"resiliant" poems
I'm driving myself crazy...
the tape in my head
is not my friend
and has a vile...
wicked sense of humor.
It would be easier for me...
to wreath in the ugly truth
of this whole mess...
than to listen
to the evil little voice
spouting
worst case senerios.
I am stronger
than I wish to be...
more resiliant than
is even fair,
so trust that I can handle
whatever you dish out.
What I CAN"T handle...
is my self doubt and wondering
always judging ...critisizing
re-adjusting
without really knowing
....just in case
Geese....
I'm driving myself crazy
waiting for you to let me know
what it is
that I did wrong....
Sep 21, 2013
Sep 21, 2013 at 6:27 AM UTC
I struggle so deeply
to feel at home in my body,
all I feel when I look at my chest
is all of the men that used me like a doll
of my mom shaming me in my head
for my big *******
and how "provocative " I am
for just existing,
for society sexualizing me,
for all the women that hated me for my body/looks,and objectified me
and all the men that "loved" me /used me just for my body and sexualized me
with their eyes.
It hurts so deeply to feel so violated all the time
it echoes in my mind,body and soul
all the repeated violations words, looks and all the aching laughter,
the way everyone in my family
sexualized me since I was a child,
so intern I internalized all the hatred to my body and my chest.
I just wander if these people truly understand
how much their actions truly affect others,
how deeply I suffer with complex post trauma all the time
and dysphoria sometimes,
from the deep pain of ****** violence
when I truly look at it all,
its not even wanting to be a man
so much so , as wanting to be seen as a person.
who is worthy of being heard,
not because I am pretty ***** or curvy
or hot or ****
but because I am smart I am strong
I am impressive and resiliant
have a beautiful mind
and I am not just how I look
or how I present.
My whole life I was influenced and taught to believe
that my only value as a women
was my looks,
or to be chosen by a man or by my society,
and to exist as a baby making machine,
while not complaining or being "too much ".
That I shouldn't show my body too much , & that I should always look good 24/7,like I am a doll of some kind, instead of a human being.
How my body was the reason for men sinning
and how I would go to hell for my thoughts or behaviors
if I wasn't perfect.
Now I am realizing none of that truly matters,
and I don't wanna live the rest of my life
chasing validation,
or feeling like I need others approval to feel whole inside,
I wanna accept who I am
love who I am
and like myself for who I am,
and not just for my looks or for my body or sexuality,
but for who I am down to my core
the good and the seemingly bad imperfections
to feel safe in myself and that is beautiful to just be me
without needing to put on a show for anyone.
Jun 21, 2023
Jun 21, 2023 at 3:59 PM UTC
Where would they be without the legions of lost thoughts and shattered dreams.
Where be the glory in battles won ,with all witness except thee .
Where be the wisdom in a tree, without first planting its seeds .
where be love without hate.
Where be innocence lie in a guilty state.
Where be resiliant hearts when first served one torn appart.
there be light shed in ebbing dark from tunnels of life. There be scars in some parts but here be where wisdom starts.
(c) dlo 2011
Mar 2, 2011
Mar 2, 2011 at 12:40 PM UTC
Where would they be without the legions of lost thoughts and shattered dreams.
Where be the glory in battles won ,with all witness except thee .
Where be the wisdom in a tree, without first planting its seeds .
where be love without hate.
Where be innocence lie in a guilty state.
Where be resiliant hearts when first served one torn appart.
there be light shed in ebbing dark from tunnels of life. There be scars in some parts but here be where wisdom starts.
(c) dlo 2011
Mar 2, 2011
Mar 2, 2011 at 12:40 PM UTC
Science explains life as a series of reactions.
Some are inevitable.
Some are just chance.
Science is supposed to be a explanation,
But somehow,
Impossibly,
Mabye just because I am me,
Science has failed me.
That day in 7th grade was just a fleeting feeling
Or so I thought.
A crush is just that.
A confusing, scattered mix of feelings, that normally,
Science could explain.
Dialated pupals,
Normal.
Fluttering heart?
Normal.
Flushed cheeks?
Still normal.
This is what science explains.
Perfect sense.
But what about what it can't explain.
This little fleeting feeling can
Turn a normally sane person into a aparent lunatic .
Turn a single word into what seems like a thousand buzzing
Coded messages.
Turn a slight stumble into a worldwide tumble.
That quiet little feeling,
That you told to just go away,
Has apparently decided instead
To just keep growing.
To defy rationality
To blurr the line between just a flutter
And the unknown.
Even after a year of starving that feeling,
And you think, its finally gone
With a mixture of
disapointment and relief.
Just to find out that it was hibernating
And ready to make a comeback.
Why
Do these things
That just start as just a little feeling
Defy science
And turn into what could be described as
Resiliant, controlling,
Exiting,
Odd little feelings turned creature
That seem to have minds of their own
And a twisted sense of humor.
Things that some might Call
the begginings of love.
One of the few,
Or perhaps many,
Things that are truly
undefineable.
Apr 22, 2015
Apr 22, 2015 at 2:19 AM UTC
He knows real trouble.
That's why he doesn't fret when he can't sleep.
He laughs when knocked out are his two front teeth.
He goes to work the next day and to the bar every night that week.
He loses his girl of a year, he doesn't mind.
He falls for another girl, she won't have him: whatever.
When it starts to get cold he's gonna put on his sweater.
When the roof caves in, he's gonna find some place better.
When his hometown won't love him he's gonna pack and go West.
Never does he ever complain of the tests.
It's fatal to forget that the hard work is done.
It's no time for ******** when it's time to have fun.
And I never stopped you when you were rushing on your run.
If you want an example take a good look at the sun.
Does it cry when the clouds crowd up the whole sky?
No, it shines somewhere else and it doesn't even sigh.
In the desert it is cursed for doing its job.
Does it apologize?
No, it is brutally itself.
It ushers in our favorite seasons and graciously steps aside for the snow.
And what, do you curse the sun, watching it go?
He knows real trouble.
He sits under the heavens really thankful for each day.
You won't catch him grumbling that you smell like burnt oil.
He'll probably just put his **** in you and enjoy what he can.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 3:20 AM UTC
Tears cascade down my face once more,
They're never far -
Neither a friend nor foe,
I just wish I could hold myself,
Stand tall,
Push through it all,
Remain resiliant.
Nov 16, 2013
Nov 16, 2013 at 6:17 PM UTC
I sit in silence with my mother because how am I meant to say the roots of everything I despise about myself lie at her feet?
That I've learnt to refuse to let her make me feel shame and guilt for eating?
That to this day I look at my body and hear the echos of insults she hurled at eight year old me about the
fat on my hips,
their dips and dimples?
That my partners hands caress that same flesh
and she kisses away my hatred?
I sit in silence with my mother because she doesn't talk, she shouts
out of anger at the cage she's in.
And in her volume I hear the echos of everything she's been unable to achieve,
all her hopes and dreams cruches by pre-conceived ideas of femininity and society's prying eye?
Can never ask why she allowed herself to be chained, and silenced.
Why her present is only half the shadow of her past.
I sit in silence with my mother because how can I say everything I take pride in is what she hates most about me?
That my sexuality is not a choice, but I've chosen that label and I treasure it?
That femininity to me is hair where I can see it,
swearing when people can hear,
and unapoligetically taking up space others would rather I vacate?
That my rejection of faith isn't a reflection of her,
but rather proof she raised someone who learnt to challenge before they accept?
That I'm strong and resiliant
but still soft around the edge?
Apr 13, 2020
Apr 13, 2020 at 6:51 PM UTC
We've all faced trying times
our spirits have been shaken
faith has been overly tested
Taught to pick ourselves up
press on, we move forward
to the tune of our own choice
We poses
RESILIAN FLESH
the internal scares are present.
Dec 14, 2016
Dec 14, 2016 at 4:40 AM UTC