what did i get myself to?

Four letter word and dime and a nickel and a quarter of your time
to a bliss passing by 595
your breathing and chest sinking
your lips calm and keeping ,upon the hours
of a dosing night a lasting high
your front teeth milky white meets my frosty space
the diving hips
a collar trips
man i feel you pull through and it isn't enough to call me some coward
some dancing ***** hanging on to your very lips
you said maybe is there a way
i said nah yoo i ain't raised for that
i am a forty five pound lean launching machine
from outer space to your living set
and busy strutting with vowels and annunciations since i got the power
for the heys and nays
i got the power
i got the power so it
ain't easy to unfold and what hasn't been told before
i ain't some player, goldie lock mean hater
prestigious for the one word betrayers cause it is out bend and crying doesn't work anymore
i got the breast knuckles to my chest and i say the fury of a quiet man is lethal
i am begging you to tell me you aren't danger.

It is difficult
To see things
From the perspective
Of human beings
When they seem
So far from me

A bunch of extras
For an action scene
Less than capable
Consumer fiends
Confusing me
With their
Cluelessness

All replaceable
Blood dolls
Dancing
For me
With me

It is a little hard
To see
Evenly
Behind
The shepherd
Above
The sheep
Sleepily
Eating
Your heys
For the day

It is tough to see
A knife out
When below
The spigot
In a drought
Drinking
The sorrow
Away

It is a bit of trouble
To see
When you
Have played
The persistent
Parasite
To a
Pedigree
That in fact

Agreed

To give
Pieces
Of their
Love
Away

Cannot
See
When
Face
Down
On a
Toilet
Seat

I hope you still care
with your big caring eyes
I hope you still fall in love with fictional characters
and you haven't given up on fairytales

I hope you still read
all these books we shared
Maybe you still wish to have lockers in  school
so a secret admirer could fill them with notes.

I remember you laughing really hard
at jokes we could only understand
How your smile disappears when you are sad,
how the world shatters when you are mad.

I hope your eyes still shine
whenever you get amazed
'cause I haven't seen them for a while.
I know you might have found eternal love,
do you remember about asking if we've ever been kissed?

I remember your heys and the world sparkled
intervals when we looked for each other,
a single thought was enough to share.

Those notes in our books still matter more
than thousands words of my other friends
I know they say nothing but they are still you
untouchable by time, for me to return there.

You wrote that I would never be alone,
how you knew I was surrounded by loneliness?
And now I become one with it,
embracing the cries of the night...

Missing you and hating myself when you act like I never existed...

You said "Should you forget about your past, you are nothing", You said....

‪I’m starting to catch a vibe from this little lady ‬
‪That there might be a maybe ‬
‪For this pretty beauty to be a baby ‬
‪She’s ending confos acting very independent ‬
‪Speaking in heys just to pick a needle ‬
‪Something to draw me in ‬
‪Needing a little sweetie to this peppermint gum honey‬

There are words on the tips of my lips
I dance around them
Girl, be nimble
Girl, be quick

Bumble and stumble around the syllables
These words have made a home on the tips of my lips
They seem cozy there,
Blanketed by heys and I miss yous

Reciprocation is their only fear
Or more accurately,
The lack thereof

These words bounce around my mind,
Bopping from lobe to lobe,
They'll soon return to the tips of my lips,
For that is their true home.

Forever more, just on the tips.
Forever more, forever more.

It’s the constant fear
That I don’t belong here
That I should bow out
Before we’re attached to the idea
That I could settle down
Maybe learn to not freak out
That at the end of the day I have nothing
To yell or cry about

I’m just a pretty face
Who typically knows
Just what to say
And if I had it my way
I’d have it any other way
Sometimes I wonder
What name
Glimmers on your phone screen
When I reply to your “hellos" and “heys"

I’m just a bearded chin
Running on momentum
Held together by bobby pins
And regardless of my yesterdays
My body wakes in aches and pains
Psychosomatic
Hypomanic
You only think twice
When normal’s a panic
And most night's I think that I'm the one to blame

As if "guilty" somehow took my first name

I was just a waste of time
You found yourself
And left me outside
And sometimes I don’t blame you
I just ask myself
“Who really replaced who?”

But when I’m not around
Will you notice it?
When you ignore my presence
Will you at least feel it when I’m absent?
But hey be careful with this
We lost a piece the last time that you broke it

And it’s the constant fear
That you’ll forget me in a year
I was temporary at best
A sin yet to be confessed

It’s just a tough pill to swallow
That some sinners won’t be saints

All the greetings​ received from day to day,
from hellos and head nods to smiling bright heys.
For me all are awkward and fraught  with dismay,
not from meanings of word, but which ones​ walk away

I wonder if I’m too ****** up to ever get my ending
Tattered and torn to shiny and new
If Cinderella walked past me would I even notice her shoes?
Do I act like I’m in love with you?
Because I’m really trying hard
Is this just how we do this now?
Wipe modern love’s sweat from my modest brow

It’s really hot out today
Can you send me any nudes?
Baby please be a cool girl
I promise I won’t be ghosting you
And moms, well they all love me
Some ***** named Kiki loves me too
Please buy all the ******* I’m selling you
My wittiness and charisma is just all a clever ruse
All of these matches couldn’t light a single fuse

I wonder what the greatest generation would have to say to me and you?
Cause there’s no more ******* foot pops
No more dear John I love you’s
Let me get out of this whirlpool before I drown in all the hearts
Everyone says theirs is broken but you’d have to find it first
Starter husband, starter home, starter ****, and starter wife
Someone smarter shouldn’t bother with my stupid ******* life

Where the **** have we gotten to
Where heys and how are yous
Are so mundane and you complain
When an emoji doesn’t follow suit
I think I’ll stay down here in loneliness
And maybe my dream it will appear
She’ll be tall and she’ll be funny
I’ll say everything she wants to hear

It’s really hot out today
Can you send me any nudes?
Baby please be a cool girl
I promise I won’t be ghosting you
And moms, well they all love me
Some ***** named Kiki loves me too
Please buy all the ******* I’m selling you
My wittiness and charisma is just all a clever ruse
All of these matches cant light my fuse

How many heys
hi's
I'm dying inside
why don't you just reply?
           -wherearethestars