Talking to yourself in the mirror is more of a religious experience than getting on your knees and whimpering to the sky.

Today, 6:36 am, I got up and said "Good morning, Green Eyes, let's forget."

Getting home, 2:36, I wiped the blood from my front teeth and said "Good going *****, crying in class? What are you made of?" Sticks and stones, I thought. Sticks and stones.

A droning sound.

A year ago, you swallowed pills and opened your thighs, air crawling into places that air should never have the privilege (read: incredible misfortune) of touching, holding. I laid in bed, shined a laser pointer at my door for hours with "Goodbye Cruel World" on rickety repeat.

Goodbye cruel world, I'm leaving you today. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

A year ago, you took pictures of your snapped veins, wishbone fingers still gripping a razor, you smiling. I threw up.

Goodbye all you people.

My friend is going through what I did, caring. Caring a lot. Caring into the school guidance department and caring into crying the whole day. Caring until she can't sleep. Caring until the morning to repeat the cycle. Caring, slowly bleeding out/dying/wishing you were God, same thing.

There's nothing you can say.

I feel bad, I feel bad that your wrist split open. I want to butterfly stitch it for you, hold you, brush your hair back, and back, and back.

To make me change my mind.

What's the point in killing yourself anyway? Right. So I'll do it for you.

*Goodbye.

I have never considered myself to be a memorable character.
So, when you recognized me for the type of beer i drank and the place where i sat; i was caught completely off guard. In a situation i was uncomfortable with I did what i knew how to do.  I pounded back those beers. I made my nights so forgettable because i saw myself as the forgettable girl. The girl who is in love with people but somehow always meets the wrong ones.

I see the way she see's you, but i don't understand
Everything you do, giving your all, asking for guidance; afraid of the fall
Such harsh words, such meaningless looks; so strange because with all the good things i have to say about you i could fill books
Unappreciated, Overlooked; I think her life with you in it is overbooked
She wants your everything including your all, but i so often see how she can make you feel so small
Such a brilliant mind, and such sweet eyes, i always enjoy our lingering goodbyes
I hope you don't feel stuck, i really hope you're in love

I have commitment issues
The longest thing I've ever tolerated is my own name
And still, I cross it out without a second thought
As if a page suddenly becomes more valuable without it
I love to hate all the tiny ways i discredit myself

tomorrow is not promised
it is a gift you might not get

tomorrow is not guaranteed
that's something you should never forget

cherish today as if it is your last
make peace with all the sins of your past

speak the words you said you never would
stand in a place where you have never stood

see the world with brand new eyes
remember your lows but bask in your highs

Tonight, I spoke into the darkness,
No stars to light my way,
       The black void all encompassing

   My words drifting up in ribbons,
          I waited for something, anything to happen

              I felt a rumble that was akin to ripples emanating from a drop of water hitting a puddle

        I was small next to the impossible,
And when it spoke back, it changed me
      
        The blank canvas of stark black was pierced by blades of light,
    The sky becoming a shutter in a rain storm
           Blowing open and closed
       The words came and wrapped themselves across my body in its entirety
        Constricting my air flow

             I felt myself shatter
  An implosion of feeble glass
       Ricocheting through a skeleton of paper, reflecting the brightness above inside ripped skin

                I was nothing.
                I didn't exist.
                I floated in an incomprehensible place that had no end, no walls

     No ceiling or floor

            Just illumination in every direction

                    I opened my eyes
  
    And was blinded by an incredible radiance

      I shut my eyes tight and swatted in front of me
        My hand struck something metal and I yelped in pain
          
          I shot up and stared downward
    Towards the desklamp unplugged on the floor
        
          Breathing heavily, I sat upright in my bed,
                 *Struggling to pull away words that had already sunken in