I keep strawberry plants in my garden
for they give good yield with little toil
and the sweetness of self produce is greater
than something bought

I keep strawberry plants in my garden
and one in particular seems promising
it's not big in size, but it has many flowers
the promise of summer fruit

I keep strawberry plants in my garden
I watch over them from my window
and I dream of what they'll bring
especially that unseeming one in the corner

I keep strawberry plants in my garden
I water them in the absence of rain
and I **** out grass and other alien plants
so they may grow unhindered

I keep strawberry plants in my garden
and they are starting to show signs of fruit
but one of them is dying
suddenly, it just turned brown

I had a strawberry plant
it was my favourite
it bore such promises
it died and I care not for the rest

the universe has hits and misses,
and i guess i'm just a miss.

but if you zoom in on the quantum foam
you'll see the bits of bliss.

need i remind you what this is?

it's stupid, isn't it?

I walk this empty halls with great stride.
The remnants of the fallen is excruciating.
My hands tremble with the fate that I have.

Endless battles from nameless enemies,
Wars and combat with unseeming cause.
Fight me, oh fight me and then hang me.

How long will this triumph fade?
For the sky is crying.
One eye of mine can see tomorrow,
But other eye is still lost on yesterday.
I have to end it all no regrets.

Tell me what sorrow feels like
When will the hurt be over?
How much will I tolerate?
This wounds I am left with, I am scarred and dented.

Fear me and call me lonesome for combat.

Not an easy thing
I am shriveled and weak
So see through my eyes
I am small and meek

Look into my head
A constant chatter
A thousand thoughts
Echo that I don't matter

I'm grasping at straws
And wishing on stars
That I could see any value
Underneath my scars

Do you think I don't beg
At night as I scream
Desperate for relief
Desperate to dream

So far I am worthless
No inherent use
My entire existence
Is unhinged and loose

So throw me away
Lend me some meaning
So that when I am gone
It won't be so unseeming

Let me do what I can
Vicarious meaning or not
So perhaps I'll wake up
Instead of laying to rot

Deep within her woeful eyes,
  A calmness remains.
The absolute soothsayer of lies
Where a cryptic phantasm resides—
  All imprinted upon these cold chains.

Her circadian rhythm sings of resonance—
  Decay drowning every mile.
Time is an immeasurable distance,
Void of every cosmic existence.
  Yet, still there lives an ill-imposed smile.

Doom weds Immaculation
  On the blackest shank of evening.
Sweet memories collapse with imagination—
Seen as over indulgent frustration.
  And all that seems is unseeming.

Shadows of infinite guilt
  Plague the weary quintessence.
Doubt whispers of pains rebuilt
When tepid blood was spilt
  Upon the very death of acquiescence.

Thus she speaks of mourning mists,
  And redemption exhales one final breath.
Turning away from all that exists,
Knowing that silence persists
  That life is life; death is death.

Shattered, like a mirror, in so many pieces.
The reality crashing in, like a wave of unseeming destruction.
I take a step, but instead of forward, I feel myself lean back.
Words choke in my throat and grab my tongue, invoking silence.
The cage around my heart tightens and doesn't let go.
But instead, squeezes tighter with each word from your mouth.
I hear them, but they leak out in jumbled phrases, and I try to comprehend.
My anxiety flees and all that is left is the fury of hellfire.
Bright, red, flames.
How did you do this? Why did you do this?
Those three precious words you tell me seem more like daggers
Slicing my hands, my heart, my eyes.
So precious and sweet, turned painful and cold.
Icy, with no feeling.
I want to comfort you, take hold of your face and hug out the ache,
Wanting to tell you it will be ok, and I will be there, but, I can't.
The knives are too dug too deep, and your touch feels, slimy.
Fire and ice, comfort and disgust, sacrifice and pride.
I can't work away how I feel or what I feel.
I just hurt. Everywhere. And there is no cure to soothe it.

Written and translated by: Yue Xing **** Yitkbel

Originally in Chinese as lyrics on:

August 19, 2020

Translated into English on:

August 22, 2020


I


The wise man in the desert

Watches over the child

In the fields of gold.

The child in the fields of gold

Gazes at the zealous youth

At the foot of the mountain,

Climbing, climbing, climbing.

Wanting to bask untamed

Right beneath the fiery sun,

Wanting to tame the quiet moon

Crush it beneath his feet.

The feat of man.

The support and brace

Of morality and faith

To them are shackles

That must be freed.


II


As they roared:

Be reborn, nature!

Nature of man!

As they bellowed:

Go rebel, desires!

Desires of the self!

“Doesn’t the world cease to exist

Without the observer who is ‘I’”?

“I close my eyes and all living

To me met their timely demise”.


REFRAIN:


The wise man said nothing,

And the child wondered:

You who perceive yourselves

Collectively no less than Zeus,

Why gift yourselves the fate

Of Sisyphus?

Don’t you know that even time

Must melt away?

And yet there you are worshiping,

Keeping in dust as your

Salvation and eternal faith.

The rolling stone you’ll never eternally own.


III


Like ants upon an anthill,

At the crossroad of humanity,

Under the gas lamps still,

Quenched the humble fire with vanity,

Enlightened by tungsten’s burst,

Inaugurated Man “King of the Universe”.


REFRAIN:


The philosopher hovered away.

The poet sighed but stayed.

You all perceive yourselves

Collectively no less than Zeus,

Yet gave yourselves the punishment

Of Sisyphus!

Don’t you know that even time

Must melt away?

And yet there you are worshiping,

Keeping in dust as your

Salvation and eternal faith.

The rolling stone you don’t eternally own.


IV


Time grew, aged and will soon melt away!

The world leap or falter illusions must fade.

As the rolling snow boulder melts away,

Did you lose or gain in the spring days?


-Those who climbed the snowy peaks

Are now losing losing all in the decay;

Those who sown in the eternal pasture

Are now reaping reaping joyfully away.-


REFRAIN:


The kings wail and weep,

The believers rejoice in the days.

With great irony the Zeus of today,

Confined themselves to Sisyphus’ fate.

They don’t believe that even time

Must melt away,

So they worship and praise,

Keep in dust as all the

Salvation and faith,

The rolling stone they want to eternally own.


V


What hope we used to keep!

Humbly cradled in the eternal dream!

Yet we were lured to think ourselves wise;

A cluster of ants fighting to be lords of flies.

Perceiving dust as above unseeable souls,

Willingly, our rotting stones up a steep hill roll.

Boasting our strength, status, height of place,

While mocking modesty’s unseeming grace.

Unaware of the coming crushing weight,

As the uphill stone tumbles back to base.


Ever evading us,

Ever escaping us,

Ever the ennui


Of “Man: Controller of the Universe”

Ever confined to mere dust and earth.

Self-imposed exile, had the wayward son forgot,

The once great purpose? Now all for naught?


“Meaningless! Meaningless!”

“We are headed to nowhere!”

When the stranger to strange tides,

Kills, hides, and pretends to be the guide.


REFRAIN:


Matter ever shifts,

The soul never ceases.

With great irony the Zeus of Man’s beginning,

Brought themselves to Sisyphus’ end.

They don’t believe that even time

Must melt away,

So they worship and praise,

Keep in dust as all the

Salvation and faith,

The rolling stone they think they eternally own.


VI


Sweeping beneath the fog

Of the overturning dusk,

Endless, ceaseless dust

Engulfed the roller till naught.

Only the dreamer in the fields

To the invisible eternal yields.


Bewildered by the shadows,

Darkness of humanity’s days,

Only those who never forgot the hidden light

Can find the gate above without fear or fright.


Everlasting in the decay.

Peaceful in the destruction.

Must not be bound,

Must not be bound,

Must not be bound,

By a boulder of dust,

By a mountain of mud.

The invisible never caused me alarm.

So they have mounts of gold without end.

So they keep the sands of time within hands.

So they must ever dread and fear as it slips away,

Dust to dust without a trace.


VII


But we, we melt away the mockery with faith,

And lead the way with bolts of love and grace,

Back home to Eternity’s Gate!

One day, unseeming,
The babbling brook
Stopped speaking--
She ducked her little head
And sunk beneath
The rocky pebbles,
Hoping to listen
And find out what the trees
Had been saying--
Now that she wasn’t
Intercepting them.
But, in doing so
The pacemaker of her stream
Died out and stopped beating.

how you ruined me
my reflection in the mirror
my temptations to steer clear
fading gradually, sinking slowly
burn and bleed from these bruises
talking about the little things
what matters who cares why bother
collapsing false reality
won't you descend down from the heavens
and come save me?
suffocating embrace, these fleeting moments
i grasp at the threads
subtle expectations, drift by idly
in my eyes, the world glossed over
seconds tick by, aeons blink pass
i find myself, waiting alone
always still, nothing lasts
black coffee, and my glass is full
of unspoken tears, final regrets
life is deprived of its meaning
memories are gone, distant and unseeming
the way you died at that creek
this numb and empty bitterness
surrounded by cold, harsh plateaus
my hometown
the motherland
i miss you
raising the flag high in the air
white in surrender
death hung heavy
this rope curled around my neck
tightens, it scurries
this blade pressed against my skin
ripens, it blurries
the edge of the ceiling
the dangling fan, in the corner of my passage
heightens, i must hurry
shadows hidden from sight
darkness, no longer my light
making things right
something, someone
was what i meant to be
born out of a blossom
wilting, dying in a costume
rebirth in a coffin
rest easy, rest dearly
my eyes close for the final time, thinking
this wasn't meant for anybody
my mind buries in, my voice cracks
theres nothing left to say.
nothing you can do
i cant fix this
im beyond help
im beyond repair
consume me as you see fit
decipher my words as you find suitable
cry for help
desperation, useless words
give up, something i must do
does this even make sense
i dont think it does
i just wanted to be loved
i just wanted you to love me
i just wanted to be happy
yet i achieved nothing
im pretending to be something greater
im pretending to be something better
but im nothing, this is all a facade
my words dont make sense
logic remains missing, no longer a constant
and its all my fault
somehow, everything is
im doomed
impose your thoughts, your preconceived notions
i am an object, an idea
never a person, never your one
discard any hopes of understanding
blame no one but yourself
for what happened
for what ive done, what im planning to do
its already over
never enough time
i always wish for more
there is no saving a sinking ship
just jump abroad, swim far, far away
the wreckage cannot be salvaged
the mistakes cannot be mended
leave me to drown now
please?
im sorry for making you see this
this awful, terrible side of me
but to those who have, to those who once cared
thank you for reading
goodbye.