but you look at her
as if you just found
your new favorite thing
in the whole world
(i look at you like that too)

Nothing says
"I love you"
More than
An
Anxiety attack.

I can't seem to articulate what I feel, how I think,
And how I perceive this world.
I've given up on shaking
This feeling of being
Misunderstood.

03:00
When I think about never speaking to him again, I picture a girl walking in a crowd that’s all moving in the same direction, and then suddenly she drops everything she’s holding and turns around and starts running as fast as she can, smiling and pushing past everyone till finally she reaches an open space and her face looks like sunshine as her hair blows behind her in the wind and she’s free she’s free, oh God, she’s free.

03:15
But then I think about walking into a doctor’s office ten years from now and sitting on a cold metal table, staring at my legs dangling off the edge, waiting. And then I look up as the door opens slowly, not expecting to see his tattooed arms hidden in a lab coat, but there he is and, oh God, his eyes haven’t changed, and I can’t breathe, and he just stands there, looking at me like an unfinished sentence. Then I’d have to let him put a stethoscope to my chest and listen to my heart and I wonder what it’d sound like, if it would sound like messy half beats of missing him. If he’d be able to tell. If he’d care.

03:30
Or maybe the next time I see him, if I ever see him again, we’ll both be whole versions of ourselves, content and in good places, our lives all sorted out and how we always hoped they’d be. And maybe we’d be able to talk about the weather and our kids and the lives we created apart. And maybe I’d be able to look at him with only feelings of pleasant acquaintance and relative indifference, not seeing the boy I fell for when I should’ve been focused on catching myself.

03:45
And I know I should find comfort in thinking about how one day I may look at him and feel nothing,

04:00
but it’s four in the morning and I don’t want to let go.

whiskey whispers
sound like you

a burning smokey river
-fire down below

kiss my fever

whiskey whispers-
get me through.

r ~ 9/21/14

She left me

It hurt

Ow my heart

I will get better

I will survive

Love is pain

Ow

Our love was like a kite string

I couldn't hold on for too long

the wind was really strong

whoa watch out for that wind

****, it's like a hurricane out in this ****

Wow, I'm very heartfelt

Hopefully someone sleeps with me after I read this at the slam

When you asked me to prove if you're safe with me:

You're asking me to be the airplane and the parachute, as well as your jump partner

You're asking me to dive down and explore your depths while I'm covered in waste and hoping I don't mess up the place

You're asking me to drive through lightning storms to Reno and be assured neither of us will lose on the poker table waiting at the end of the overpass


You're asking me to hold you so close the pressure cauterizes open wounds where our hearts keep falling out, and hoping I won't stain your clothes

You're asking a controlled fire not to burn too hot for fear of hurting your eyes

You're asking for poison and antidote to mix without either being diluted.

I'm going to need your help.

I have this dream of a,
blood orange sky rippling
Down through the cracked window pane,
Of this crumbling house.
The faint sigh of faded beauty
Resonates among these chipped walls.
We walk there down
the boulevard from when we were happy.
Yet all I can feel is the fleeting feeling, I felt when
your lipstick stained
my cheek for the
final time.

it was the super moon
but all that kept me swooned
was you
without asking me to stay the night
you finished your cigarette
on the deck
and left

usually
I'd trail behind your bare feet
back to your sheets
and be comforted
knowing your body was mine to feel

slowly you're making it clear
that maybe it never was

so I sat beneath that beaming moon
and figured I should get used to my shadow
keeping me company