As we sit down to our dinners,
as we open our romance books,
people die.

We sip our water;
their guts spill open.
We study our notes;
their planes crash.

We live;
they die.
We breathe;
they suffocate.

We are testaments to chance,
to luck, to possibility.

We are not products of God.

We are blind goats trotting on our path
before we perish, suddenly,
and vanish into death.

Amidst the smoke and light and laughter
Along the smiles and cheers thereafter

A sound is bled, wrung free from strings
It bounds and treads and wholly sings
Inside each song, a secret’s moved
Not right nor wrong or frequent proved
The message dances from bow to ear;
A coded trance of love and fear
From left to right the story rings
Of death and light the Cello brings
The covert tale engulfs the room
It vibrates truth to those who loom
The Cello knows for why it’s played
Its secret lost, both gone and stayed

In the smoke and light and laughter
Music lies and cries thereafter

I.

The Good Death
    I hear thunder burn and crack against the window panes again tonight,
frightneed by the shapes on my wall
I press my body closer to you -

where are the veins? thumping, still
eternally (as always)

But blood - little sacrifice to a man never afraid,

always naked
always burning
always longing to be a wall and never surrender.

You wear my clothes
   mirror my eyes with silk.

II.

A flash of blonde hair in the darkening hours as the crack
of thunder breaks    against the glass
       “Metaphysical.”

Gabriel  ?
  Something thicker, more permanent.
I see only the shape of your nose cast shadows
against the wall
to swallow the devils fingers
with a smile.

Blonde hair in the sand,
in my sink
broken up by ****** teeth
   and cracked porcelain.

Shaving cream drying on the taps.

III.

The almost platonic revelation that all exists as one
breaks from your lips like water,  

The smell of bleach perforates the boundary between my bathroom and God.

My scalp burns, swelters.

   I realise them as my lips,
for you are simply the shadow
made manifest by forest wire and broken glass

walking barefoot and naked through hell -
I create you.

Come, tell me of how to accompany paradox that
builds us from the ground up

the one and the many
burning bridges in sunlight
to guide us.

Breaking bones in the silence to free us

"are you okay?"
yeah.
"are you sure?"
yes.
"are you telling the truth?"
oh trust me, im lying.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

(read forward, then backward, line by line)

I ran.
Not knowing what else to do
There was so much blood on my hands
It was mine
The kitchen knife
Caught in my chest
Guilt
Consumed by
Fear
I was heightened by
Adrenaline
But running on
Wasn’t enough
While trying to stay calm,
Losing control
It was me that would end up
Dead. Because
He was
In front of me
The whole time
It was too late
Trapped
I found myself
Locked in chains
My fate was
Death.

You once prayed for God to guide our conversation;
little did I know that He provides our relation-
ship. It makes it easier to slip,
knowing that your arms are wide open,
welcoming my fall.
This is second nature, so beautiful,
so simple that it makes me cry.
I see love in how your eyes hide in mine;
I see hope in the comfort you provide.
You are blue fire, the hottest possible flame,
strong enough to make my deepest iron
malleable, red hot mantle.
You’ve grown so close;
you are so much of me.
You have paths of me that I’ve never traversed
wide open.
The perfect harmony scale to my melody,
your song is what I want “we” to be-
come. Just one. Unison, the sum,
of blessed differences, chance circumstances,
bravery, and
that feeling…
That feeling when your lips caress mine,
our hearts’ percussion lines combine,
when our hands, legs, and our minds intertwine.
You didn’t even have to offer your body
for a piece of you to be mine.
Time could never weather the hold you have on me,
nor could the world buffer the chords you strike in me,
creating euphonic accord my heart has never heard,
a melody of desire, of unity, of peace.