my female cicada
found way to lay eggs
inside of my nasal cavity
our larvae are
pupating
hatching free
screaming inside of my frontal lobe. maddening me.
and a swarm it swims out
every time that i sneeze
and i ask them to please **** me
with their disease
but they chew through my hyde
(and who knew that id
find the hard way these incestuous insects could tease
til they torture the swallowed man, hollowed inside,
empty,
wallowing,
died
(and now no mind to mind,
so i guess i forgive em;
their mess, as the walls of my mind are lined with em))
yes theyve blessed these
molested and
nested flesh pieces of me
and replaced em with feces and waste:
rest in peace.
guess a curse would be worse,
now i know that my family
makes our home in the earth,
and they take what they give;
they give Death to take birth
and take breath from each other to give to themselves,
and what else?
Fathers Brothers
and Sisters and Mothers
are Kissing cuz thats what lovers
do to lovers
before they enjoy their next meal made of ******.
"Meat i would like you to meet Meat and Meat" cuz thats all that they are to eachother like i was to their second cousin and mother. and she was to me a sure way to become better father and son by means of becoming fully free of this Life, what a wife, giving me family at the same time as taking my life so i dont have to end it by sending a knife through my wrist or my neck, oh and lest i forget: well, i beckon to send you a message, my wife: "im so sorry that i wasnt there when our our kids started ripping and taring your body apart. Love i Swear if i couldve been there idve stopped em and started to chop em and never have stopped. but its over now. lover how lovely itd be if you were singing delicately next to me with your legs and then climbed back inside of my skull to lay eggs in my nasal cavity. the screaming and ravishing, pupating, oh its so maddening not be having these. hacking and wheezing and coughing and sneezing til my nose is bleeding and they can start feeding. i wanna feel feelings of them eating on my brainstem and the rest of my flesh and then hollowing out all of my bones and then make a home as they start to have larvae all of their own which then, they will then start to eat, from my head to my feet, and between, from my elbows and knees, im a death bed of meat which my family needs;
theres so many to feed cuz - theyduplicatein3's...

See, I really didn't wanna do this.
idve left this alone and let it die
if you didn't keep perusing and prodding this petty *******
Look, I made an honest mistake
and apologized thinking that would be more than enough
now you've angered me and I won't let your affront go unanswered you blithering cxnt.

see you're my family and it breaks my heart to have to tear you apart with my personal form of artistic expression did I mention that there is such a thing as being too sarcastic you spastic ***** with a head clearly made of boron and all the appeal of a goron

The mattresses went up and down twice.
Once to be placed on the bed
The old ones removed downstairs
Via the bathroom to make space as the new ones came up

The the new ones went down
as the old ones came up
Via the bathroom to make space

They weren't right
Weren't comfy
Too fakey
I don't know
I don't understand

So we wait for the new mattresses to come
To be brought upstairs
Whilst the old ones get taken downstairs
Via the bathroom to make space

This thing, that not even she will sleep on
Wasn't right
So we will make it right

Her standards are so high
Things have to be right
To make it so perfect
To make it lovely

And she'll be right.
They will be right
They will be perfect

Me?
Idve kept the sodding things
Once the first mattress was in
I couldn't be arsed to do it all over again

But I'll drag em up and down and down and up
via the bathroom to make space and into the spare room
Wherever they need to go
Cos she's right
It'll be nice
it'll be perfect

Her standards for perfection are impeccable
So admirable
Things are nice when they're right

Me?
If it lands mainly flat and not too much in the way,  
Then that's fine by me
I'll step over it for the rest of my life rather than perfect its position

Her standards are so high
That an egg had to be just right
And sausages?
Where do we start on sausages?
Boston.
That's where we start on sausages
And end

Me?
How can someone with such high standards be with me?
For so long?
I'm no Boston sausage.
Hardly the perfect fried egg
I had a mild panic attack losing half the family whilst buying two mattresses, which came up and down twice
Via the bathroom to make space

I knew from that first crazy night
As we kaleidoscoped on a ride
As we talked and never left each others side
And all these years later, two thirds the life of a cat,
I can see her walk along in a hat
And I smile and see that wonderful being whose made me happy
Whose taught me to appreciate it being right.
To love the life we have

This life that we've made together
With two lives we've made together
Wouldn't be anywhere near perfect with just me
She's allowed me to grow, to morph, to be
And she's still the same beautiful person I met on a sofa all those years ago
The same person whose blossomed
And grown



Me?
Idve never bought the mattresses in the first place

Was I kept up last night by my thoughts
Did I pass out at 3am too tired to even live the nightmares in my head.
On anyother occasion idve been plagued by them, left defenceless and helpless
Id rather lie here awake and be a mess tomorrow than to awaken drenched in sweat unable to breathe a mess tomorrow either way.

No matter how much I tried I couldnt get you out of my head,
That image along with...
In any instance that cold lifeless body of yours becomes a reality
Id gladly lie beside you and take my own to be by your side

Love is,
Living eternally by your side
Dying by your side

All but that the images haunt me,
******* me to my core until im trembling and quivering my lip
Until I can identify as broken as I fall to my knees
It becomes too much for me and I find myself breaking down in tears
Oh how pathetic
Dealing is never a word I would use,
Yet how do you deal with the demon itself in your dreams?

No you wouldnt
I'dve been there like the police when a black kid loiters
Never would I have exploited ya
I can heal fast but this'll take time
**** it. **** it. If only you could've been mine
Idve held you like a queen, Cleopatra over Egypt
But you couldn't see what beats in my chest it's like when I try I get shot down
Every time I opened up I get shot to the ground
I guess I'm stuck alone on my own a king with no queen to share a throne

My fate is sealed I'm giving up for good
I'm gonna be the loneliest ******* in my hood
Now I'm gonna do what all plan B guys
Get back to crying in my pit, my sanctuary and my curse
That I've now described so accurately in that verse

This may be the worst I've ever jotted down
But I guess you never see the sadness behind the mask I wear, as the clown.

Forever Alone is probably my fate
because I only found one that I'd be more than happy to call my mate
She would've been treated like a queen
And I'm being Oh so sincere
Idve treasured her so previously
And held her so dear.

But these are the pangs of unreturned affection
be careful where your heart goes it's prone to misdirection
I finally got up the nerve to tell her how I feel
she let me down easy, said she didn't want distance
I just wanted a girlfriend worth a ****,
But maybe that's not what I'm meant for it's

Like I get knocked down, or kicked around
no one sees the tears behind my mask of a clown
underneath my laughter lies years upon years of pain
Love forever eludes me
Cupid Probably laughs in my face, and spits on my head
knowing I'll be alone when they find me dead.

I'm depressed and deflated because it seems like it's either to lose or get shot is why we were created
Idve remained encouraged but this point can no longer be debated
How are you going to stop someone who doesn't even see a future staring them in the face misplaced patriotism stops you from seeing the tears and hopelessness on our faces that's written
Despair in the air because no one not even ourselves can find the strength to care optimism is a long lost memory
And even then our memories aren't pleasant by any means it seems all we are are muscular commodities fit for athletic endorsements and earning people but ourselves money but we can't use a platform because it would he like trying to preach to Vincent Van Gogh

I'm writing all of this from my perspective you know