I wanted to give you something more than the pen stroke on paper, more than emotion, something more than the Soft breathe that expelled the words I love you.

So the labor in this mechanism called my brains goes into overdrive. Pumping out words like a chimney releasing smoke. Creating a way to show you my appreciation.

Left with empty lungs from all the times you took my breath away. Weak from the moments you kissed me. Stunned from your everlasting natural beauty. I fail to represent the true meaning of you in my life

Searching for something more. Trying to show you your worth. Knowing your worth more than you can believe. I sit here to realize. These words are misrepresentations of my emotions.

There is no alignment of grammar or sentences to explain what you deserve. stuck. Stuck a single equator away.

I'll show you one day. I'll be able to give you something more. More than you know. Until then, catch my breath with your beautiful butterfly net.

Keep it in a mason jar. Tighten down the lid and watch it as it breathes life.  Keep it for memories of what is and what's to come. This breathe is all I have.  So I give it to you.

Tell me we can have the world if we choose.
Build my hopes so far up to the point where I can't lose.
Illuminate all the possibilities of what we can do.
Make it seem that no matter what I still can't lose.

Lift me to the ******. Would it be a surprise?
How far up can we go?  How much further can we rise?
Did you ever speculate what would happen if you failed?
Instead, you just gave me a boost and watched me set sail.
Didn't even deliberate before you spoke to me of such words.
Knew it made me happy to have things to look towards.

Now, your misrepresentations are finally transparent.
It's no surprise you discourage me with more disappointment.
Painted all the things I despise with one single portrait.
Its like you  raised your hands, gave up and said your forfeit.
You must be too lazy to commit or your life is not worth it.

You have nothing left to lose, right?
Not compelling enough to put up a fight.
What if I was something you had to lose?
I should be the difference of how you anticipate to choose.
You could die today, never be able to see my face.
Never be able to touch my hand or watch how our fingers lace.
Never be able to smell the scent of my dark hair as we lay.
Never be able to hear my voice or all the words I could say.
Can end it all here, right now, leave behind this place.

So I'm reaching out and you can slip away.
Make it a nightmare turned into reality paved in stone.
Cause you are willing to leave me behind, all alone.
Let me stumble on my breakdown to where I collapse.
You say, "I have nothing left to lose," perhaps.
I fall once more and I crumple, hitting the floor I smash.
Your failure to launch led me to subside and crash.

Is that really where you want me when you choose?
You were wrong, I do have something to lose.
That something I have left is you.

Lofty aspirations
built on crumbling foundations
caused by faulty medications
filled with combinations
of complications
and expectations
from other generations
and fluctuations
of explanations
ignoring the implications
and frustrations
hallucinations and
interpretations
and the misrepresentations
of the ramifications
of your demonstrations


just to feel the sensations
the vibrations
of knowing you have no limitations
life is vacations
mixed with contemplations
of temptations
and on occasion
imagination

let's not discuss
the past, alright?
because there are
    are a few   f l a w s
with the whole
         ******* idea
of this stupid linear
       time
thing
anyway.

i don't like it.
but seeing as how
      i am currently unable
  to grasp time
       in any other way
(not for lack of trying)
i am stuck with this
     past, present, future
*******.

if you fall into the
t r a p
  of the beckoning past...
and you visualize yourself
           quite literally turning
   your head to look
behind you
                           eyes closed
   summoning memory...
you are about to
   encounter
all kinds of problems.

it is hard
when you
  desperately
try to hold onto
        a time of joy
     recall a person
                         no longer with you
a song
      a smell
fabric
      colors
sometimes these help
but...
good luck with that.

your memories
      are as good as
   your brain
                 - or your old photographs
digital images
       videos
   artifacts
            ...but guess what?
it's all in your head.

and your beautiful mind
      is likely playing
  all kinds of tricks
             on you
       making up complete lies
   presenting you with
           non-existent memories    
making mediocre times (at best)
           seem like "the good old days"
it will cast a false golden
      light over everything and
everyone that will cause you
           to           ...    get              ...stuck
        gazing fondly...tearfully...at the past
...everything glowing so nicely
(if only things could be that way again...)

snap out of it!
now you're a melancholy
    nostalgic
 emotional wreck in
this time, just spitting
         neurons all over the place
  thinking about that other time

if you've angrily slammed
   your brain into reverse
d e t e r m i n e d
      to figure out
what the **** just happened and why
best of luck to you
        where did the last 10 years of my life go?
   why did this person die?
             what went wrong?

go ahead and dig
   that **** up
and make sense of dirt.

because dirt makes
   just about as much sense
as anything else.

so there you are...
    frozen in this time
           in an emotional frenzy
   determined and trusting your
       brain to find the answers
  in the past
(because who better
       than you
    can know and remember?)
                              brain churning backwards
                 like an old tape reel
and what have you got?
   more truth
lies
   exaggerations
misrepresentations....
all in your mind
(let me take a moment here to stress a different word)
all in your mind.

all the real life people
    the three-dimensional objects
are moving  a r o u n d
         you and your crazy brain
in space and time
      (which is also moving)

what's the friggen point?!
i know, i know.
(i'm not saying this facetiously)
it's sad
    that the past is gone.
that actual living people
become past -
        that makes about as much
sense as dirt.

my point?
let's just not
    talk about the friggen past...
it's sad, it seems
   no matter
         how you
    look at it.

What am I to be when others define who I am?!
Foolish mortals! How dare they! Am I realize this "friendship" is a scam?!
Friendship is nothing more than a torch to be blown by winds of change!
It is utterly meaningless when fools enjoy me for my many rages!
What am I?! Am I to be cast to oblivion?! To depths deeper than hell?!
Let those who abuse me, let no mercy be done! Let God tell!
Allow the strikes of death and plague to be unleashed unto to them!
And ensure their coffins sealed, for they shall be devoured by Nephilim!
Make peace unto me, their misrepresentations decide who live or dies!
Make them pay, their bodies scorched by fire where their bodies lie!
Peace and justice will be made to me, because I shall possess the keys!
Make of them suffering and eternal torment, and destroy their families!
I shall be forever victorious and crush my enemies underneath my feet!
And their puny and insignificant presence, ha! They shall face defeat!
No longer will my "friends" use me once and dispose of me immediately!
I will be ruler of a world where my castle everyone be amazed will see!
The majesty of my wonderful rule! When I die, I shall leave a legacy!
"He is he who destroyed his foes and casted them to the guillotine."
"His past was days when people of his mocked with such keen."
"But he rose from his sorrow and by his sword his enemies fell."
"His blood of vengeance runs through the rivers to the dells."
This will be written that of my tombstone when the time is right.
And when my enemies rise again from the shadows, I shall put my light!
The light of my truth, my justice, and my ways to live right!
Their oppositions crushed thousandfold and my armies unstoppable!
Let my revenge from the past fuel the finale that is incomprehensible!
Meteorites from heaven of flame become redder by my enemies' blood!
Even if they rise the flag of surrender, I refuse! Make them shunned!
And so my kingdom is at peace, when war halts and revenge is done!
Let their be tranquility in my land at last, now let freedom run!
Allow the spirit of freedom to spread across my great land!
And where enemies fall, make my virtues and glory stand!
Where people of the millionfold descend to see and adore me!
And at last, make my revenge and cleanse it. It is now free.

puer
puera puerae
puella puellus
puelli
mani
cured and trimmed
too close almost
cuticle cut
blister sigh
blood blister
blood blossoming beneath
the nail bed
hit it right on
the nailhead
shaved legs,
and a neckbeard.

sledgehammer Sally
sips sweetly from silly
saddle-wearin' thoroughbred
unicorns

I am a fairy faun from
deep inside your frightful
wardrobe roaring lion lyin'
through the skin of my teeth

ice queen itch
I scream for
tag team *****
*** bag drag teen
ditch

pull queen grab
done deal dean
pull mean
and drag me in and
pull me out and
grab a hold and
leg it go and
let's flow and

I'm a ******* princess
gasping
and I'm Prince
Caspian
dead and
drowning between
blurred lines between

between the read the lines blurred

and I'm just trying to reach through

the seemingly subtle spaces
in between rows of words
between letters and faces
but every line and every
curve of the pen is an
iron bar and I'm just
trying to reach through
reach up through
all these symbols
pull myself out of
all these vague
misrepresentations
of understandings and
I accidentally cut myself
on the serrated edges of
the pixelated abstractions
and drip drip

Let's get some coffee.

for one in a series of misrepresentations
at last the army went home for dinner
after I threw a grenade
one given to me by the union
and my friends
one from a small cache
all I have against their hundreds
but it's the first thing to come over the wall
clink down into a safe a well
and do it's best to detonate and make alot of noise
and it reminded them there's something alive
on the other side

In Search of Truth
The path that I had chosen for the achievement of the eternal truth is giving me nothing now. It started asking me questions, tough to answer and tough to listen too.
I overlooked the mesmerized turns and went straight towards the eternal truth but it now seems like it is not the truth which I am looking for.  
I became pliable for those paths which served a lot of misrepresentations and I took them. They cause me to believe that I am close but I am getting further away.
We speak, we talk, we laugh in accordance with that they shall see us in the order but forgets the main reason's concern too.
I didn't have any idea that I shall find myself broken into the various footsteps of the way to accomplish rather I thought that I have my own way to attain the truth.
In search of myself first, I see nothing which has happened to be taken from entering into my own aspects but found it is portrayed by some others.
In the meantime, if there is a way to exit this path I shall pay for it to my extreme extents eradicating eloquent evincing enemies eternally; my own deceiving traits from my real face.
Horrendous hollows hanging horribly in this way, I can choose the other but then the truth shall also be redefined which is not the thing which I want.
So what's the thing going to happen? Let it happen? I don't want it to happen I want some other things to happen happily. But it will happen whether I do anything but yes I can make it happen for my own good sake and for my truth also.
Let the world come against me I shall fight fearlessly and cause a turbulence of revolution in the way and clear away all those fanatical footsteps and let the liberal moves of mine to fill the hollows and construe the way once again that, 'now it is the one which I expected and when all those questions shall become mere rumors of paradoxical ruins and of utmost pomposity. In that way which I believed and make the era believe shall be my way and that clears away all the barriers, In Search of Truth...'

Those deleted words that
didn't fit.
Ugly lines became
Ugly li_es.
Unfaithful
Misrepresentations
No better than
Knee **** I love you's
Said to prevent harm.
These lines
Should speak my name —
Painful, raw
Like cuts on skin.

Laugh- consequences of self-propagated misrepresentations
Slow growing desiccation – underappreciated aegis of interconnected
     systems
All infinities filled with infinities of their own
A great push to galvanize an unnecessary molder
autodecomposition

A commoner like them
despite any misgivings she gave them her allegiance
we are all in this together
This solidarity of angst ridden fools and thieves
your loyalty is demanded
Do contrary to what we order means you are a class traitor
of course she did as she was asked
I just hope she was aptly rewarded as the major pawn she was
her role however has now ended
But the fantasists and blockheads refuse to see or accept reality
Firmly fixated and deluded
Paranoid to the core they read meanings that are non-existent
ascribing deluded reasons to nonsensical illusions
Frothing at the brains in eye-rolling stage five terminal madness
raving sophistry in full un-abating bloom
No truth can shift them from the belief her part and role has ended
the message as clear as daylight
It was all an act done as ordered, now the actors have left the stage
so, what part of ' I'm done, I'm done, I'm done
do miscreants, thieves and the pitchfork vigilantes do not understand
Harry was right all along
you cannot deal with racists, fools and foul misrepresentations ever
they are gone, beyond reasoning
Megan an actress but also truly and honestly in love with her man
I do not have such a lady
Who sees a good honest sincere human first before titles and tiaras
and is strong enough to stand with her man
Only a prized fool want a commoner with no love or belief in him
a lady activist enmesh with the revolution of loonies
I am not and will not be that fool
bay, taunt, project, misinterpret, scratch imaginary scabs and re-visit as much as you wish, its what you live for
But once again, which part of ' I'm done' is so difficult to comprehend?