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kissing you was like swerving into oncoming traffic

i can never tell if i am more haunted by empty picture frames or the ashes of their contents

you taught me that the saying "pick your battles" meant not answering when love was at the door

sometimes when i drink whiskey i swear i can hear your voice in the creases of my bedsheets & i sleep on the floor

i still catch myself running my hands over things you touched the most, looking for the echoes of your fingertips

i practice things i'll never say to you

i remember the day you told me you didn't like poetry, how "everything's already been said" & how "nothing meaningful can be captured without being cliche" you know, i don't miss you like the sun and moon, i do not miss you like tide bent waves crashing on the shoreline, i miss you like a chernobyl  swingset misses children

rumor has it that drowning is a lot like coming home, that drinking bleach can **** the butterflies in your stomach

for your love of cigarettes, i would have been an ashtray

this halloween i want to dress up as the you when you loved yourself and show up on your doorstep

i never understood what you meant when you said i was an instrument, back when you would cup your hands around my chest and breathe through the holes in my heart, i still wonder if the sounds i made remind you of wind chimes

i never paid much attention to abandoned buildings until i became one

in my dreams all the flowers smell like your perfume

i am the only person who has ever wished for the same snowflake to fall twice

if i could go back, and rewrite the definition of audacity, it would be how when we lost the bet of love, you said "we never shook on it"

i love you, if the feeling is not mutual, please pretend this was a poem

the only apology i want from you, is to have you repeat the names of children we will never have in your parents living room until they *****

we are the same person if you find yourself up at 4am dry heaving promises, or if you are kept awake by the laughter of those who've abandoned you

nobody ever told you that goodbyes taste like the back of stamps

sometimes i'm convinced that the only reason we hug, is so you can check my back for exit wounds
you want us to live in fear and we sure do
Parents scared to let their daughters go
worried they won’t come back or when they do they will be broken shells of who they were before
We travel in packs because we are scared that we will be cornered alone and unable to fight back
phones becoming extensions of ourselves because they might give us a fighting chance
Making excuses for those who do us wrong
and blaming us for what we wish we could change
We don’t like feeling weak
we don’t want to be at your mercy
We don’t have a choice
Till you give us a voice
 May 2014 Claire Waters
Esther
We've got highways of heartache beneath our skin
Because our heart is always everywhere all at once
And the steady beat is not culture bound
Unless you relate it to the way it jumps in all of us
To match the music that pumps through our arteries
At any given place or time.
And I will inject only love and confidence into my bloodstream
To defeat the fear that has threatened to halt my living,
And to travel along the endless stretches of roads within my body
Solely in search of the Self but also accepting
All the revelations that flow in steady waves around it.
The fingerprints that have dirtied the exterior
Of the ***** that brings equal bouts of joy and pain
Will be left to mark their place in its past,
For the memories of cruel lovers can only serve as reminders;
Suffering is only temporary
And even though lost heartbeats cannot be regained
New ones can be cherished.
requires tons of revision but hey, at least I got something down.
A poem should be palpable and mute
As a globed fruit,

Dumb
As old medallions to the thumb,

Silent as the sleeve-worn stone
Of casement ledges where the moss has grown—

A poem should be wordless
As the flight of birds.

                

A poem should be motionless in time
As the moon climbs,

Leaving, as the moon releases
Twig by twig the night-entangled trees,

Leaving, as the moon behind the winter leaves,
Memory by memory the mind—

A poem should be motionless in time
As the moon climbs.

                  


A poem should be equal to:
Not true.

For all the history of grief
An empty doorway and a maple leaf.

For love
The leaning grasses and two lights above the sea—

A poem should not mean
But be.
 May 2014 Claire Waters
olympia
i dream about
that girl
that girl
who can wear that
dress
and smoke
after school

she can let her
hair down
even on the hot days
and let it fall
and dance
on the small of her back

she breaths in
the lethal fumes
that don't even touch her
her porcelain skin
too taut to let the
poisons in

she sits and lets
the sun melt on her face
as she lays on the freshly
cut grass
the boys staring
and her not caring

i sit and stare
at that girl
who sits and stares
right back at me
through the smoke
of my infinite
dreams
 May 2014 Claire Waters
Nameless
There's something growing inside of me,
I can feel the twists and change.
I tense up and try not ignore it,
But the feeling is just so strange.

I've turned my mind off for the day,
Music vibrates through my skull.
Don't ask me to function properly today,
My fight has turned a bit dull.

Never mind, I lied.
I can't feel anything, I'm stagnant.
Shattered and tattered and torn and destroyed,
You devoured every fragment.

A growl arises from my throat,
Voicing the pain I refuse to feel.
Clutching at the life growing inside of me,
Laughing because it's not real.

I can smile seven sadistic smiles,
One for each day of the week.
Place a mask upon my face,
To break I'd be deemed as weak.

White knuckles,
Clenched teeth.
Bile in my throat,
Reminds me I need to breathe.

Breathe.
Breathe you worthless being!
Put life into your lungs!
Smile your seven sadistic smiles,
In your hands their necks are wrung.
It's been months since then
and I can't stop thinking that it's my fault
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