It's been 26 years and I'm finally letting out these held back tears
Of confessing to my family and friends of all my hidden fears
Another beer..a lack of drive cause I'm too drunk to ******* steer...the end feels near but I wanna be better than what ya see...who I appear
100 friends yet, they never call and call only when it's a need
I ******* bleed to please all of what ya need! But is it me? Of course it's me... I'm a monster who can't control his emotions that's why my 5 yr love decided to flea. Do I care? Will they always be there? Why do I repeat this *******...is life truly fair?
Fake success...maybe dress to impress...care a lil less and show your ignorant heart with your hollow chest! You can't impress people who already saw you at your best.
You're a poet, hell of a writer with the ambition to change the world! Yet your dark heart has made it impossible for you to remain with any girl...your mind twirls...your soul spins...gain a loss, forget a win...maybe it's time for you to finally look at yourself from within. Where have you been? Have you ever been honest? You can't escape this quick sand! TELL EM YOUR TRUTH! "Hi, my name is Bland" TELL EM YOUR WEAKNESS! I look in the mirror and it's ME i can't stand! "TELL EM MORE! AND DONT LIE!"...I tried and and continue deny. I'm a selfish individual who can't see things for what's right, so I pray selfishly to have "God" listen only to make everyone I ever spoken to a victim of my mission to do whatever the **** I want without permission...(I can't do this anymore!) FINISH! Okay! I'm not okay...I draw picture in my head, of a bed...of dirt and roses that say my name where I lay cause I have more issues than CNN and never know when the right time is to vent, cause I'm a self centered person who could honestly careless...and if it was your life I would probably Payless for me to no longer feel stress and sell you for me to come out best and invest in money power and false respect...I'd sell your soul for myself...I need help ******, .IM SORRY! Please make me stop... NO! YOU HAVE A LIL MORE TO SAY...okay! One day I woke up and told myself I may have nothing left to say and I can't stand the way how most people speak to me and the stupid **** they say so I pretend to listen and care but really I stare and am no longer there and I treat people like **** and use anger as a protectant so that no one can get close...my temper...please they won't dare...but I'm a little boy inside who is terrified and sacred and have no idea how to sleep peacefully because I'm addicted to the nightmares and I sit next to family in an attempt to fit in meanwhile look at my ******* skin...bottom line is, I'm nothing like these people from texture to within...I love to sin and I haven't meditated more than 15 minutes...I just say this **** so ya leave me alone and pretend to think I'm a good person and did it. Now I'm alone and possible insane! TELL EM BLAND! Idk what's wrong with my brain...I can't escape my mental cage...I feed off the world's rage and hate people who change. But I will change! Give me a chance, devil! Let me try to grow? You know what's best for me or you're a master of this manipulation? How do you know? Just let me feel something and be better than what itvm is...my past...let me seek the potential of being better than my dad. I'm not afraid! STF... NO! I'm not done talking, walking and following what it is I'm finally becoming! No longer running! As the alarm goes off and tells me to wake up and make up for my past and grow and feel the sun to warm my "cold heart" and see life for all its beauty, love in the air...seeing how a good thing last. I'm not afraid of your spew and all you do! And you trying to take your pitch fork and stick me of all the evil that resides in you! And yet, I will be something more of what I never knew id ever be! WHO THE ******* THINK YOU TALKING T... nobody, for once I'm talking to me Speaking to you as I continue and find what it is I can finally reach! Honesty, family, friends, love and myself...with everything else I always wanted to be! as I finally open my eyes and see...me.
I've kept a lot this a secret and had no idea it would finally come out for me to share...
No ones perfect...I just hope this doesn't change your perception of me...I truly changed...please...I need ya there.

Amarga necesidad de pensar, soy bipolar al estar y no estar; ¿qué es realidad? ¿Por qué dejar de soñar?
Estuve un día cerca de ti, y el frío invadió mis huesos hasta sentir que no era yo. ¿Donde estoy? ¿Por qué no siento mis piernas? ¿Por qué soñar es más fácil que mantenerme despierto? Siento una ligera brisa rozando mis labios, desgarrando mi espalda, y sonidos en mi alma me recuerdan que debo volver, regresar al inicio, ¿ser o no ser?.
Recordé, desperté y con mi pluma te maté.
Se
-Adn, stf

Aqua-marine tourmaline
Turning emerald green evening
Wrist slash ruby red splash feeling
Crystal clear diamond tears glisten bright glimmering.
Flowing from pressure below
Building
Swelling
Wells at the brink
Frigidity super imposed icy wind
Surely shatter
Tungsten carbide lined chest cavity
infrastructure
Freezing
Excruciating
Concentrating all the pain
Radiating from the throat
Swallowing sand covered brick
Abrading slowly
So slowly
At the apex of max capacity
Emotional collapse imminent
Listen ..............millions of
Champagne glasses
Tink ting tingling exhaling
Tears release
Falling like hail at first
Then into a crescendo
Loosing my grip ......I'm slippin
Broken I'm letting go ......
Break down I'm falling winds whistling I can see rock bottom
Phone rings ........ .  .......
It's my ***** .......
He say
..
Bro bro.......
Aint nothin but a thing!
But go ahead and cry if you have to...
It's cool ,ain't no shame .....
(Big baby)
Stf up.
(Whaaa?  
Just saying)
I'm just messin with ya .
My friend is here to console me
Its gonna be
Ayite.