Spent many years
Searching
But not knowing
What for

Thought that
Happiness was mine
But did not know
Life like love is blind

Saw signs of trouble
With subtle hints
She was colder than
Most fish

Knew it was coming
And had no regrets
As the door closed
Behind her she left

Rethought the future
Went on with life
Searching for new love
To light up the night


Asked friends
And acquaintance
To find
Me a date

I waited for her
At Starbucks for a blind date
And then she arrived
How do I rate

Her porcelain skin
Dark brown eyes
Long dark hair
She caught my eye

Found new love
After a few dates
Now life is fine
New love sublime

Tread softly as you venture into the dark mist of love and lust.
Searching out that moment of heat that brings passion.

Darkness brings your fears
            Your mind can control your fears
Breaking Mind Control

Laying down this night
feeling restless so no sleep.
Thoughts racing in the dark,
already looking for the light.

First a gentle touch
as finger reach my shoulder bare.
A hand now resting on my chest,
give me pause as I start to rest.

Then a leg gently
draped across me,
feeling the warmth,
my love close.

Now her body
wrapped to me,
like pretzels intertwined.
A gentle sleep is now mine.

***** and musk
Rapid breathing and heart rate
    Command me I'm yours

I have awoken at an early hour, Early morning or earlier than I want, but the gathering has begun. It appears in clusters as they say, as the pain gently taps, almost an absent thought, but if not aware, taking over all focus or any thoughts beyond the pain. I see the dark on the other side of the blade as I look over the edge of the crevasse trying not to go too far into the depth of my pain. It has been many years with a dance of doctors, drugs, along with a little experimentation along the way. A form of self-imposed self-medication. Avoiding the dark on of that side is to avoid the doctor's opiates advise.

Many years have past
             Since heard their voice
                                 When last heard, was faint

And  I still hear
             The voices
                                  Even though gone, voices faint

When you look at the years
                Of all those lost
                                   The voices stay with you though faint

Happy memories the past
                  Sometimes that is best
                                   To keep memory close even if faint

Never forget the love
                  Which is always there
                                    Through life or death keep fears faint

When the time is right
                   It becomes your night
                                     As the light of your life becomes faint

Reunited again with voices from the past, they will be strong and no longer be faint

As the shadows
grow long and
the days become short.

Winter approaches
as the leaves of color
fall from the trees.

Flowers disappear
as the light of day
fades to shortened time.

Wrapping plants
in blankets
to protect from incoming cold.

Gathering wood
to pile by the hearth
in preparation for a cold stormy night.

Cravings come slowly
even when you say
no, never again.

Feelings slowly rise
with tightness creeping
into my chest.

Brain is racing now
fighting the urge
to taste the rush once more.

Avoiding friends
from the past
that can fill your need.

Running to avoid
the sweet taste
as the drip becomes a flow.

Feeling the draw
of the warmth of
being in my mothers arms.

Nodding now
as the fluid
streams into my veins.

Escape will be
mine now
as the pain and world fade away.

Happiness is now complete within the darkness.

For unknown real reasons, I find myself speaking of journeys. The term transitioning seems to be slipping into my vocabulary.

I read of finding enlightenment, but where is it found. Really, I never knew I had anything like enlightenment that was missing. Happiness seems to be what I want to add to life, whether my life or that of another. Life, meaning, another human, which is not a color, culture, political, religious or anything, just a human as in all Gods children.

So, is my happiness, my enlightenment? If not, it is of little matter to me, since my joy and happiness is at a level that I do not find the need to do more than continue in my journey and transition.

Peace be to you all and great blessing in your journey of life.

Men are all equal
Hatred turns a man's heart cold
           While love does bring warmth

As I grow older
And look back in time
I have no regret for all time

I have loved and lost
And loved again
And again

As my life past by
And boy did it fly
But then again

That's Life

Now I had a vision
When a youth
Of being 20 and out of my youth

Now I look on that vision
When no longer a youth
Not past my prime and I hope not my youth

But the turn of an ankle the lift of skirt and I remember my youth

Darkness takes many forms,
Taking you to places so unknown.
Sometimes it’s hard to return,
As the darkness overtakes the mind.
The body follows closes behind,
Until there is no return.
The End.

Dancing light of that sliver
of a silvery moon shines.
Since you've been gone,
I search for you
among the stars.
Searching out the brightest one,
Since I know that's you.

We seem to keep looking for something better in life. More money, a bigger house or a nicer car. Looking at the happiness in my life, I can have no regrets or the happiness I feel may not have been achieved. Take time to reflect on what you have. Do you really need more? When you leave this earthly place, you're taking nothing of physical substance with you. You leave as you came in, with nothing. So maybe you do have all you really need to live the rest of your life? Peace be with you this day.

Time moves slowly,
within the realm of my universe.
The sun rises,
as the moon fades
along with the stars.

The night sky will change
as I venture to new worlds.
Constellations not familiar to me,
will fill me with awe.
That first step of the journey
grows near, as I resist my internal fears.

It was cold my first trip to Nome. Okay, it's always cold in Nome. It was February, still going down to -55 degrees some days. This was generally a one or two night stay. You really only needed a day, but the weather is unforgiving and so sometimes you wait most of the day. It is still dark up above the Arctic Circle, which Nome is only about 150 miles south of. The ocean ice will not start breaking for a month or two.

The morning started with an early flight from Fairbanks to Anchorage. It makes for a long day with approximately a 500 mile flight south so I can grab a 1,000 mile flight north to Nome. The first flight in had no delays so there was hope for the day. The hotel I booked which sounded quite grand was “The Nugget Inn”. It felt good knowing I would be in a nice hotel in this barren land.

It was a clear morning as we came in over the Bering Strait. I waited about 30 minutes to get my bags, then headed outside to see if I could flag down a ride. Taxis here in a village are a car passing by. You just waved before they go on by and hope they see you. It does not matter where you're going, Nome is not that big. Paid my three bucks and took a seat and said good morning to the driver and one other. The process is passenger in and passenger out until your destination comes up, but no hurry as you enjoy the warmth of the car.

Checked in and got a key, so I could begin my adventure at “The Nugget Inn” and Nome. I got to my room and checked it out and yes I was in for a surprise. The room was configured like a bunkhouse shack, two beds on old rusted iron frames. A small table and chair between the beds with a very small lamp. Well this was work and not a vacation and I was at the edge of the world.

The room had the feel that it was the same as in the gold rush days. And when I pulled up the blanket to check on the sheets. I am sure they were there when Jack London was here. Since the sheets were worn down to no more than gauze. So I take my first night in the city of Nome. And sleep tight under northern lights.

Time fly’s by as the year’s pass.
Looking to find what I have missed,
in this, life’s journey.
Looking back at my beginning.
Where it all began for me as a child.

Looking for friends from playgrounds.
Acquaintances of the past, that I have missed.
In a town, I once knew, to be my home.
Vision of my youth
As shadows of time appear.

Coming back, searching now within
the cobwebs of my mind.
I find It was just another place,
A time, that I passed through.
There is nothing there for me at this time,

But of dreams long passed.

You hear divorce
You get divorced
What is divorce

Is it Infidelity
Is it Lies
Is it Abuse

Infidelity equals no respect
Lies equals no respect
Abuse equals no respect

Stop lying to yourself and have some respect
It fell apart
Due to no respect.

Cindy

My days of life are very simple with nothing too complicated to ruin my days. Traveling to destinations around the world. Just enjoying life with all the pleasures, there are to have. Reading great words and attempting my own. With my camera to document my beautiful world.

Yet as I go about my  life with joy, happiness and good health, my friend is sick, cancer came back. Raising its ugly head, after a long battle with remission for a time. Life getting back to normal, after words that she's cured.

Now life stops once again in a surreal world. Focus of a laser is her mind as she strikes back to win the battle again, once and for all. God by her side with family and friends standing together, holding hands, with a prayer to God to lend a little extra helping hand.

Maybe we all can add a little prayer for Cindy and all that fight this battle to win.

Prayers and good wishes to you my dear friend Cindy.

I was considering the perception
of my expectations of what I have perceived.

Then after consideration of my perceived,
perceptions of the expectations,

I changed my expectations perceived,
so my perceptions would not interfere.

With any of my perceived,
expectations that were a perception.

These are the fact and it
happened just this way, on this
date December 7th, 1941.

Coming in at early sun by surprise
with sleep still in our eyes.
Bombs start dropping as we run.

Looking for shelter to avoid
the rain of bombs.
Hangers, houses, planes,
and ships in the number.

The world did change
on this day
that they bombed
Pearl Harbor.

My head laying on her heaving breast.
The sound of her heart beating softly.
Arms embracing, holding her close.
Peacefulness is found in this warm, loving place.