I start writing this lines for whomever is willing to read then...

Today I could not reconcile with my sleep, lately it seems we are sworn enemies, battling every single night until one of us is so exhausted it forfeits its own life and gives in to the overwhelming force of the other entity, tonight I was the one who lost the fight... I lay in agony writing these words to try and take the pain away, trying to keep my mind sane sorounded by this madness... It is a quiet night, and all you can hear are my fingers on the keyboard, and the breaths I take to exhale the smoke in my lungs.

The minutes pass and i cling myself to a thoughts that seems to be so distant, memories of happier days flow in and out of my mind, floating in nothingness, like a beautiful song with no one there to appreciate its beauty... No one...

Hours go by, and still no sign of any type of existence whatsoever, just me, the smoke and the sound of this keyboard... Just when my soul is about to go stray, at the point of no return, I hear footsteps from afar, FINALLY!, she has returned! I can feel different things happening inside me, if I could see myself from the outside, it would be like watching a young boy waiting for a present, THAT present that he has always wished for... Soon all the commotion inside me its betrayed by the reality of what lies in front of my eyes, that siluette in the darkness does not belong to my long wished gift, to that little music box that holds my heart, that figure coming out of the darkness correspond to a very old friend, a dear friend that I have missed, yet, never wished to be face to face again...

My dear friend finally walks out of the darkness and standing in front of me without saying one word, I can see a small hint of happiness in those beautiful eyes filled with sorrow, anger, wisdom... I can feel her getting close to me and smell that unique perfume that I was acustome to, it is almost like I could taste her skin at the moment that she kisses my forehead, I sit still, frozen, afraid, wanting to run far from her presence and yet I stayed there, intoxicated by her astonishing beauty... The only thing that I can remember thinking is the yells inside my head, screaming COWARD!

She sits quietly next to me on the stairs, I get my matches and light up another cancer stick, like my old buddy was used to called them, she looks at the box and without saying a word takes one to her mouth and lights it up... I could only see the bright red light, reflected in her eyes as she embraces a slow death with each breath she takes, I notice that she still has the smile on her face while she stares at me, right in my eyes... I feel at ease knowing that I am not with a stranger, knowing that my old friend was there for a reason, a reason that at the moment I couldent control but clearly understand. Everything seems to slow down, its even more quiet than before, u can hardly hear the typing on the keyboard anymore... All I can hear are the breaths she takes while she smokes her cigarette... The minutes go by and not one word has come out her tempting mouth, she is almost exactly as I remember her, quiet, yet on this visit she seems more mature, sensual, more natural, passive and also more beautiful, it is very difficult to describe but sitting there I almost felt relieve... Its like our minds are connected, i see, i feel things she is carrying within her, it burns my insides like a shot of tequila, slowly ohh soo slowly takes over my body... She giggles as she sees me light yet another cigarette, she knows that she has me, she knows that any moment i will succumb to the idea of having her in my presence... I keep writing, incredibly, I feel my fingers lighter, faster...

20 minutes go by like nothing and as I still sit there, she finally makes her move, she whispers something between breaths, I get hypnotized by her gorgeous eyes, her wonderful smile and those lips that I've been dying all night to taste... She leans forward and takes my hand, I stand like if I can't even control my own body, she closes the door behind us, the room grows even darker and just a little bit colder, as I turn around before I could make sense of what is happening, I'm shock in surprise to feel her lips on mine, I try to step away but she holds on tight like if she needs me, almost like we are two sides of the same coin... Soon I surrender to her touch, her soft warm lips, her tongue dancing with mine, I want to stop but she is not willing to let go, or you can say that I'm just not strong enough to let go of her... I can feel her hands on my back and her fingers gently taking off my shirt, caressing my chest, licking my neck... The room still seems cold even with everything that is going on, it is a strange feeling, but I am more focus on my dear friend that has not visited me in such a long time, she still hassent said a word as she slowly walks to my bedroom, I can see her stunning body perfectly because with each step she takes, her hands and fingers play with a different part of her clothing as she takes them off and seduces me to come close, so close that our breaths become a single one, I can't control myself anymore, after fighting my desires for so long I give in to her presence, to her will, to all her company brings to my life... I take hold of her fragile body, with my hands I explore every inch of her, kissing, biting, losing my mind with her taste, her smell... I can feel that this is not right, but as I look at her, everything else tells me to keep on... To move, one step at a time...

Slowly but surely our bodies begin to accept one another, to enjoy more and more the simple fact that it feels like they belong together... Together, at least at the moment... Laying on my bed, u can hear her nails playing with my back, my shoulders, my waist, I can hear another whisper between her breaths as we make things happen that you have only heard of. She is not so quiet anymore, she still keeps her impeccable beauty, but the beauty I see now, is more natural, more unique than any I have ever seen, I can see her face blushing with little tears of sweat dripping from her chest, her face... Her beauty still lies there, but now I want her more than before, if there would be a form of describing what my eyes could see, would be as simple as saying that she looks like reaching the heavens and hell at the same time. Quickly she turns my body around and I can see the full splendor of her naked siluette, a body that belongs to me, but a soul that will never be mine... I reach out to touch her face, its not so soft anymore, it feels more rubbished, more raw, more exiting than anything that I have ever seen or felt before... She takes my finger and carries it to her mouth, smiles at me and then makes my hand travel all the corners of her sensual body, every inch of untouched skin... I feel like the moment will never end, I feel eternity has nothing against me... But inside me, I can sense that I'm wrong, that I will be sorry for the present, wishing for the past, and hating my future... In the back of my mind, my will yells for me to realize that it will hurt more tomorrow, just as I almost break from her spell she bends over me and yet again I could only make out a whisper between breaths, a sign without reason... I can feel her body laying on top of mine, hearts beating together, deep breaths and long stares at each other... She still hassent said a word, her fingers play with my chest hair, and her eyes filled with sorrow, anger and wisdom shed a tear, just one tear, for the reasons we both know of, we know that she has to go, that I don't want her to stay next to me, because I'm not willing to take all the things she is accustom to bring with her... She feels used, worst than a *****, worst than a simple piece of meat... But she understands, she can no longer be visiting me, she can no longer make my soul her's... She will have to comfort herself in the fact that she will always be with me, but never taking control... At the moment she stands, looks at me with her dark beautiful eyes, picks up her clothes and kisses my forehead once more... I lay on my bed, watching her beauty, looking as she covers her gorgeous body by the clothes design to hide it... She stands by the door and hints me to stand next to her, I feel her arms wrap tightly around my waist and her head resting on my chest, at the moment I can finally understand my quiet dear friend, as her last whisper I can only make out the words "I will always be by your side"... She turns to the door and back the stairs she came from, and I just stand there, still, lighting another match to smoke another slow poison in my lungs... At the far distance I can see my dear old friend looking back at the space on my door, its like I almost know what she will say, what she will do... She disappears into the night, only to be seen or felt by those who wish for her company or desire her taste, I only stand there, with a smoke in hand whispering for my own amusement, "goodbye dear friend, goodbye old companion, goodbye my lover, goodbye loneliness"



The End

Samantha was caring, Samantha was kind,
but sadly she fell for the wrong guy.
He said he loved her, and she was such a find.
You'd never guess he was amonster in disguise.
The bruises, and pain; she lived in fear.
Clinging on to the "hope" she lasted a year.
He the ventriloquist watched his puppet swing.
Samantha couldent escape her "masters" string.

I just need to express some ****, I don't want to Wright a poem or a song, I want to talk stupid jump to conclusions and make no sense.
I dont care if im wrong or not, im high and ******. In a situation like this, **** Makin Sense im'a sit awake all night  randomly switch topics. and wright ******* so random it can't be right.

Once apon a time somewhere that the government couldent find, a middle aged   man found a rip in the the sky.  He couldent  feel it so he spent every day observing the odditie and  feeling its force stronger by the day. At night it disappeared and came to light when the sun would shine. He left his home in the bush with out anything to survive. His wife couldn't bear life so before he left he teasd her like he wanted ***. Just as she felt wet he backed up and said," every man likes ***, every man loves Brest's, bear skin and biting necks. I am no exception to the weakness of men but iv wasted my best years trying again and again to give you my son, i would've settled for a daughter but still your poisoned body never let me feel the satisfaction of being a father. I was forced into this union and now my life is half past I regret my choice to honor my dad, but even more i regret not taking my fathers chance, to pray with the lords and and stab you in your sinful womb . Lucky for you i  said i couldn't, take the life   of the women i gave my vow 2 in the sun in front of god to keep alive long before it was discovered you were poisend inside .

I´ve been staring at the way your eyes
flicker everytime we pass
a bed
I  guess  I couldent bare
the thought of you naked
fine and all  without me
But behold my secrets
moved on  without me saying goodbye
You drank everything  that was on my lips
a sweet  suffocating feeling
a crowded mind  burned alone
I  tried  to hold on
rejecting your calls
at  the same time I  saw my life
circle around me

Later, I'd swear that the empty bottles
and the smell of smoke had
rotted my clothing away

I think I may have tried scrubbing myself
with dirt; i found blood on my hands and my feet
the next
morning

sweat was everywhere in my eyes
the only thing that made the stench
go away was soaking myself in perfume until
my skin pruned
and i couldent breathe

no sleep, no heatbeat here in this body
who needs breath
who needs love, after all

break the mirror, replace your artificial beauty
scream "wantmeneedme saveme"
watch them want  you.throw out your artificial hope.
replace your broken records

now start to play them all again

When I was little,
I was given two gifts.
The gift of beauty,
The gift of love,
They were placed upon my soul.
  
Sometimes they would seem small,
Or in some cases,
just the opposite.
But knowing i would always have them,
It was okay.


Then,
Years later,
I felt an aching pain,
Something was missing.
The love i felt turned rotten.
I had to start over.
The love I was bestowed,
Wasn't enough,
Anymore.
I needed to find a new love.
So i waited,
I watched.
I observed the happy,
And the hearbroken.
I tried.
I really did.
I looked and looked.
Searched.
Was fooled and tricked,
And very confused.
But i was wise beyond my years.
I knew that this waiting was a sign,
A sign of good to come.

Then,
After so many tears,
After so much abuse,
From the shadows,
There he was.

The match I've been searching for

We talked.
Shared our lives.
I figured out where my other half was,
How he came to be.
I began to give him my heart.
The old love that I had.
I placed in his hands.
He didnt notice,
but i did.
I didnt care if i never gained anything.
Just being in the presence,
Of this magnificent creature,
Was enough for me.

I wasnt guaranteed love back,
But  i could tell he was different.
He had the same life,
The same experiences.
Where has he been all this time?

I began to grow attatched,
Feel comfortable,
I felt my soul growing on his.
As long as i was with him,
Or even thought of him,
I had all the love in the world.
The thought of loosing him,
Chilled my bones.
Almost all my love,
Was in with him.
The love didn't matter,
Only he did.

But one night,
The little love I had,
Was entirely ripped out of my soul.
By none other than,
him.

I was blindsided,
I had always been careful,
Why did i trust him.
He the began to drain the little love I had,
Straight from my soul.
But that wasnt enough.

You see,
Before me,
There was another.
She was my opposite.
A different beauty.
She possesed different eyes,
Different skin,
A different soul.
He was drawn to that soul,
But could not have it,
Until he gained the gift of love.
My gift.

Beauty was rare,
And it was extreamly rare to posesses the feeling,
Of that precious gift.
He couldent leave me with that pleasure,
So he ripped the love,
He ripped the beauty,
Right out of me,
And gave it to her.

What kills me even more,
My soul he still has,
A piece of my heart forever.

I am left shattered on the floor,
With no one to peice me back together.
And hes starting a new beginning.
My new beginning.

And hes fine,
Hes smiling with her.
And I'm here writing.
Trying to search for an answer.
Trying to make peace.
Becacuse this was the one story,
I havent learned from yet.
the story of,
him.

She was once trapped in a dark void,
She was crying, and everything that was once happy was now destroyed.

She had lost all hope, for it had been Seven years,
When I saw her in the Sacred Realm she didnt shead a tear.

She explained to me why we couldent be together,
She was a Sage, and I was the Hero of Time, we were on opposite ends of the teather.

Before Princess Zelda, I always wanted you,
But now we can't be, so we both need to coup.

I thank you for being here for me so we can face him together,
Even though we are on opposite ends of the teather.

Maybe we just wern't meant to be,
Or maybe our destinys changed when I entered the Great Deku Tree.

Yes, thats probably where it all changed,
Or where our destinys already arragneged?

First off I'd like to introduce myself ill use my nick name so the common wealth can't find someone to blame and send to jail...
My uncle was like my father and named me ztickz cuz I was skinny and strong. he took care of me and helped me along. this is a poem that ill read like a song, its a story asking how it went so wrong...

So learn the words and speak along.

long before my eyes were blue and my hair was blond my father was gone and my mom was doing it all wrong. teenage girl with a big belly smokin out a dope ****. Drinkin with the hopes that the bump would be gone.

December 97 is when i came along, born ****** up i couldent tell you everything mom was on. Liquor brought me out quicker and dope gave her hope that the party was on. Barely turned 16 gave birth to me and couldent deal with thinking that her fun was gone. She was young thin and blond she wasent gonna stop until her body wouldn't let her party on.I can't recall cuz i was to young but im sure a week of rest was to long. Started out she was never gonna be away for to long.

i couldent tell you whats wrong even i tried
and i tell you that im alright dont assume that just lied
sometimes i just need space and just alittle time
i got alot of secrects but half of them arent mine

what have i done i k new that i have trusted you but maybe to day i hate what i have become cause every dream i have hate what has been wo did i **** in my own silence. i have the feeling when i remembered something and one day t was to late to say sorry for something i didnt even knew what has happpened
i miss have you as my best friend
i hate how we have gone our own ways
i hated why i needd you the most
i wish i couldent stop my tear
i wish our lives coldnt be this way
i hated how me and you fought over what secrets have been said


my ******* day has became the fear on me getting forced to speak on the stage with fear that im choking up already

i remeber all the gifts and love we are all to gathere but my last day ended threw the sun turning blue

the day is turning in to a misty blue shadow that only begain to folow around me since im not strong enought to follow my lungs fill with fear as my lungs deflate

i hate we could both break the scilence to be to gather

if our self cant what ever

i never could hate
that word is terrifying to me
i can never hurt or leave you behind
i only love
i will never be mean
ill always forgive you even if it was a huge mistake
im the kinda guy who never hates or hurts i couldent be harsh
i will always forgive
i will be ******* you if you be come a threat to me
but ill never be mean hate hurt you
i will always listen to you

i cant be mean cause where dose that get you

I want to stop
I swear i will
I’ll put down the fork and spoon and I will be still

Leave me alone
Let me heal
But every time you try, you see, it’s not just food I steal

I steal happiness and memories and sleep
I steal all the smiles full of teeth and money you cant keep
Because we spent it all on hospital trips wondering why I cant eat

And they’ll give me medicine
And then the cycle will begin again

——-

When I was 16 I finally was fit
I could run and jump and sing until I made myself sick
It’s fine during the daytime when you see me standing tall
But at night i’d crumple and i’s fall
You don’t know what I hid inside my walls

Because I hid happineiss and memories and sleep
I hid  all the smiles full of teeth and money we couldent keep
Because we spent it all on hospital trips
Wondering why I can’t eat

And they’d give me medicine
And the cycle would begin again

————-

Now im almost 22 and I’ve destroyed my home
Muscles turn limp and my heart is stone cold
I only feel happiness with a mouth full of food

I know this cant be the life I choose
And i bit off more than I can chew
Maybe my lifes better without you

Because you aren’t happiness and memories and sleep
You aren’t smiles full of teeth but you gave me money that I still need
Because you aren’t perfect so why should I be

And i’ll take my medicine
But I won’t come home again
Because home isn’t giving in

And I’m so much more then when i eat