She was a master of disguse,

She always kept a smile on her face, no matter what happened,

She always laughed when someone made a joke,

All of this during the day, people so blind,

Not knowing what she does at night,

Cries herself to sleep, wears sweaters everyday to hide her ugly marks,

Looks in the mirror and the demons inside her head chant, "fat, ugly, useless, stupid, die" over and over again,

She falls asleep to be in nightmares throughout the night,

Still she wakes up puts on her mask and goes to school and pretends her life is wonderful

There are demons among us, angels in disguse..
We dont know the difference, they all came from the sky..
but we all walk on earth, heads up in the clouds...
Would you know his vocie, if he was screaming out loud...
Or do we think he's paper, materialistic dreams...
money making favors, thats just what it seems...
These demon playing angels, catch you with there schemes...
Tell You that happiness, is found in all these things..
Gravitate to the lavish life, cuz that weights stronger....
and let go of the free fall, into a deeper hunger...
So we over eat, indulge, and over treat...
Not carring bout the brother you left hungry on the street..
forget about his need...
He waisted his own life,we live a different type of greed...
Cuz we only care about ourselves...
Responsiblity,hahaha put my kids up on the shelves...
Thats what my father did....
So I'll follow in his foots steps,not the ones mommy lived...
Thats alright we say,thats alight...
A way for you to cope,with the things that wasn't right...
The lavish livng life, the one this money gave...
The one I'll never get, but ill keep tryin to the grave...
Wheres the mind set,where is the heart in that...
Do you ever remember your mission, it wasn't about that...
You were sent to save the world..
all my boys and girls...
But if money is all you breathe, then you'll never believe...
And The whole world is lost in your greed...

If only I could gaze in the endless darkness
If only I could breath in the deepest water
If only I could reach the end of time
If only I could turn around

But my love
You taught me how to visualize with different eyes
Where all the black and white becomes colorfully bright
To breath what’s not in the air but in your words
Where it doesn’t only keep me alive but devine
To fly with my mind
Where the wings are hopes and love
Where there is no wrong or right
To face myself
Where I can see beauty in disguse
Flowers bloom in mud

My love
I’m still learning
I might never understand life fully
At least, I want to love freely
If only you could keep teaching me

I need security, like a hug that warms me
I can’t keep pretending not to be
I’m struggling to remember what made me better
Cause the words that I used to say seem like an error

The memory of the colonge “Invictus” still floats
His cologne always seemed to calm me during my episodes
But now I’m starting to wonder if that was even real
Anyday now someone will rip off the disguse and make the big reveal

Am I delusional or do I just need to stop obsessively obsessing about everything?
These thoughts don’t sound right and my futures looking grim
I’m chasing a feeling that doesn’t exist anymore
I’m trying to fight and serve in a fictional war

Maybe I really am delusional, and I’m not sure what’s fact and what’s fiction
I’m waiting for someone to give me permission to make a decision of my own volition!
I want people to give a **** or two about the things I’m thinking loudly
I’m just asking for a little respect, after all, I always listen undoubtely

Smash me into the ground with your opinions, just listen and hear
I’m not trying to take your ear
You may not be real at all, but could you try a little harder
I want effort in relationships, not this ******* social torture

I need a push in the right direction, don’t tell anyone, but I probably need some help
I don’t think it’s in my best interest (even if it’s what I want)to be
I’m not trying to be a **** when I say this, bud
But I need you to step it up

You hide
You hide behind your jokes and lies
you hide
you hide behind your disguse
and don't want people to realize
that you hide
you dont want me to see with my own eyes
and that makes you like me
so you can keep hiding
until you let me see
who you are and who you will  be

nothing is perfect
not on the first shot
but angel we tried and it didnt get better
where can i find you now
a hospital or an apartment broken down
a tool, a disguse i used to understand
now youre not in my head
youre not a friend
you asked if i missed you
said i was sweet
take a look at my body
you wont feel the heat
theres something inside i dont want anymore
its something deep and stuck to your core
i tried to brush it away but it has thorns
i told you ive loved you since before you were born
theres nothing inside me for you
not anymore