When you feel forever
LOST
impossibly gone.

You won't be
FOUND
Its not that simple

Just look to the stars,
WISH
believe it will come true

To simply hope is
PROFOUND
silly to even think it.

If you run, you're a coward;
although to stay is to die.
You must find your own escape...
How easy, if only you could fly.
Running gets you nowhere
when you're locked in this maze.
Somethimes thoughts hit you hard;
knock you out for a minute, maybe days.
Determined, you keep looking...
assuming this soon will end.
Yet these prison bars just won't break,
they don't even bother to bend!

Just lie on your back
RELAX
forget all else.

Stare into the beyond, the
EMPTINESS,
the abyss.

Make your wish, make it
COUNT
don't blow it now, just think.

In order to get out, get away,
ESCAPE
you can't afford to faulter, to miss.

As the orchids grow, than I will see you again.
My beloved flowers.
Somethimes I get them from you, and somethimes
I get them for my birthday. You are away now, but
the time that the orchids grow you where back by me.
I will meet you and it looks like you never being away.
I always loved you. From the day that i have layed my
eyes on you, I whas in love with you. The flowers are
blooming now, the orchids grow. You where standing
before me and I whisper; you are back. Yes, I am you
said and you come to me and kssing my forehead.

Every time that I see orchids,
I think of you and me.
And what we meant for each other.
That delicate flower, the symbol of our precious love.
Every time that I see orchids, and their beautiful shape,
I must think on the wonderful times that we had together.
Yes, orchids are for us the flowers of love. For others are
it maybe roses, but not for us. And I'm so in love with
black orchids, they are my favourite ones. The orchid
a lovely elegant flower, when I see one, I think of us.
The orchid, that beautiful flower, symbol of our love,
I saw the orchids coming out of the ground, a sign that
you where coming back, and the first one that came out
where my favourite ones, they where black.

Lately I have been numb
I can never write when I am numb,
and the only logical reason I have for being able to write this is the fact that it's 12 am and im drunk
but I'm still somehow able to spell out my words without constantly messing up
I dont know, maybe its magic..
Or maybe I'm falling apart again
I can write my feelings, I can write emotions, I can spell out the colors of the rainnbow in such intricate detail that you would have to read it over 3 times before you understood what I was talking about
But I wont make you do that.
Some days, I feel as if I could write a story about the way your lips curve into a smile like I've never seen before
Some days I could wrap my legs around you and bury my face it the space where your neck and shoulders meet and just relax into you
Some days I think I could rip myself apart and lay the pieces over all of your puddles to keep your shoes from getting wet,
You see, I am in love with you,
desperatly in love with you
utterly, incredibly in love with oyu.
Im hiding behind bulletproof glass windows, like the ones they have in those cop shows
and I'm staring at the mirror while you stare at me and I'm wondering what the **** is going on
I hate the thought of everyone else standing on the outside and looking in while I fall apart
And the thing is, I have no reason to fall apart,
somethimes when im riding in the car, I look out of the window and I think about killing myself,
sometimes I just tell people that im sad and i dont know why and they call me selfish
but how can i be selfish if I cann't even find myself
I got lost somw=ehwere a long time ago and I thought that I could find myself in a church on a street in a house on upton
I thought I could find myself inside a monk named bhudda, I was told he had the secrets to peace and I wanted them so badly
I though I could find myself in a book, but that only gave me a story for a few days and when I finished I was back to square one again and that kinda **** can really ******* up mentally
I thought I could find myself in a blunt and a bottle but I realized that wasn't for me when I was throwing up in showers, toilets and sinks, while a stranger held my hair back and told me not to think and when I left the bathroom some randm **** asked me if I wanted another drink, before I know it im passed out on the floor and im missing some of my clothes and thats not a good life if there ever was such a thing..
I thought I could find myself in a paintbrush but art gives me more anxiety than ever because my hands won't stop shaking from the numbness
So tonight I'll try to find myself in the bottom of a cheap dollar store wine glass, I'll try to wrap myself around the constant drum of my fingers hitting the keys because nobody seems to believe in paper and pencil anymore and tonight I will love you like I've never loved anything in this entire ******* world before,
because I think that everyone I've ever tried to love before was a fluke,
and like that one song says, they're probably broken roads that lead to you,
I'm waiting for the day I get the courage to leave my mirror and walk out of that gray walled, bullteproof window interrogation room,
The day I can finally look into your eyes and tell you how glad I am to finally meet you and ask you where the *******'ve been.

Somethimes, I am afraid
that these voices
inside my head
will leave me in the end.

Because I am more afraid that
in that moment,
Loneliness will haunt me
all over again.

Love is an emotional bond that one person has towards another,grand i fill the love of a child torwads their elder love that is worth many words  that one cannot say from the heart somethimes but u cant see that its like im a foreiner to u i share ur blood in my vains but i dont matter in ur ayes i crie right in front of u to share my tear my pain my sorrow toward ur face but dat dont matter

the anger that consumes them causes their eyes to go white
blind
they lash out
at who?
they dont know.
you    me   everybody
themselves.
they cant hear anything but your words echoing thrpugh their heads
they yell so that you can hear them.
will you listen?
do they want you to listen?
somethimes all they want is to speak
to feel the power of their speech.

"the world is so wrong.
and you need to know why."

I shouldn't be frustrated.
I should not be mad.

But something inside me,
Tells me I am.

I've denied the feeling,
Whatever it is.

To try and be happy.
Shall I begin?

You met up with her,
You guys are just friends.

I trust your decisions,
To my very ends.

But something inside me,
Crawls to my head.

Starts complaining,
A small shallowly beg.

Get out I will say,
Every time!

But it tells me.
That you're not only mine?!

This creature comes,
Quite often I believe.

I goes by a name,
Jealousy.

But that's not the only name,
It goes by so many.

The green eyed like grass,
Somethimes even envy.

I despise it greatly,
If only I could see.

That this creature or....feeling,
Is a part...of me.

Sometimes i wonder
"Do i really love you?"

Somethimes i tell myself
"You do."

Sometimes i forget
The good time we've had
And other times i just forget it all.
Like I was hit with a bust of amnesia

Were they not good times?,
Was it my mind telling me..
He's just not the one?

Was it me forcing myself with you extracting the careful collection of the extrordinary enzyms to flow, eventhough the pores of them were stuck?

What am i doing?
Im doubting myself
Im doubting you.

Why cant i just learn to love you..
Maybe i do... idk
Maybe i just dont fit with you
Maybe the puzzle pieces of our past, present and future aren't matching up
Like a two differnt puzzle games
Is that all?


There isnt one happy thing I've written about you
But the first happy thing I've written isnt involving you.

I just want to be happy..
Maybe it isnt right now
Maybe its just not with you.

I'd like to be with you.
You are someone I can lean on.
Trusted you blindly.
Knowing that I can trust you.
You are my safe harbour.
Being with you felt like coming home,
safe in your arms. You have always a listening
ear, it don't matter what the problem is, you always
try to give me some advice. I'm so glad that I have
you, you're one in a million, baby. So much patience
that you have with me you never get angry, you are
always so sweet.

Somethimes you must go away for your work for a while,
and than I felted so alone, I can't wait for you to come back.
If you would leave I will feeling so incomplete and I will
having so much griefe than. But I know that you don't leave me.
You are just loving me too much, I can hear it on your kind words,
and I can feel it in your touch. We are a good couple, you and me.
Doing everything together, like going on the beach and walking
there, hand in hand, listening to the sound of the waves and the
birds.

Or going to the woods at autumn, especially when it has rained, the woods
will smell so intens than, with all the dead leaves on the ground.
Yes, it's with you who I wanted to be, you are my safe harbour.
I will never leave you. It feels so good to have your arms around me.
I love the way that you look at me. And I love your kisses. I hope that we being together for many years, that we are growing old together, our love is for now and forever.

I felt so bonded with you.
Two bright souls that we are.
It was written in the stars, that we
must be together. It has to be this way.
I love the tender way that you are touching me.
I love the way that you are looking to me, they
are speaking of so much love. I can see that you are
happy with me. I felted so save into your arms.
You are the one that i can lean on. You are my anchor.
Where I can hold on to. I know that you will never let
me down. We are soulmates, with so much love for the
each other in our hearts.

I don't know what I must do.
If I must live without you, I would felted so lost, than.
Our love is so authentic and so strong.
Like wild flowers in an open field.
They surviving any kind of weather.
Survive the heaviest storms.
And it's the same way with our relationship.
We have survived so many things, the two of us.
Somethimes we where bent, but never broken.

I hope that it always stay this way, that we are always
together, as strong as the wild flowers are.
With a love so pure and real.
Surviving every storm that comes in our lives,
we will only becoming stronger when we get out.
Yes, you will be my anchor, my anchor to hold on to.
And we are as strong as the wild flowers are, and we
always will be. We always stay together, you and me.

So many questions that I had in my head.
Things that I wanted to ask.
Now you are out of my life and I don't have the change
anymore. It's an unfinished chapter of my life, that's the
way it is. But life goes on, and I doing my best to make
something of it. But I have still an unsatisfied feeling
about all of this. But you can't turn back the time.
We where so good together, you and me.
The same way of thinking, the same sense of humor.
Two different souls with the same lightness in it.
And colors that fit with each other. Everything felted
so good. Almost to good to be true.

And suddenly you left. I've been searching for you
everywhere, had so many sleepness nights. I do
everything I could but you don't come back to me,
an somethimes I am wondering where you will be and
if you think of me from time to time. My heart was so
wounded when you leave and now the wound is almost
healed. But I still felt the pain when I think of you. You
take a part of me with  you.

Now I must start all over again.
Maybe I will find a new love. But there will always be fear
in the back of my mind that it goes wrong, and that I feel so
much pain again. That will always be the risk that you take.
I try to believe in real love, I refused to give up. At one day
I will be together with someone, and being lucky again.
That's where I hold on to. Than I will find my soulmate,
and we will have a deep bond together. Our love don't
will be temporary, it will be forever.