"frozenness" poems
As the wet wind hums its way through our two tower six-cylinder apartment complex. Birds fall from their naked winter wept branches, braced by stiff bones, mapped out in Alexandria, carrying notes from El Salvador. The corner market is closed, never opened. A hair salon stands in its place, it wrings out the "R's" from a Philadelphia warshing.
And like every night, hot air cakes on an extra layer of indecipherable red dots up the arms and around the neck, minute pustules of hypochondria that steal my finger tips from the keyboard. I scratch and tip them, looking under their fiery scarlet caps for, I-don't-know-what disease. Paul says It's that magic school bus melanoma, typhoid drip, it comes at you from a computer screen and eats at your nervous system until you've got the wambles.
Tuesday's used to be the worst, until I OWNED THAT **** I make a pronoun out of aluminum foil and wear it as a hat on a first date. Tinder is not bad for conceptual art projects. I carry it within me like an anodyne complex, out into the frozenness; into my mouth the air comes around my teeth, behind my uvula until winter freezes my voice and I am breathless.
I abandon my miniature house to enter the pyramidal pinetum to the North. Wild paradise shrubs gather with songless animal noises watching as I take naked photographs of my father to preserve his body from anything less than his great immortal end. He lives on black moss and water from a nearby pond,
he authors the face of Anthony Hopkins, thrown about, another casualty of fervid and blurry dreaming.
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 3:30 PM UTC
Like a ******* nagging
Ache
Embedded deep in
My neck
Just like the one
I wake up to
Every night
And Morning
I just can't
Sleep
Without that feeling
Greeting me
Every
Single
*******
Morning
They call it
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
In other words
My nerves are worked up
All the time
For no reason
Just
In general
Always
Neverending
Undying
I don't believe in meds
I feel like they'd only
**** me up
Worse than I feel
Most of the time
So I trudge through
These muddied
Hallowed waters
And thick jungles
Of fire
Accompanied by intermittent bursts
Of skin-burning frozenness
Nothing is good
Nothing is right
If only my brain decided
To be this unstoppable
In all the other areas of my life
Maybe things would be a little
Better
But they're not
And I work every day to make it so
My life might be a little easier
The next morning
The next night
The next go around
But I don't know
I never know
This **** takes hold of me
And throws me down that pit
Leaves me there with no food
No water
No love
It sits there
Smile, taps its foot
And waits for me
To die
Jan 29, 2013
Jan 29, 2013 at 3:30 PM UTC
I searched up the hashtag “winter”
and all I found was misery and cold.
Why?
There is a certain beauty in winter.
Like the cold-snap frozenness
and the way your skin shivers
but your blood is warm.
Like the feeling of being on the edge
of something very, very large,
and very, very old.
Like a mountain.
I hope you appreciate it.
There need not be misery
nor cold.
There’s a certain special beauty
in winter. Say it aloud.
There’s a certain special beauty in winter.
Apr 25, 2014
Apr 25, 2014 at 4:54 AM UTC
An avalanche of pain. Sudden. Heavy.
Suffocating in the frozenness.
Icicles fall from your mouth,
Straight from the ice of your heart.
I'm slipping on the ice,
Close to falling through the cracks.
Don't get me wrong,
The summer sun shines through your eyes.
Or at least it used to.
Now I'm just waiting for spring.
Nov 12, 2013
Nov 12, 2013 at 3:26 AM UTC
I am looking at the snow
outside through a
thin sill blind
and still
few things whiter
as from the rays of
daylight but rather
I prefer
the night on the
frozenness.
warmth is bringing those
grass oases and
they are much like
cloudholes through
dayblue sky.
but still it is
cold
and I am thinking
in a summer way
of grass cutting
and flat air
through which
dovesongs may
or may not
travel
Sep 16, 2010
Sep 16, 2010 at 8:24 PM UTC
(Spring)
So it was growing affection
(Summer)
So there was an interlude
(Autumn)
So with trees she fell
(Winter)
So he caused her frostbites for keeps from
his frost-filled heart holes from
a frost-bitten body just the same
(Spring)
So there was growing up
and there was moving on
(Summer)
So there was another interlude
and absence of affection
(Autumn)
So she noticed him again
and back was the unwanted phase
(Winter)
So he stayed the same as ever
and remained never sorry for her frozenness
Feb 7, 2015
Feb 7, 2015 at 8:15 PM UTC
After so many months of loneliness
Dark
Despairing
Frozenness
Im learning to live again
Love again
Laugh again
Jan 23, 2014
Jan 23, 2014 at 5:13 PM UTC