you were so toxic.
you took everything good that happened to me and
breathed your poison all over it, because you needed
some kind of evidence that you were a dominant figure in my life.

but for whatever reason, I loved you anyways.
and I know you loved me back, in your own twisted way.

that was such a dangerous position for me to be in, because
I was never sure if you wanted to kiss me or **** me;
your mood dictated it all.

regardless- I would've given everything up for you,
because I saw light inside of you,
buried somewhere underneath all the rubble of hurt and anger.
and I was so determined to unearth that light,
that one little piece of you that was proof of you being human.  

darling, I should've started running from the first day.
but you know what they say:
"sometimes the person that you'd take a bullet for
is standing behind the trigger."

i have to tell you

the thought of losing you
makes my stomach turn
my fingers tremble
and my chest ache with waves
of pain

because i've never wanted
anyone more
in my entire life
and it scares me that you have me
right in the palm of your hand

promise me you'll stay
unlike the others

promise me
you won't change your mind

promise me
that your promises
won't be bent
by passing time

that i am more than just a passing fancy
that you'd get bored of then leave
once someone with a prettier face
comes around knocking at your door

because you're starting to feel
like home

and nothing terrifies me more.

It hurts,
A constant aching
Sharp, like a thorn in your side,
Casually corroding you carefully made
Walls away.
It's eating me away,
Heavy on my chest,
Pressure on my eyes.
...
I'm not done with hello yet,
So please don't go.

You are a firework,
Big, colorful, beauty, bright.

The only problem with fireworks,
Is that they always fade to soon.

don't fade away, please

Keep memories close,
Reminders of what was
And what can still be.

Worst of all,
I am eager to bring you all your desires
Upon a single solver platter
Filled with marmalade dreams
And sun filled kisses.
To whisk away poisonous stares
And penetrating dreams of torture.

Maybe once long forgotten it will come back,
With a little bit of sweetness and
A sugary aftertaste.