I read something from a long time ago.
And it made me cry.
The thunder outside told me to shut up.
And then I realized it was raining.
But I stopped crying.
Because I'm not supposed to, cry, I mean.
And I grabbed a cigarette.
And my zippo that says lucky on it.
Made of '04.
I love that lighter.
I went outside and lit it.
But I didn't want my mom to come out.
And see how I was.
So I started walking in the rain.
I didn't want my cigarette to get hit by the rain.
So I stuck it underneath my shirt.
And then I walked.
And while I was walking, I tripped.
I accidentally burned my belly button.
How the **** did I manage that.

I'm so stupid

So I walked to the side of the house.
There is a little porch big enough for one.
I finished my cigarette with my eyes closed.
Just listening to the rain.
When it was done, I walked up to the steps.
And I sat down, still getting pelted with water.
I realized I couldn't keep sitting, I was shaking.
So I got up and started walking towards the back of the house.
I walked to the very back, towards the alleyway.
Making sure to drag my feet in the puddles, soaking my pajama pants.
I got to the back gate.
And I started crying again.

You are hopeless, this is hopeless, what are you even doing here?

The thunder told me to shut up again.

You are wasteless

I saw my old trampoline and started jumping on it.
When I was little, I used to sing to the rain.
I would sing good songs, to try and soothe it.
Never sing 'rain rain go away'.
That's makes the rain upset.
And the thunder says to stop.
So I jumped.
And I sang a little bit.
Then I laid down and closed my eyes.
Just got completely soaked, y'know.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

Just felt the pitter patter of rain drops on me.
Tried to bury my zippo in my clothes so it wouldn't get wet.
Then I got up, cried a little more.
And I walked back.
I walked back towards the front of the house slowly.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

Dragging my feet in puddles.

I miss you Grant, I hate you Sam, and I love you..Well, you know who you are.

Just getting completely soaked.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

And I went inside, smiled at my mom.
Went downstairs.
And changed my clothes.
Began getting ready for work.


You are going to be okay, everything is okay.





*You are not okay, everything is not going to be okay.

The warm moisture dripping from my hand
Sweat forming from the intense heat
The California air warming the animal flesh
Searing my skin

The burning of both the heat and the energy spent
On wasteless efforts

I don't do ******* ****** m cat or blue smarties
I don't watch X Factor  East enders reality dinner dates or pointless speeches from any pointless political parties
You might think I'm boring
But I'd rather watch a dead snail snoring then suffer with wasteless wannabes' in the jungle, in a house, or in my local ice rink
Building houses , building hopes, and living a day with some sorrowful person with a ******* for all that is pink
Take your Versace your Burberry and stick it where the fake tan don't reach
Do I really need to watch some abstract earthy programme about the newly discovered south America parasitic leech
I don't dye my hair, put on male mascara, carry a man bag or listen to downloads on ridiculous sized headphones
Who won the cup , who slept with who and what royal has now been abducted by aliens who might be the enemy living at number 43
I am saddened and sickened, forced into a life of subjugation, reality tv has gripped our nation, if its not cooking and baking, marriages and undertaking, babies crying, benefit cheats lying, footballers wives, footballers cars, their haircuts and late night shenanigans in expensive bars
A world without a box and images that flash, a world without this disease and it's nasty rash,

I have many hopes and I have many dreams
What I don’t have a lot of, is time, or so it seems
Every day, I try so hard to complete my goals
To achieve my long term dreams
But it’s time, that I fail to gain, or so it seems
There are things I want to complete in life
Before I am gone, before I have gone away
I tackle my dreams day by day
But I feel like I am getting nowhere
Will it happen today? Will it happen tomorrow?
Will it happen anytime, anywhere?
All my hopes, all my dreams
Are they slipping? Are they growing?
Am I going to succeed? Or am I already failing?
I have many hopes and I have many dreams
What I don’t have a lot of, is time, or so it seems…
When will I get the chance to be someone?
When will I get the chance to be something?
Are my hopes and dreams worth nothing?
Or am I hoping too much? Am I dreaming too much?
Is there even anything that can be known as such?
I have many hopes and I have many dreams
What I don’t have a lot of, is time, or so it seems…
So it seems.. Time is of virtue, so I shall begin soon..
Before it becomes another wasteless memory
Before it becomes another lost dream
Another lost hope, before it becomes anything less important
My hopes and my dreams, are what I thrive for
Are what I live for, I’ll give all my devotion
If I can just get my foot through that first door..
I’ll gain time, I’ll gain hope, I’ll gain more dreams
But right now, time is what I don’t have a lot of, or so it seems.


Stephanie Davis
10/23/20

She was
A loveless lover
A heartless heartbreak
A soulless soulmate
A lossless loss
A dreamless dreamer
A wasteless waster
A hopeless hoper

Trapped in my own dungeon of despair.
My insides have ruptured and my thoughts have exploded.
Looking into a morbid tunnel that leads to deception, pain, lies, betrayal, disloyalty, and distrust.
I bleed profusely ripped open with nothing left but agony rippling through my nerves like my limbs have been removed and hung on the dry lands to be eaten by the rotten humans.

I try to protect what I have, dear to me.
My heart, my soul, my peace.
But those around me only want to take it away.
Like vultures looking for the last drop of something they don't have.
In my deep privacy, they lurk with widened eyes and ***** mouths waiting for the next bomb to explode into fire🔥

Stomach is growling, my voice deepened.
I plunge into rage.
Impulse on ten, not a drop of remorse.
Wasteless creatures that taunt my rippling despair.
Leave, I don't want to ****