Most beautiful and ugliest.
Most sacred and polluted.
So similar and contrastive.
So creative and destructive.

Filling up lives and emptying it.
Filling up places and abandoning it.

People...


They'll never really know how
beautiful they are.

Cruel Blackness




I want to do the unpopular possibly the scary I want to face the darkness but keep from getting
Lost that is the trick a guide lost is worthless my heart is heavy and it bears the condition of

Despair but not a cheap act or idea that would suit a magic show but to dispel darkness bring
Light out of nothing let it gradually form its unquestionable life sustaining power in the secret

Place prisons that are uncanny and profound easy to enter inextricable impossible to escape
Defeat fate's death chilling breath feeds on your soul until the outer man is no more here is where

Doubt is size less who can measure or plumb its depth the shroud tolls with silent bells if there
Be walls who can tell most would give into panic the sure music of pleasure to the heart of

Darkness within the darkest robe phobia’s all manner of emotional chains are stored quietly as a
Many legged spider they approach the tolling of somber is known it works masterful deigns

That reach thoughts that turn only with ease in a demon’s mind the feign is unreal but as the
Heart is desperately wicked who shall Know it enslaves it own without number you need the

One and only component that knows no fear its price and availability and its origin a mystery it
Is not in League with and on Terms with The tremulous waster that shakes and breaks

Foundations that seemingly have no beginning or end that runs crookedly to the unknown and
Its name is Disaster but it has a master it lives in void fueled world of incomprehension but a

Child can harness its attributes innocent’s forms It out of the nothingness we need it grows
Precipitously formable you start by denouncing your own mind the end of self and you have few

Weighted steps to the door there is no terror as terrifying as dependence on an outcome that you
Have no control over to come and blunder past warning signs that are insoluble is to annihilate

Such a foolish intruder thus the darkness in the first place when your heart is filled with darkness
How do you suppose to find light or life you have chosen death and not even God can wrest it

From your hand only by coming as an Innocent child believing and by having faith all darkness
Vanishes light is contrastive giving congruence to worlds of different languages that without

Faith all is meaningless there is no Intellectual connection possible and the dead remain dead
Because only the spirit can know spiritual things love stands in the offing forever out of reach of

Those who will not put self to death that only lives for earthy while the spirit heavenly the dead
Will be removed to darkness without remedy the living spirit will flash across infinity and will

Truly be the only ones that can pass through that terrifying door and instantly be at home in
Heaven

Unsettled fingertips tap the counter and
I clench my fists
Unclench
Clench
Unclench
Clench
I live inside Salem,
A body of mystery and fear
Torn between truth and myth,
The void exactly where you wanted me

"Are we going to fix it?"
We don't talk about it
"Is it going to work?"
We don't talk about it
"I love you"
We don't ******* talk about it

5 years is an eternity for girls living apart
Separate states and contrastive attitudes
Regarding colorful race and travelling the world
I wanted adventure and you wanted safe

I think about you when I row the river,
I think about you when I paint the landscapes and
I think about you when I'm drinking
A wrecked, terse woman wasting in oblivion

You injected distrust in each of my veins,
slowly seeping throughout my body,
Creating a coma of emotional insecurity
year
after
year

And I believed you this time
I believed you last time and
the time after that but
I will not believe you the next time

I sat on the curb at 3am and discussed
endless options of our future
I didn't need to prove myself further,
Since I've already done the hard part,
Driving 5 hours in the middle of the night,
in secret to see you, darling

"Are you coming?"
"I'm coming"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm sure"
Do you promise?"
"I promise"

I did the hard part and it was your turn
Your turn to prove that you meant it,
that you wanted it to work

The sun was pouring that day,
When you cried and choked on the words,
"I like a boy,"
Words that weren't so foreign
but that were piercing to my heart

"It's okay," I said
"I still love you," I said
A beautiful mountain girl surrounded
by bigotry and hate in a state full
of so much beauty

Acidic tendencies in the middle of the night,
I washed my hair with your ******* forgery,
My eyes poured for days, unceasing
Unrelenting
Ultraviolence on repeat because
Lana can make it beautiful

A heartbreak so heartbreaking
and I loved you
I loved you more than the pale moonlit mountains
and the Ferris Wheel skidding the clouds and
I loved you more than jars full of sand and
Midnight fireflies and cool, sophic fire scented air
I loved you more than loose t-shirts on lazy days
and I ******* loved you

"I love you more than this mixtape,"
with the memories of swaying palms and
gravitating tide pulls and a simple sentence of
"You look so familiar."

I wish I had never seen you
Blonde hair, windy
Blue eyes, angry
I wish I had never glanced toward the deck 5 years ago
on the shore where all things seemed beautiful

Because All Things Seem Beautiful
at first, before the crash of thunder and
Before paradise lost its way home

"It's not goodbye," you said
"It's see you later," you said
And I wish it was the former and never the latter
Because this road was lost many years ago when
Empty promises promised to exist

You've broken my heart and
I
Loved
It
because with you, dark nights
seem a little breezier and howling coyotes
drown out country ambitions because
with you, with all of you,
it's too safe
Too ******* safe

I loved you the first time,
and I loved you the last time
I need my trust back and I can't be waiting
for you to make up your mind on your *******
domesticated relationships because you feel
better hiding than being passionate

Hiding behind your masculine partner,
A partner so very vague and so very safe,
when you didn't take the chance that I did
A chance that would have worked, for as long
as things really work
I would've tried for you

I need to trust again
I need believe when others say that they're coming
I need this distrust to deteriorate because
I can't do days of stomach aches and
gipping anxiety anymore
I need to trust and to love because
I know that I'm good at it,
but you've taken my ability to love
and flushed it like cold coffee

This is okay
I am okay
Because each day that I go from you,
the happier I feel and the freer I feel
I'm a kite that catches the wind at ungodly times
of night and a gemstone that scratches too easily
when promised a warranty

Goodbye to you, beautiful mountain girl
I'm saying what I need for me and never for you
because I loved you in past tense and the present
is so forbidden

Goodluck with your normalcy,
while you lick your lips with Jesus
and while I light a cigarette so sweet and pure
Goodbye, beautiful mountain girl
Goodbye

The blades of betrayal cut deep,
Through the fabrics of the heart

A world never the same again
Contrastive, a true self revealed

The hypocritical roses of love,
Lying in these webs of deceit,

Lured by soft words of a smooth tongue
To be broken at the cliff of bliss

Now, fallen to the dark world of the unforgiving,
A vindictive soul garbed in tatters of trust

an optician runs a light over

a butterfly, enmeshed with

mulch.

a shaft of light emitted from

forest ground, that the sun

knows nothing of.

no more prescient.

than a birdcage flung unto

a wire over an intersection.

its dome rushing its base, its base

rushing its dome.

a lattice of bars that are struck as

they strike.

hung against the contrastive

sky of Giorgione's: The Tempest.