Please let me preface
I dont like people
crouds make me cringe
and while i value my friends
i highly value my solitude
------------------------------------------
I cant picture a face
when i close my eyes
when my mind trys to grant
that one final human wish
before slumber encompases my body
and reality and dreams interlace
For i have no soul to match with mine
nor a soul to follow
in deepest secret with the fleeting hope
that maybe our souls shall intertwine
But i wish not for two to meld
for hearts to pledge an undying vow
for lust and ****** greed
for billowing convorsations

But silence

An individual respect for ourselves
two beings gracious for company
bodies laid side by side
your fingers tracing circles
on blank canvasses of skin
Where there is but an understanding
that breath so silent can be pleasently shared
and electic touch soulfull
igniting warmth surrounding my heart
of which embers burn soft and hot

Where aching muscles
tense from harsh realities
are smoothed away with solid hands
a mutual relationship where the
solidarity in thought is aknowlegded
yet the pleaure derived from presense
a caring being holding steadfast
unwilling to let me go
gentle and kind
Where the silence of
spiritual understanding guides
the instictual need for
companionship

Barking along the seething sea
Tethys sparkling
Sans Pellagrino
Bubbled up with volcanic
Albido
And it exposed the cragged shores
Of a incessantly compiling
Or
Completely snuffed
Mountain
Bored and drilled by time
Sharper than a dying dimond
Cooked and left to rest
A Dinar plate
To which an all you can eat
Buffet
Played out pleasently
From antiquity
To present
A gift to an aging child
To be which pure joy can behold.

Today it is home of the Croats
The ancient Frontier of a meiotic Rome
And over small-grain time
Made coats
Of arms and animal manes
To give a name
To the nameless

To give a place
To the missed

That old Tethys barks like a fish
Beyond the Odoacerean boot, Scylla and Charybdis
Where the whales float
And great souls
Stolen deep within
wishing to find god
Fumbling in the dark
Searching for Alexandria
The flame of life
Become great stories to be told
And nothing more.

Odysseus
Hug the shore
Follow the land of the mysterious Croats
Do not venture beyond the threshold
Or you will be consumed by time
And lost to her Circedean jealous pines
Do not anger the constant love of
Helios

No,
These Croats have never croaked
They know not of amphibiotes
And the sharpened clades of life
Made and tailored bespoke
Sowed
In the fractals
Of the quiet word of
Eloah.

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Finally, that we may be all at once all at once, when the coil is unwound and exhausted and begins to cool
And the corneal fillaments glaze into placid glass marble lakes, reflecting the small spurn of the world they held

That our soul should be upwelled
To the lapping stones of Valhalla, to be arisen by great arms and carried to our tableplace
To jest eternally of the great disgrace...

And woe of our whales, lost long afar
And the men who hunted them incessant
Pleasently warmed and vibrating with the humming mumble of the upper yards,

Worn travellers return to tired halls.





And sing,

"Hei do Yey-- be come what may,
High winter hünde beheld at bay
And Yeh they feed in rare reprieve
On souls of such we will not say.

Hei do lum-- what will be done,
What valor hark thy martyrdom
Upon thine breaths and storied crests
Upon thy tomb, thy charter won

Hei do ill, ye sum thy will
To heed thy lands upon the hill
Down back from whence thy kingdom lent
The battle-horn, heard she so shrill"

And I confessed,

"HEI DO LAI, TO WHICH I CRY,
MY CITY SLEEPS BELOW THE SKIES
AND DOES NOT SEEK TO SEE MY FEET,
OR EVERMORE AFFIX MY EYES."

I want to let you all know how appreciated you all are.  Your kind comments and encouragment keep my pen flowing.
Poetry for me started as a way to fill free time while recovering from major back surgery 3 years ago.
It quickly turned into the healing balm itself.
I have been diagnosed with severe depression.  Post traumatic stress etc.
Poetry is my outlet for stress and anxiety.  Perhaps that explains my prolific sessions and then my dry spells.
I wish I had the inner fortitude to comment as I would like to all of your amazing poetry.
Perhaps in time, as the healing process continues, I will feel free to open up privately to each of you as I would like.
Each time I write a comment, it is with many second guessing and editing.  Wondering if I am hurting, judging or unententionally causing the author pain.  So know that the comments I give a genuine and heartfelt.  Not just a quick flip of the keys.
As I write this letter to you all, I am fighting the strong need to delete and shut down.  But I must push past the block.  This is a start.
Please know that I do read them all. They have made me feel close to my unseen friends and poetic  family.
Thank you for being here and offering me a glimpse into your hearts and souls.  I have been pleasently rewarded.

Paula Swanson

Its a troubled impossible to try not to be in love
Its comes in cups and kisses
Bites and dishes
Love that swims through your ears, under your skin
Love that dances on your toes, pausing on the crook of your neck
Love that wonders about you when it goes to bed at night
It doesn't have to be a crooked smile in a book shop
Or the soft glances of the girl in your math class
Its the fire wood stacked with snow playfully draped
Old sneakers with laces brilliantly dulled
Bitter sweet chocolate on a curled tongue
It slips around you
It has no name, or age or sexuality
No background story
Nothing other than the moment you've invented right then and there
Its the love around you in your wool socks and your broken spine book
Love that eases your mind
Love that turns the tides of your thighs
It has no trouble with commitment
It has no accusations rooted in insecurity
Its the love in the way your sweater pulls around you
The way the sun kisses your cheeks
The way the wind burns your ears in the most pleasently burning way
The way your breath moves from your lips in winter frost

A love story for the ages

serious swagger weighted gait
Heavy ***** hard left side sway
Gritty sleezy slicked back style
Contagious beautiful easy smile
Stone cold **** mega rockstar status
Smooth icy cool on stage backlit
Fortunate fellows follow his fate
Perfectly posed and pleasently fake
Every inch and word portrays a studious
Headliner of untold fame
Gold lined suited Taylored and primed
the spotlight gazes for him to find

Have you ever felt pain,
Of a serious sort?
You just sit there,
And think,
About how it all fell short.
You said you'd be there,
Through thick,
And thin.
But why would you do this?
You think id still let you in?
From the nasty things,
That you have shared.
From ruining my chances,
And you loving to compare.
But you underestimated me,
And in the end of it all,
You watched with pleasure,
As i continued to fall.
But i got up,
When someone else caught me.
You did what you do best,
And took all there glory.
And its not my fault,
It worked to my advantage,
That i have attention,
That im no longer damaged.
Then you looked my savior,
Dead in the eyes,
I looked too,
And was pleasently supprised.
Because your game,
Is minipulation,
And you will always be,
In some complecation.
You wanna fight me,
And lie too.
And when i cry,
Its for you.
Because seeing me happy,
Seeing me complete,
Makes you upset,
Makes you weak.
So you keep fighting,
But i will stand my ground.
Because someone once said,
"You will never be crowned,
If you always back down."

summer came pleasently to me, as I indulged in any and every thing without you.
i went out often,
reconnected with people,
rebelled,
enjoyed myself by poolsides and in bars,
smoked all day,
drank all summer,
kissed different boys,
met people,
laughed till i cried,
all the things that joy would be made up of,
but I also cried all night.
it's funny because no matter how hard I tried to ignore any emotions and face any kind of reality, i still broke down.
I tried everything I could to not think, but you somehow crept into my mind once again one late night, and I was forced to face my demons and deal with the fact that you are not mine, and you never will be.
I do not get these breakdowns anymore, I don't shed anymore tears, but I feel a hollow empty space in my heart of pieces that echoes louder every now and then, and I don't think even you can fix that anymore.
yet I think I'll miss you forever.