It was nothing.
It was friendship.
It was infatuation.
It was guilt.
It was love.
It was home.
It was our life.
It was our way of life.
It was another.
It was anger.
It was pain.
It was loneliness.

Now it's...

Lean, limp, and covered in hair,
Holding him close I watched his blank stare.

Powerful poison to start the fall,
A swift injection to end it all.

Pain was the first to touch my heart,
Screaming in horror, it tore me apart.

A mass of anger followed so close,
Welcoming lover, a lethal dose.

Take me away dear firey friend,
Smother my pain - a hand you shall lend.

In my lap lay my Sun oh so still,
Tears to your body from eye they spill.

Blame on the one who is to protect,
Sleepless nights are what I expect.

Body to ashes, soul set free,
"I love you little one" - Mommy.

I encountered you on Queenston.
A fitting place for a Monarch.
Formed roots asked to be retouched for pale yellow hair.
A volatile liquid to be consumed for enjoyment.
Embarking on a journey of joy and anger. Blossoming love and constant pain.
Secrets to be kept from the so-called "immaculate one".
But yet your feelings were not spared.
Taking the side of who we call a misunderstood monster.
Remember everything we talked about?
Remember the hateful words and angry gestures she created between us?
Nonetheless, you forgave.
Forgave us for hurting her and you.
Then came a day that I was no longer invited to be a part of your life.
Trying to be a decent human, trying to cause as little pain as possible, following my heart while breaking others, do you understand?
You beautiful, soulful, golden goddess. Do you?
During the chaos you found your heart with a voyage across seas.
Drowning in bliss, forgetting all turmoil.
Now we sit here without your companionship.
Empty and sorrowful.
Reminded through memories of what was once a great bond.
You deserve everything life has to offer.
I hope it's as adventurous as you need it to be.

*I'm happy for you. I wish you the best. And I still love you.

Cut me horizontal, cut me vertical
with your lengthy blade
enter me from every angle.

Peel my flesh back
expose my sensitive nerves
and tell me you love me.

Push it in deep
help me feel pleasure
out and in, right to the hilt.

Let the blood pour
dripping slowly from my body
seeping into the sheets
soaking us both.

The feel of the blade
so hard, so sleek
coated warm and sticky.

Your turn to bleed, release it all
liquid mingling, with my own
we cry out, the last drop is wrung
sweating, gasping, bleeding...

*****

He looks up with oceans in his eyes.

***** hair mussed from a drunken sleep.

He cries out, reaches to touch.

I drown in those oceans.

Oxygen gone as he squeezes so tight.

"You're here, you're here!"
"I'm here, always"

But I'm not. I'm gone.

Swept away by oceans, kept away by heat.

Hot, too hot.

I need a drink to cool down.

Sipping salty liquid, its stings. It's wrong.

But I'll sip once more and forget.

Lost in those beautiful, glorious oceans**.