I'm in love so much in love
with my boyfriend.
His sky blue eyes, blond curls and too deep a voice makes my heart constrict in a way unimaginable.
When he sings, it's the voice of an angel.
I'm an oddball, I don't belong,
My head is filled with lyrics and dreams...
My fingers constantly draw paintings
only clear to me. And every time I strike a chord on my beloved mahogany piano, I lose myself to the sound.
My classmates avoid getting too close to me.
That's fine, I don't relate with them anyways.
Mother is a terrifying universe, so confident
reliable and unending. She builds me up and tears me down in the whim of her might.
I'm a strange bird she tells me - but in a gentle way. I think it's a good thing. She never compares me with my sister.
And I understand why. It would be unfair.
But she vows me as often as she can that I am responsible to take care of her when she
cannot.
I fly high with every stroke of my brush.
I dive low into the pits of despair when I look at the world.
So much to do...
But I believe...
I believe with my sixteen year old soul
That I will matter
Put a mark on the world
Become...

Sixteen year old me - I love you so much.

Thank you

Sunshine there is
but not always
I'll create my own
to light up my life in all ways.

The other day
I missed the laughter
We could have shared
Births we could have held
Joys and sadness of life
Happening without you
And yet always with you
For you live in us
You live with us
Your ever present absence
The words you said
Laughter roaring
From your joy
Tears running
From your sadness
All flowing back to us
Giving memory life
Bringing love alive
We miss you
Not for a moment think
That in your void
We forgot all the times
You gave us
To remember you by
To forget you not
To love others
To wait for the day
When in sprit
We will once again
In the silence of eternity
Share you
Without words

Today i felt like
Losing to myself
There was no external factor
But only my desolate character
My delirium saw no bound
To the extent that i block all the external sound.
I lost to the things
Which i consider to be my wings
Today i lost, not to pride
But to the clarity i hide
I surmise, i was on the right deck
But reality gave me a bright check
I felt so lost
Seems like all maxims have lost their cost
My grail lost its frame
And there was only shame
But true to its name
Love claimed its right
Leaving no reason for me to contrite