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Jul 2012
I start writing this lines for whomever is willing to read then...

Today I could not reconcile with my sleep, lately it seems we are sworn enemies, battling every single night until one of us is so exhausted it forfeits its own life and gives in to the overwhelming force of the other entity, tonight I was the one who lost the fight... I lay in agony writing these words to try and take the pain away, trying to keep my mind sane sorounded by this madness... It is a quiet night, and all you can hear are my fingers on the keyboard, and the breaths I take to exhale the smoke in my lungs.

The minutes pass and i cling myself to a thoughts that seems to be so distant, memories of happier days flow in and out of my mind, floating in nothingness, like a beautiful song with no one there to appreciate its beauty... No one...

Hours go by, and still no sign of any type of existence whatsoever, just me, the smoke and the sound of this keyboard... Just when my soul is about to go stray, at the point of no return, I hear footsteps from afar, FINALLY!, she has returned! I can feel different things happening inside me, if I could see myself from the outside, it would be like watching a young boy waiting for a present, THAT present that he has always wished for... Soon all the commotion inside me its betrayed by the reality of what lies in front of my eyes, that siluette in the darkness does not belong to my long wished gift, to that little music box that holds my heart, that figure coming out of the darkness correspond to a very old friend, a dear friend that I have missed, yet, never wished to be face to face again...

My dear friend finally walks out of the darkness and standing in front of me without saying one word, I can see a small hint of happiness in those beautiful eyes filled with sorrow, anger, wisdom... I can feel her getting close to me and smell that unique perfume that I was acustome to, it is almost like I could taste her skin at the moment that she kisses my forehead, I sit still, frozen, afraid, wanting to run far from her presence and yet I stayed there, intoxicated by her astonishing beauty... The only thing that I can remember thinking is the yells inside my head, screaming COWARD!

She sits quietly next to me on the stairs, I get my matches and light up another cancer stick, like my old buddy was used to called them, she looks at the box and without saying a word takes one to her mouth and lights it up... I could only see the bright red light, reflected in her eyes as she embraces a slow death with each breath she takes, I notice that she still has the smile on her face while she stares at me, right in my eyes... I feel at ease knowing that I am not with a stranger, knowing that my old friend was there for a reason, a reason that at the moment I couldent control but clearly understand. Everything seems to slow down, its even more quiet than before, u can hardly hear the typing on the keyboard anymore... All I can hear are the breaths she takes while she smokes her cigarette... The minutes go by and not one word has come out her tempting mouth, she is almost exactly as I remember her, quiet, yet on this visit she seems more mature, sensual, more natural, passive and also more beautiful, it is very difficult to describe but sitting there I almost felt relieve... Its like our minds are connected, i see, i feel things she is carrying within her, it burns my insides like a shot of tequila, slowly ohh soo slowly takes over my body... She giggles as she sees me light yet another cigarette, she knows that she has me, she knows that any moment i will succumb to the idea of having her in my presence... I keep writing, incredibly, I feel my fingers lighter, faster...

20 minutes go by like nothing and as I still sit there, she finally makes her move, she whispers something between breaths, I get hypnotized by her gorgeous eyes, her wonderful smile and those lips that I've been dying all night to taste... She leans forward and takes my hand, I stand like if I can't even control my own body, she closes the door behind us, the room grows even darker and just a little bit colder, as I turn around before I could make sense of what is happening, I'm shock in surprise to feel her lips on mine, I try to step away but she holds on tight like if she needs me, almost like we are two sides of the same coin... Soon I surrender to her touch, her soft warm lips, her tongue dancing with mine, I want to stop but she is not willing to let go, or you can say that I'm just not strong enough to let go of her... I can feel her hands on my back and her fingers gently taking off my shirt, caressing my chest, licking my neck... The room still seems cold even with everything that is going on, it is a strange feeling, but I am more focus on my dear friend that has not visited me in such a long time, she still hassent said a word as she slowly walks to my bedroom, I can see her stunning body perfectly because with each step she takes, her hands and fingers play with a different part of her clothing as she takes them off and seduces me to come close, so close that our breaths become a single one, I can't control myself anymore, after fighting my desires for so long I give in to her presence, to her will, to all her company brings to my life... I take hold of her fragile body, with my hands I explore every inch of her, kissing, biting, losing my mind with her taste, her smell... I can feel that this is not right, but as I look at her, everything else tells me to keep on... To move, one step at a time...

Slowly but surely our bodies begin to accept one another, to enjoy more and more the simple fact that it feels like they belong together... Together, at least at the moment... Laying on my bed, u can hear her nails playing with my back, my shoulders, my waist, I can hear another whisper between her breaths as we make things happen that you have only heard of. She is not so quiet anymore, she still keeps her impeccable beauty, but the beauty I see now, is more natural, more unique than any I have ever seen, I can see her face blushing with little tears of sweat dripping from her chest, her face... Her beauty still lies there, but now I want her more than before, if there would be a form of describing what my eyes could see, would be as simple as saying that she looks like reaching the heavens and hell at the same time. Quickly she turns my body around and I can see the full splendor of her naked siluette, a body that belongs to me, but a soul that will never be mine... I reach out to touch her face, its not so soft anymore, it feels more rubbished, more raw, more exiting than anything that I have ever seen or felt before... She takes my finger and carries it to her mouth, smiles at me and then makes my hand travel all the corners of her sensual body, every inch of untouched skin... I feel like the moment will never end, I feel eternity has nothing against me... But inside me, I can sense that I'm wrong, that I will be sorry for the present, wishing for the past, and hating my future... In the back of my mind, my will yells for me to realize that it will hurt more tomorrow, just as I almost break from her spell she bends over me and yet again I could only make out a whisper between breaths, a sign without reason... I can feel her body laying on top of mine, hearts beating together, deep breaths and long stares at each other... She still hassent said a word, her fingers play with my chest hair, and her eyes filled with sorrow, anger and wisdom shed a tear, just one tear, for the reasons we both know of, we know that she has to go, that I don't want her to stay next to me, because I'm not willing to take all the things she is accustom to bring with her... She feels used, worst than a *****, worst than a simple piece of meat... But she understands, she can no longer be visiting me, she can no longer make my soul her's... She will have to comfort herself in the fact that she will always be with me, but never taking control... At the moment she stands, looks at me with her dark beautiful eyes, picks up her clothes and kisses my forehead once more... I lay on my bed, watching her beauty, looking as she covers her gorgeous body by the clothes design to hide it... She stands by the door and hints me to stand next to her, I feel her arms wrap tightly around my waist and her head resting on my chest, at the moment I can finally understand my quiet dear friend, as her last whisper I can only make out the words "I will always be by your side"... She turns to the door and back the stairs she came from, and I just stand there, still, lighting another match to smoke another slow poison in my lungs... At the far distance I can see my dear old friend looking back at the space on my door, its like I almost know what she will say, what she will do... She disappears into the night, only to be seen or felt by those who wish for her company or desire her taste, I only stand there, with a smoke in hand whispering for my own amusement, "goodbye dear friend, goodbye old companion, goodbye my lover, goodbye loneliness"



The End
i know is NOT exactly a "poem" but i wanted to get you guys feedback. thank you for reading.
Carlos A Espino
Written by
Carlos A Espino
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