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 Sep 2015 W Winchester
AJ
sad, sleepless, lonely nights are not my friend.
I suppose putting the painful thoughts on paper could do wonders for my mind,
but no poem can make my demons disappear.
sadness comes in waves, and if I don't get thrown a life vest soon,
the waves will swallow me whole, pulling me under piece by piece until I'm nothing of a shell of a human body who once could fake a smile.
making a pen bleed out my words is better than a blade bleeding them from my wrist,
but the thought still consumes me.
I'm terrified that one of these days the blade will grab hold of me
and there won't be any turning back. one of these days,
the blade won't just trace my skin in a desperate attempt for crimson,
it will dig in
and I'll just be another scar.
I'm not even sad anymore.
(title is a tøp song title)
 Sep 2015 W Winchester
Umaizah
Sin
 Sep 2015 W Winchester
Umaizah
Sin
This really will be the last time.
I will just disappear without a goodbye.
Doubt it will make a difference.
I kept trying to prove my love.
What for?
I just ended up sinning with you.
I wasn't uplifting your soul but only dragging it down.
Lustful thinking was all we had going towards the end.
Pay for me so that we can sexually discover one another.
This is what we have come down to.
Selfish wants and needs.
My inner core is burning from humiliation.
I wanted something with meaning a solid friendship.
I was hoping for the impossible.
We just end up sinning.
The same patterns for over a decade.
Too much time and energy placed into this.
Suffocation and space is all I hear if I am not moaning after you.
Whatever little friendship we had is no longer.
Communication is poor.
Our last lifeline is burning down.
Make God a priority or else what I hold so dear will be what causes so much pain.
Letting go of my favorite sin.
So you and I have a chance of a happier hereafter.
Even in silence I am still trying to prove my love.
 Sep 2015 W Winchester
Catharina
When the lights cut out
and the air feels thin,
your lips are pressed to mine
I can barely breathe.

The clock ticks slowly,
your scent makes me dizzy.
"No one has to know," you whisper
I only moan in agreement.

Your hands travel down my spine;
calloused, rough --
there I know that, even in the dim light,
your eyes, dark and sharp, still look up to mine.

My lips move to your jaw,
palms wet, running down your chest with cold sweat;
a nervous glance to the door:
"Don't worry, no one will come."

You pull my hair lightly;
your touch is soft, yet careless.
I treat you as if you were the finest porcelain
when, to you, am I nothing but shattered glass --

--you just keep insisting to step on.

I moan aloud;
you desperately cover my mouth.
My voice hushes, "I'm sorry",
but my flesh screams for more.

Our clothes lay thrown across the floor
and I watch them, stoic, waiting
while you leave your last marks
upon my neck.

Now it's 3 in the morning, I'm laying by your side
With a sigh, I stand up and change my mind---
quietly shutting the door,
kissing you goodnight.

It's not right; I refuse to hide
upstairs, on your shelves,
just like the books
you have never finished to read.

Walking home, all alone
I tell myself to forgive,
forget,
and forbid.

Because I would rather
gather dust on the box of our past,
than on your shelf, waiting
on our future.
[that's why i forbid this love;
forgiving us for all we've done,
forgetting the pain we've once known,
and forbidding the love that never had the chance to happen.]
 Sep 2015 W Winchester
SG Holter
Flower eyes.
Cloudless smile.
Hair like a slow motion
Waterfall

Waving through air
Towards the center of
My breathlessness.
Flower eyes,

Ears made for music.
Skin; fresh snow upon warm
Sand crying beads of
Sweat from dancing.

Breath, a breeze that carries the
Scent of Eden's flora.
I open my eyes still dreaming,
Feeling fingers on my face,

Tasting nectar lips and the
Love of an angel having
Fallen for it.
Wingless thing,

Trading Heavens for our touch.
Unto nothing less than your
Flaming feather heart would I
Surrender.

Flower eyes. Petal tears.
Dream me back from this world
Of sharp edges and jagged realities.
Meet me there,

Where no rough imitation of
Our union could take root.  
I will rest within you.
Kiss your flower eyes uncrying.
Not the kind that quenches your thirst,
but the kind that kills your fire.
It will drown your mind first,
then altogether your heart's desire.
You said that you loved me.
But how can that be?
When so soon after you are
Writing poetry with her?
You never used to let me write your poems-
I wasn't even allowed to read them.
And you refused to read mine.
So how could you have possibly loved me?
You never did.
And again I am a fool.
i can't believe that i thought you loved me
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