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 Sep 2021 Kole J McNeil
Lemon
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Time goes by
And I miss you

Just like me
The flowers grew
But soon they wilted
Just like you

You were sweet
This I knew
Like an addiction
I loved you

Now the roses are dead
The violets are too
The garden's all gone
And so are you

Your flowers died
I did too
Because all along
I was you
I wrote this a while ago when I had a crush on someone and it was literally crushing me. This is pretty metaphorical, but it also has a bit of literal meaning. It's a mixture of my feelings towards the person I liked and how I felt towards myself at the time.
 Jan 2021 Kole J McNeil
Samara
there have been
bad storms & blue weather
& i've been
battered, bruised
& treated like a feather
grown up listening to sad songs
never thought it would last this long

now i know
- - -
so long as i'm still here
this is all that i can feel
My anxiety is not me.

My anxiety is shaking hands.
My anxiety is imaginative.
My anxiety is sleepless nights.
My anxiety is never satisfied.

My anxiety sits on my shoulder.

My anxiety keeps me from making important phone calls.
My anxiety forces me to want to isolate myself.
My anxiety makes me cry over nothing.
My anxiety makes me cry over everything.
My anxiety tells me a C may as well be an F.
But my anxiety forces me to avoid important tasks I have to deal with. Everything scares me.

What am I so scared of?

My anxiety wakes me up vomiting.
My anxiety forces me to pull away from the people I so badly want to fall into.
My anxiety keeps me from living.

My anxiety makes me at least two to twenty minutes late everywhere because I don’t believe I am ever prepared,
so I have to retrace my every other step,
constantly checking and re checking.
Constantly doubting.

My anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through my mind.
My anxiety is a menace, a monster, a fish with teeth,
black yarn, lawn chairs sinking in the sand.

My anxiety rules me.
i wish i could take it's power
make it mean nothing to me
have it mean someone else
but it was me
its a reminder i am not
who i want to be
Heaviness
The weight on my chest
Excessive flesh
A distinctive sign
Separating me
From the other men in the room
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
SM
To all the lonely poets,
The amount of pain in your poems brings tears to my eyes,
You may be lonely,
You may be hurt,
You may be scarred,
You may not want to be alive,
But through the pain you feel, please let me patch your broken heart,
You think we've never met,
But I love you.
You think we've never met,
But you forget,
I've read your poetry,
I've read your soul.
And through the pain you feel, I think you're quite beautiful.
I love you so much, and if you don't believe me, believe that there is someone else who does. There is always someone who loves you.
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
Illya Oz
A life without gender.
Giving me my freedom that was taken.
End to my imprisonment by gender roles.
No I am not mistaken.
Don't ask me if I'm a girl or a boy.
Either is just not me.
Rather I am a person, a human being that is free.
I identify as agender meaning I don't have agender. I'm not a girl, I'm not a boy, I'm not anything inbetween, I'm just kinda... Me.
I hope that one day people of all different gender identities can be accepted and treated equally within society, because even after all the labels and categories we put ourselves in, we are all humans and no one deserves anymore or anyless them anyone else.
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
Remus
"Look at my beautiful girl."

This title is thrown at me
and I find it hard to
breathe.
You label me a girl,
I know you know no better
but it still wounds me
deeply.

"Look at* her, she's so pretty!"

You should know better
than to call me this
pronoun.
I asked kindly that you
use different pronouns
but you throw these
pronouns at me in
a taunting manner.

"You were born a girl so you are one."

I was born a human with
female genitalia.
I do not classify as a
girl or a boy.
I classify more as me,
as an
agender.

Please don't yell or shout
or tell me I'm wrong
because then you're saying
you know me better than
I know myself and
that may be true
but I don't believe
it is so.
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