he was always told not to be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf;
the big bad wolf and his big bad claws and his big bad fangs and the wicked way his eyes would gleam r e d in the dark.
do not be afraid,
                           liebling, his mother would say,
brushing his hair from his forehead before kissing him goodnight.
he would curl under the covers,
                                                         ­ curl in,
                                                                ­        curl in,
                                                                ­                     curl –

oh, no.

do not be afraid of the big bad wolf, he tells himself,
staring at his mother’s coffin as it is lowered slowly into the ground.
(it was not an open casket. could not be an open casket. her lip was split and swelling and the bruise over her eye was too dark to cover and his father’s knuckles are still red and raw to the touch.)
do not be afraid of the Big Bad Wolf,
but when his father lays a meaty hand on his shoulder and squeezes,
                                                       ­                                                                 ­   he shivers.

“i am not afraid of the big bad wolf,” he says into the mirror,
staring at his own split and swelling lip.
he meets felix and loves felix and does not bring felix home with him –
until the day that he does.

“he’s not the big bad wolf anymore,” felix says when he tells him what he’s done.
his clothes are rank with smoke and burning flesh,
                                                          ­                                and he remembers his mother, and the closed casket at her funeral.
“i know,” he says, straightening his tie.
(this casket is closed, too.)

there is no such thing as the big bad wolf,
not now, not today, not when the time for fairy tales has long since passed.
now, his hands itch for a gun,
now, his fingers itch to pull the trigger,
now, he is restless and he is ****** and he is a criminal.
(who’s the big bad wolf now?)

“my father was a monster. and so are you. and so am i.”
his funeral will be a closed casket, too. he smiles.
                                                                ­                       kala weeps.
he sticks the gun in his back pocket and thinks of his mother.
do not be afraid,
                            liebling.
i am not, he wants to tell her. i am not. not anymore.

(but still he sleeps with the gun beneath his pillow still he dreams of retribution from hands dripping with blood still he wakes and forgets that he is safe still he breathes and is afraid, deep down, is afraid of the wolf he has become.)

author of these clumsy fictions-
dearly yours, on all fours
fighting attacking our young dreams
from corners tight, often alight
amour, oh traveling one,
fearful darling

-c.j.

As I allow you to look at me with those big, heartwarming eyes, I  know you know I'm melting.
I know that look you're giving me is only to get what you want, and oh, baby, it's working so well.
I only want, well, everything from you, but my spine is curving and I'll take something, anything.
But it appears you're just as flighty as I am, Liebling.
And even though your actions have spoken louder than your words, (on both sides of your confusing fence) I still remember what you told me, or rather how you said goodnight.
The look you gave me when I found out was more than likely misinterpreted on my part.
Wishful thinking.
But it appeared close to remorse, nearing nausea.
Which were echos of the pangs I felt.

"Sometimes you've got to fold before you're found out."

was magst du
in diese heilige zeit
Was magst du
in diese dunkle nacht

Mit verringertem atem
und geschlossenen augen
mit schallgedämmt Gebet
und vergeudete Stunden

in diesem dunkle stunden
mit tränen und liebes und leiden
Was macht du liebling
was macht du schatz
was Sie auf der Suche nach

Fanwisdom gedachting a hearth-billow in my Herz
Ich hab' gedacht it fairer still to know
Than amongst dein Welt it predisposes is perplexed aloof
Extraños kann nicht go where I must go

And von und an die spinniest of Hund
In peril and with Angsty tougher Hands
Will not crepuscular desecration sofort ensue
Für nichts ist wichtiger nur ein Liebling mood

Versucht wir probs and totes adorbs
But still zu schieße tired and hasst to sein
Während wir sollen in the proper sense
Man oh yeah das Man sagt en vino absorb'd

Was wicked waste and After it schmeckt schleck
Über ist nicht was es ich verpassen now
Most mehr mit Menchen kommt wieso I ask?
Wenn wo I know it is so very untoward to cow

Kuh oder a coo cannot redeem from drain
Zeit and Mal scent rempeln us all or push
Klar we cannot stop the starkest Zug
Nor yodel holler up the lane for ****

And just wenn denkst du, dass eyes is mad
Know that for Worten the harshest Lebens macht
To get you just to see and versehe sum
Unwertens none of us will ever be ich gedacht

Happy things are things you deserve
Not abusive friends
Not abusive parents
Not abusive partners
And you don’t deserve that, liebling.

Happy things are like drawing a nice thing
Like not stuttering while talking to the cashier
Like sightreading a piece by Paganini on the first try
Like finding out someone loves you back
And I’m happy for you, even if someone else isn’t! I love your work!

Happy things are like getting over a fear of planes
A fear of people
A fear of opening up
A fear of being out there
And I’m proud of you for getting over whatever it was! You improved, despite everything! Congratulations!

Happy things are like a Christmas present you always wanted
Or a birthday surprise you weren’t expecting
Or a popular poem you weren’t expecting to blow up
Or a good grade in a hard test! Good job, buddy! I’m proud of you!

Happy things are knowing people are out there that want to help you!
Happy things are having people around you that care!
Happy things are getting to choose what to do without fear of being judged
Happy things aren’t doing things for the sake of others

Improve for the sake of you, not because someone said so.
Maybe you don’t want to!
But if you’re not here…
Won’t people be wondering where you went?

No matter how small your account is on social media
No matter how little friends you have
No matter how much you think they don’t care
I can guarantee you, someone will be worried

But hey, what am I to tell you anything?
That won’t stop me from telling you to keep up the good work, buddy!
I’m proud of you for improving <3
(hehe I don’t make any sense)

Oh, how Medic hated staying at the base while everyone else went out onto the battlefield. He was tired of being left out, even if he had special chores to take care of. The cool metal against your throat made you shiver. He pulled on his rubber gloves and smiled at the slight fear in your eyes. “Ready, Verräter?” He slowly traced the outline of your face with his scalpel. You barely flinched. “Or are you going to be cooperative and share with me your little secrets?” His accent was so endearing that if you weren't in this situation you would definitely be trying to call you the most degrading of names.
You didn’t answer and his smile grew. You swallow and he starts examining you. Gloved hands grabbed your chin roughly, forcing you to look into his eyes. He definitely got some pleasure as you watched helplessly. “Too bad, you know? You are pretty good-looking. I wonder what I’ll do to you if you don't tell me.”
To be honest, you were actually somewhat enjoying this. This felt like a thrill rather than life-threatening. He slowly receded the razor tip of his tool and instead turned his attention to your torso. “Hold still, Hure.” Your breath hitched. “Or tell me where the Blu team keeps their intel.”
His voice made you melt. Trying to gain composure, you wouldn’t give in too easily. “I- I don’t know.” You lied through your teeth.
He slowly removed your shirt and it took all of your wills to not mold up into his touch. “Which part of you should I cut first?” The cool air hit your chest as you took shallow breaths. He grinned as you writhed under him. “Answer me, Schlampe.” You didn’t know who enjoyed this more. Him, or you. He ran a hand on your thigh tantalizingly. You flinched, lurching up, but the collar on your throat choked you and forced you back down. The unlicensed doctor let out a chuckle “It seems you don’t understand the threat on your life. Tell me the intel and I might let you go. Don’t, and you’ll never leave. Well, at least not alive.”
You stayed silent, both in fear and genuine interest about what he was going to do.
“I think we’ll start with your lips.” His hand went back up to your face, blade teasing your mouth. Soon enough, he pressed it into your skin, ever so slowly, dragging out the pain. A deep moan came from your mouth as the blood seeped down to your chin. He smiled.
“Do you like this, Schlampe?”
You blushed and bit your lip, avoiding eye contact. “Y-yes.” You admitted ashamedly
He laughed. “My, my, my. Whatever will I do with you?” He pressed harder and slashed against your cheek. “But I think I know a way to get words out of your mouth.”  He released the grip on your jaw. He pulled off a glove and ran his hand down to your navel. Goosebumps formed on your skin and sent chills down your spine. His hand tugged on the waistband of your pants. Looking back up at your face, you nod as he goes a little further. “How desperate you are. Even when threatened, you still want this. Pitiful.”  Half naked and strapped on the rather cold operation table, you were shivering. Tugging at your restraints, you pleaded.
“Please don’t tease.” He leaned in close, a maniacal grin on his face and hot breath fanning onto your throat.
“You’re not in the position to be giving me orders. Now, tell me. Where do you keep your intel?” Medic’s hand played with the hem of your undergarments. You bucked up into him, begging for anything. “Tell me, Hündin. You will not get what you want until you tell me.” Finally, you give in.
“I-it’s in the base. T-the kitchen. Soldier insists on hiding it there.”
“Gut gemacht.” He let go of your leg and brought his hand up to your mouth. “**** on them for me.” He said, running his fingers on your bloodied cheek. You eagerly took them into your mouth. He was amused at your enthusiasm. It really turned him on how quick you were to please him. Your tongue ran across each one with fervor, ignoring the metallic taste. You nearly whined when he pulled out. “That's enough for now.”
His attention was focused on your lower regions as he focused on caressing your thighs. Carefully sliding your undergarments out of the way, he slowly slid a finger into you. You mewled out, not daring to have any care, who would hear? Knuckle deep, he chuckled. “Want more?”
“Yes, please.” Slowly and steadily, he added another, stretching you out.
“So well mannered, without instruction.” He marveled, curling them, and slowly moving in and out. “Maybe I should keep you as a pet of mine?” Your eyes rolled to the back of your head at the thought. You licked at the blood pooling near your lips. Medic smiled and leaned into your ear. "You're doing so well, Liebling." You shuddered. "I want to wreck this tight little hole of yours. I want to break you."
"Doctor," you moaned. "Faster, please." He did as asked and sped up his pace, a  satisfied grunt coming from him. He fingered you roughly, taking pride in how loud you moaned for him.
He palmed his ******* with his other hand. He quickly uncuffed your hands, "Touch me." You obeyed and grabbed his clothed member, grinding against it.
"Doctor. I'm going to ***!" You tensed up.
"Not yet, Liebling." He said. "You'll hold it until I say so." You frowned, trying to resist it. You slid past his slacks and grabbed his ****, precum dripping into your palm.
"I didn't give you permission to do that." He moaned. "But, I'll allow it." Already slick, you ****** him off slowly. Gradually, your speed increased as you fought against your ******. You moaned as you edged yourself.
"Please, Doctor!" you cried out.
"G-go ahead."
It hit you hard. You screamed and violently convulsed, legs shaking. You continued your ******* until the German man finished on your face. You took a minute to catch your breath.

"God we need to do this soon."