I haven't been able to sleep lately because of you, and tonight like every night, I welcome my old friend Insomnia.

I tell Insomnia :

《 It has been months since the last time I talked to her, yet I keep seeing her everywhere I go.
My heart, my soul, my entire being long for her. But I can't allow myself to hurt her again.

Absolutely nothing in this world would make me happier than spending every second of the rest of my life by her side.
Watching her smile and hearing her voice. Falling asleep in her arms and waking up next to her each day.

She's my little sunshine, for real.

But for me, life is nothing but an endless circle of pain, and that is why I can't come back to her. I won't, not this time.

As much as I want to, and God I want to, I can't let myself ruin her again. My good intentions don't ease the emptiness I feel in my exhausted heart, and nothing could.

But the loneliness has become less unbearable since I've started living with it for her sake. I find solace in the thought that she won't ever have to go through my hell again. 》

And tonight like every night, Insomnia just sits there, watching me convince myself that I am indeed making the right choice. I wish Insomnia would go away, just for a moment. But Insomnia is just too good a friend, she never leaves...

Every day in the afternoon, she writes a letter to the man she loves.

The ink and her tears flow together as she describes how much he meant to her.

She always uses the past in her letters, for she is unsure how she feels now. Can she still love with her heart and soul both dead and torn to shreds? It's hard to tell.

So she writes. About her days, her thoughts. There's happiness, sadness, love and so much pain in her words. She writes down all those emotions that don't make sense to her anymore.

A part of her wants to scream how much she admires him, how deeply she loves him, how his soul touched hers and how she feels so empty now that he's gone.

But she can't. So she writes, again and again, endlessly.

Maybe someday, a few years away from now, she will give him those letters. Maybe someday, the tornado between them will disappear. And maybe someday, she will learn to understand the words hidden in his silence.

Do you remember how big you used to smile whenever we would meet? You could melt icebergs with the warmness in your eyes.
Now, it feels like you don't even see me anymore…

Do you remember all the jokes you used to tell? They were lame most of the time, but you would laugh so hard you couldn't breathe anymore because you thought they were so funny.
Now, how I miss those stupid jokes…

Do you remember how we could talk for hours, never getting tired of each other? You used to confide in me, about anything and everything.
Now, my worst nightmare has come true because we don't talk anymore.

Do you remember how you used to pull my hair from behind and hold me so tight I could feel your heart beating?
Now, I only see you from afar…

Do you remember the little names you used to give me? I claimed to hate all of them, but we both knew I secretly fancied them.
Now, I can't even remember the sounf of your voice…

Do you remember how you used to send me random texts, every day? Some made me blush, some made me smile softly, and some had the power to make me laugh out loud.
Now, all I have left are the few screenshots I have kept. They don’t make me laugh or smile anymore. They make me cry because it hurts to recall how happy we were together…

Remember when we used to know each other?
Because now, we’re just strangers.

I don't know what I want or how to express it.

All I know is that you've been on my mind for so long, it's not sane anymore.

But even if I don't know what I want, I know what I definitely don't want : you leaving me.

The world is your kingdom and I've been living in it. It's the only home I've ever known and I wish I was your queen to share it with you.

But for the mean time I will keep being your clown, your fool for however long you'll let me.

I'm desperate, my own thoughts are scaring me. I'm tearing myself apart trying to feel anything other than my love for you.

Maybe I'm hurting because there's nothing else left in me to feel. And maybe, just maybe, I'm afraid that nothing, no one, not even you, could ever fill that emptiness...

I still think about you, you know. I haven't gone a day without thinking about you. It's easier during the week, because I have so many other things on my mind. But on Sundays... On Sundays, it hurts the most.

I remember the first time we met. I already knew at that moment that you would become someone special to me.

And I remember the first time you hurt me. I was devastated. I didn't know how to be strangers with you, someone I had shown my soul to.

I remember our "ignoring each other" game, that would've turned into a "never hearing from me anymore" if you hadn't apologized years later, despite your pride.

I remember the first time you told me you loved me. How did you manage to tell me everything I'd been dying to hear from you, and break my heart right after because you said that we could never be together?

I love you with from the bottom of my heart, but you're just too broken to accept it...

Your beautiful, but oh so damaged heart loves me, I know that. But you left, so I guess you just don't love me enough to stay.

And I hope you find someone who will make you want to stay. Want to have kids, and a dog, or two. Someone who will be able to replace the sadness you're feeling, and turn it into pure bliss.

Because that is how much I love you. Although the mere thought of you with someone else is driving me insane, I'd gladly welcome the pain if I know that you, my love, are happy.