arms. But until then I say adieu.

2:48 am -
I am wide awake
with nothing on my mind
but begging for the sleep
that won't hold memories
of you.

3:16 am -
The cold side of my pillow
is no longer soothing
and my memories
have turned into nightmares
that I can't escape.

4:32 am -
I beg the stars that
I can get a decent night's sleep
one without you in it
one without the perpetual
pain of losing you.

People will ask me
if there ever is a point
to anything other than this
and I will tell them that
yes, yes there is.

In everything you do
you should do it with love
and hope, passion, grace
whether at the courtesy of others
or for one's own pleasure.

With all of your heart
you must try to see the light
even on the darkest eves
for it will guide you through
your most difficult trials.

And lastly, oh, but lastly
shall you see the world
as your canvas -- plain, white and delicate
in need of a great story
to be placed upon it.

We no longer have to
carve our names into trees
or scribe them on a sheet of parchment
or even imprint them on our hearts like a tattoo

because, baby,
trees grow old and die
I crumbled that piece of paper long ago
and scars, over time, heal.

I'm in love with a mother's son
with brown hair and brown eyes
with a husk in his voice
and gently pursed lips
in just a t-shirt and blue jeans.

Now, you see, it's been years
since we've spoken or even seen each other
but I can still remember what it feels like to
touch the stubble on his face
and feel his fingers interlaced with mine.

There are things that I love more than anything in the world:
the smell of the rain on pavement,
the sound of crunching autumn leaves,
watching a blizzard while sitting by the fireplace.
But most of all, my favorite thing was how you used to
hold me and whisper "I love you" in my ear.

She had this sense of fluency, that she moved through stages with ease. All that she did, it seemed easy. But in all honesty she struggled, just like every other ******* person on this Earth but she never let it get to her because she knew she'd crumble away. She feared losing herself to things like love and lust and fate. She saw how others drowned in feelings too strong to overcome. She shielded herself for many years, guarding her heart and hiding. Until she met this gentleman so calm, composed, residing. She, with hesitation, gave this one man a chance for she saw nothing but goodness inside the depths of his blue eyes. And so she did and regretted nothing and feared no longer of what the future had in store for she learned she had more control than any of the Gods combined to mark her own destiny one step at a time.

Some women are lost in the fire
circling the flames without a care

But I want to be built from the fire
feeling the flames abrupt from my chest

And I need to have the passion of
the roaring waves of rouges and orange

And I can't live another day without the heat
from the love I have for the life I lead.

Don't **** with the ones
whose dreams are so high
that skyscrapers can't meet the tops
of the possibilities that float in the sky
or the hopes that lay at their feet
so easy to grasp that
all they need is just a little push
and then a running start
and the courage to set sail
on a path into the unknown.

Oh no, you came back to haunt me
you're in the cracks in my soul
you've scratched through the walls I built
to keep you out, to keep you out
Oh, I wish I could've kept you out.

Tonight I dread trying to
write my thoughts on paper
but I feel like I have no other
choice but to try.

I want to try to express
the pain I feel when
I see the world.
It hurts me to see
others hurt more than me.

I see the world
full of others feeling
and breathing and
suffering from losses
too soon to grieve.

I wish I could imagine
such a world where suffering
wasn't the basis of life
and where we must suffer
to understand the love behind all feelings.

I watch as the white lights shine on
down that freeway, flying by exit signs
with no sense of direction
except on the way to you
and a smile that could light up a room
and eyes as endless as the sea
and with arms stretched wide
just waiting, waiting for me.

Let me taste your lips
and the softness of your skin
as day turns to night.