warm summer nights and ****** lips
He's got blue veins that run down to his wrists
I heard about a heaven up in the sky
A place away from here that's clean and kind
But no one told me that love could be so divine
With a boy that has a devil in his mind

I always feel so alone
No matter how many people I'm with nor how many people say they'll be there for me. I'll always feel that emptiness inside, where I know no one really cares for me.

It's so hard to forget the pain
that is sourced inside my heart
when you also bring me
peace and joy.
Pain is addicting.

It's so hard to be honest
after all I've known is to pull up
the strings on both ends of my mouth
and smile so that whenever the doctor came he could say,
"Son, you're perfectly fine." (#AccordingToPlan)
I wanted to keep you smiling, no matter what.

It's so hard ******
to keep looking at you, knowing
life will or will not change
for better or worse.
No one can say for no one has the answer
to the future.
I cannot stay bitter or frustrated for more than a day.

It's so hard to release the pressure off my chest
like a gas tank relief valve
after all the emotions that have amassed
with no other option for alleviation until now.
Thank God for HP.

It's so hard, I feel left out
It's so hard to know what to do
It's so hard to let go,
*I think I'm in love with you.

I feel you
Settling perfectly in to my body-
Arms wrapped
Around my fragile frame.
A firm grasp,
An unfailing protection.

I feel you here
I sense your thoughts
Your longing to be so close
Your love transcending worries
The change the always comes
With an unspeakable joy
I feel you

I feel you now
Rivers of emotion
Of a passion so great
It cannot be contained
By the walls of your
Explosive heart
I feel you

And now I feel
The action-
The result of the great passion
Leaving your heart and mind
And throwing itself
On to a blank canvas!
I feel you here!
Chest pressed against mine,
Inseparable- our minds connect
We connect
And I can feel you

I view the greens
of the cemetery field.
Graves full of flowers,
Except for one still.

Seasons had come,
seasons did go.
Summer's eve
and winter's cold

Headstones aligned,
all in a row,
a small single one,
sits all alone

No single flower
or family visits,
away from it all,
It's sad as I see it.

For ten long years,
nobody cared.
My feelings are somber
and mildly snared.

Viewing the marker,
my tears were so many.
The inscription it said,
"I love you, my daughter, Emily"

I wrote this for you because there were times I wish someone had written this for me-

Stop hating your reflection, stop hating the girl that is in your mirror. She is you, and you must love your fingertips to your eyelashes, your toes to your stomach all the way down to the edges of your soul and the depths of your heart.

Stop letting him be your world. Have you ever looked at a map? Have you even seen where the rivers go? Have you ever realized that you can get in the car and go? Don't tell me no, because it's true. Instead of following the rivers you let him create them and they flow down your face. Stop swimming in your tears, don't drown in his consuming love. Swim far away and resurface. Breathe in and out. Get out of the water and dry your tear soaked face off, and don't swim until you're ready again.

Stop letting your insecurities shape your mind. They're like needles injected into your body, leaving injuries and drops of blood while extracting your strength to put those thoughts to sleep. You have to learn to form your pretty little fingers into fists and start fighting off those nagging voices in your head that say you aren't good enough. Throw a punch, take a hit, get back up, wipe the sweat off your forehead and do it again. Battle until you come out bruised but on top, exhausted but a winner.

Stop letting him be your measure of worth. His attention and love will never, in your lifetime, fill the void where your own self love should be. He, nor any one guy, will ever fill your heart the way your own self love could. I promise you that loving yourself is so much more rewarding than someone else loving you. I promise I promise I promise.

Stop making excuses. Are you really happy or is that what you project? Is your smile real? Does he make you genuinely smile anymore? Are you falling asleep in his arms feeling alone? Are you?

Stop reading these words and start doing. I wrote this for you because I know he never would.

Do we break
Or brake
I think its been too long, now
They're synonymous
With pain
So I'll drive
Right off this cliff

{NR}