Oh dear, I'm a little lost again
Which ways home?

I'm re writing and re reading all the pages I have ever seen,
It's like I'm addicted to this, addicted to the pain and emotions that people once had,
I long for this feeling, to leave me,
The suicidal tendencies that I'm bordering,
The stories that iv been obsessed with,
Iv bookmarked all the pages I'll read a thousand times
Until one day, I won't read them at all,
Until one day, everything I feared, lost, remembered and hoped for all disappeared,

I'm a photographer, and I can't picture you and I together.

If I were a stop light, I'd turn green everytime you passed by, just so I don't have to see you any longer.

I thought happiness started with an HAPPI. Why does mine start with NOT U?

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I run and hide.

Do you have a map? I need to figure out a way to get the hell away from you.

Do you live in a corn field, cause I'm just gonna harvest you and sell you to someone else.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got Violation written all over you.

You look cold. Good. Freeze to death.

Can I have directions? [To where?] To get the hell away from you.

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated enough to tolerate talking to you.

I was so disgusted by your face that I ran into that wall over there. But thank god I don't have insurance, so don't bother telling me your name and number.

Is there an airport nearby, cause I'm gotta get on the next flight to Antarctica and get the hell away from you.

You look so familiar… didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had physical education, where I was educated how to physically hurt you.

If you are a steak, I'd say you are too meaty.

Can I have a picture of you? So I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, they've started bleeding at the sight of you.

So what is recovery?
Is it that tingle in your cheeks
When the corners of your mouth meet
Upwards.
Is it that sparkle in your eyes
Because they're no longer suffocated by your cries and you now have the potential to realise
You are strong.
Is it that glimpse of light, that for so long had been out of sight, that you cling onto tight, through fear
It's only temporary.
Is it rediscovering yourself, rebuilding your health and developing a new wealth
Of coping mechanisms.
Is it realigning the chemical imbalances in your brain, so you no longer feel insane, so there's not less pain
But a mind that can handle it.
Is it the glimpse in the mirror where you don't turn in horror but you greet and honour the person that you are.
Is it the fear, that's consumed you year by year, that's brought the end so near,
That starts to evaporate.
Is it eating a meal, and not having to feel like
You need to punish yourself.
Is it hearing voices, but no longer allowing them to dictate your choices,
Because they don't own you anymore.
Is it putting down the bottle, because you're fed up of the throttle
It had you in.
Is it the feeling when you finally win
Back your own heart and mind
When finally you look inside
And don't find
Darkness but light,
When the night no longer scares you
And the days you can finally pull through
Or is it simply a phase
A gaze at what could never be
For there is no clarity,
No prospect to be free
In chains and nooses
And scars and bars.
In bodies that fight to survive
Trapped inside a mind that fights to take our lives.

Some of us; shall never be undone
We fight a war;
That could Never be won.