you and me....we were so close
father like daughter, the bestest of friends.
you were my savior, you taught me about Jesus, you used to read me the bible every night to me..
you deliverd me to Christ and prayed the prayer of salvation with me, and i was saved.
but see then you stopped coming home, and when you did, you were always drunk!
hitting my mom, pushing me around. i guess things got a little to heavy for you...
see, i wish i knew it was alchohal, i wish i knew that wasent my daddy, that would hurt me... but i didnt!
so i hide from you, under my bed, clenching on to my blanky cause you and mama were screaming...always fighting.
i didnt know what to do!!
what happens when the one you were suppost to look up to, wasent there. what if they started changing?
ever  since i was little all i wanted to do was follow in your foot steps... i only wanted to be just like you . play piano like you did, walk/ talk like you did, be Christ like you did, but now....?you were so angry at me, so drunk...you hated God, i even thought you hated me, so i did too... then you left me and mama at home not knowing what to do...not knowing where you were, where you went. i hated myself, because my own father hated me! you probably didn't know that, did you... probably didn't know that Ive wanted and to commit suicide ... and i wouldent be here, if my mom and my friends hadent caught me... I NEEDED YOU THEN! .... dad, i needed you to show me that God didnt hate me, that he set me out to be a woman of God. That identity isnt about fitting in, or being so perfect all the time. since i didnt have you in my life i was always fighting for approval because i felt like when you left, you hated me, that i wasent good enough to be called your daughter. i wish i would have known its okay to make mistakes sometimes... i wish i would have known about controlling my anger, and to have respect for my leaders.... i wish i would have known that i could stand up for myself, but i didnt... i didnt know that i was important. important enough to not hurt myself. that i was made for more... so i had to figure that out for myself! after years of hating God and YOu, i had to figure out what a fool i was and that i really didnt have to let people abuse and mock me... that i could havve stopped that! i wish i knew that when i was  threatend to be killed, i could have called out for help, i could have told someone.... but you stood back...behind the lines. i thought i lost you...

What happened to the happy times?
Why did they suddenly stop?
I wish that I still felt your love,
I wish you hadent forgot.
The way that you had felt for me,
Before things got this hard,
The days when we were both in love,
Before my heart was scarred.
I used to make you happy,
And you made me happy too.
I once could not see my future,
If it did not include you.
Faced now though with no other choice,
I dread moving on alone.
I wish that we still could have had,
Our family and our home.

Woah woah woah as i go i know its too late and i hate that i dont appreciate the gifts i have until have i dont no i wont make that mistake again im a grown man now outta the play-pen and as i hold this pen scribble these lines i find myself looking back black and white memories of shes of the past lasted so long but went so fast now theyve moved on no longer held back by thoughts of me but all i can see are the mistakes and what couldve be if i hadent been me but thats okay there are seven billion humons on this planet so granted ill find another who will see all my destructive tendencies and be pleased or at least put up with me

My stomechs locked in a nerves knot,
..constant anxiety, never ceases
Take all you wont and desire from me, but im doing the right thing,
runnaway if you must. my heart will stay near to watch over you.
As you reflect deep into your heart, if you can find ONE good thought about me in your cold, depressed heart,
then please hear me out this once,
smiling, i love you... i will care about you always,
weeping, i miss you...but your gone..
i dream about the times,
we could have had if all my life, i hadent only pushed you away and fed rejection down your throat...
forgive me...if you are listening..forgive me

My only thought was you...............As I sit here in December  alone and so blue,  My only thought is you.      .....As the seasons are  Changing all over this world,I sit alone and think of you. Every season has its own  wonderful memories,Cause I've spent time in every season with you.The years were so long, but now seem so short, I wish we had made more efforts in our time we were one, instead of blame and argue, From this nothing good has come .I would change so much that I see now was so wrong ,and never bring up the past we had again. If you hadent given up on me I would of stayed by your side forever, to the very end. I try to do things to keep my mind at ease but everything I love and everything I do they all bring me thoughts of you. ....

forbidden rituals comended sitch of stix
im the britches you place upon
so call your ***** inside the basment ****
take along a hit you snake a song
hate the wrong right flippin tight
hit the mic with a statement strong

convince no other like the fitz
fritz fizzy lickin nips
seconds latent intwixed thats
furry flip burried bitz pix hurry
quick youve made them silent kits

scitz inside the ritz ive eatin too many
all these souls convoyantries
im boyant in the poetry i clip
no butter cup could kick
lick the mother dusk of nix
yall never heard those names

im the sane inside your dame scit
wont claim another aimed in
ill own every tame dinner
like a kitten quickly drips
theirs a moment full of bliss where
no one understands the hungered man

lightning in the thunder can
blunderbus ive underland
wonder what the summer has
another laps im tousk
musk elighhn mine sight
wolf amongs the sheep of fifths

never was it ray who hadent his
i see the shades of gray into fray
this the day admists those munchkins
double dutchin hush hundred
fourth ladder that i summon this
is nothin like a buimpin biztks

dunce i loved the days
other plays hey talk of tay
you get them ditches diggin
quick i know the cards behold
the hardest roll to play im
goin motions slowin till i play
alpha told me stay at bay
i come from places youd have missed