Why do I write? It's not that I want people to think I am smart, or even that I am a good writer. I write because I want to end my loneliness. - Jonathan Safran Foer.

There is a man I see from time to time
His eyes look like they have seen my sorrows
His smile looks as if it is mocking my happiness
His scar on his eyebrow brings back some foreign memory
His ungroomed ****** hair reminds me of when I lost even the will to shave
His arrogance is relatable in almost everyway
His confidence gives me jealousy
His smirk angers me
Angers me to the point where I am enraged
In this enraged stupor I react irrationally
My fist within seconds is going to connect to his skin
His skin which looks so familiar but so unknown
Realization
Blood trickles from my hand as I pull the broken pieces of glass from it
The mirror is cracked and shattered
The insanity is much clearer now
His sorrows, happiness, scars, ****** hair, arrogance, confidence, and smirk yes they are quite relatable
The hauntings of this man that I see from time to time I hope do change for the man I see
My heart goes out to him
For he is me

Mama, I made it I'm a rockstar
I got the drugs and the problems
Mix it with suicidal thoughts and depression
Feelin' just like Kurt and Nirvana

She said she loved me whatever that is
Do me just a favor and save that ****
I'm a rockstar mama
Only fragrance on me is suicidal thoughts and depression
Startin just to feel like Kurt and Nirvana

I don't think I'd mind
To have you in my life even though I'm not sure who you are
You're gorgeous though
Subtle smile with your fullish or small lips I don't know I caught a glimpse
Kind eyes whatever color they may be
Hands as rough as the smoothest layer of your delicate skin
Your hair is quite beautiful with it's ever changing color and length
I'm writing about you cause I care about you or well I think I plan too
I get confused sometimes I just wish you'd finally tell me your name


I think the best thing about not knowing anything about you
Is when I do meet you whether you have anything of what I said above
I'll love you.
I have no idea what you are like in the slightest
My own insanity has created a picture of unbelievable pseudo-realism
Peace in war showed me some love or maybe the love showed war that even in war, love can cause some
peace
I guess my hearts a warzone looking for some peace needing some love
I just hope it finds that blank slate soon babe
If you turned to me now
I could only say this

"Now if you're scared to death like me
But you'll not get a bit of rest
For the pounding and calling at a door in your little chest
If you're scared to death like me, close your eyes
Just close your eyes."

I am lost
Lost within my horrifying thoughts
I miss her next to me
The warmth and smell of her
I am terrified of life without her
Though she makes it apparent that she wants no life with me
I wish her happiness beyond belief
It's the little things I miss
Little things as simple as her skin being alittle clammy from a hot summer night
I don't have much
This bed is quite lonely as I now only share it with an empty bottle
I lie here sleepless and alone
But I suppose I have no choice
A never ending sleep is coming very soon.

If I could I would feel nothing
The world is cold and life's not fair
Honestly I'm just looking for a human crutch

The ******* creed reads let's just **** no strings attached
Get in the car, I'll drop you off at home
I don't expect any text or calls on the phone

I'm okay, I just sold my soul to a beautiful devil
I've only ever killed once, my heart was the victim
It's all good I wanted that

If I had a heart I would probably stop taking you back
If I had a heart I'd paint that ******* black
And I'm sorry I'm so weak
Because if I only had a heart I'd probably give you all of me

Love is an emotion that strangles everyone
It holds fears and joys within its mighty palm
Fears of betrayal and jealousy
Joys of happiness and trust
Love is a possibility of both
There is the possibility of being hurt
There is the possibility of being happy
There is also the possibility of being both at different times
Love is complicated in a mental standing that humans cannot understand
I do not believe I understand Love as in my world she is magnificent
In my world she has saved my life and helped me understand this rather simple four letter word
Love is simple yet devastatingly complex
Love is well...Love.

A piano was softly playing in the background of their minds
It's fullness delicately hearable in every keystroke
A beautiful autumn day with the windows slightly open
The music slowly drifting across to the playground
Two children lie in the leaves looking at the always moving sky
Make shapes in the clouds with their wonderful imaginations
A beautiful melody connecting him and her much more than their young minds could think
The music so lovely yet so underliningly disdainful
Her hand enveloped his as she rolled over to look in his hazel eyes

He looks out the window now a man of twenty five
To the playground where he met a girl very many years ago
He remembers this house from so long ago
The piano now moved to the window
He sits down to play but only one melody comes to mind
A haunting but beautiful melody with slight disdain
He cannot remember where he has heard it before but his hazel eyes start to cry
A beautiful autumn day with the windows slightly open
As he wipes the tears away he smiles for his daughter now lies with a boy in the leaves
Her eyes so dark and brown remind him of his wife he lost but only a few years ago
She asked him one wish to move where they fell in love
He remembered a melody where they fell in love
This melody forever haunting him

It has been a while
Since I saw insanity
It's been a while where I couldn't sleep
That I was chased by nightmares
A wise man once told me that you are as insane as you believe you are
That there are natural born disasters and things in this world that will **** your dreams
Horrors no one should face
I learned that those horrors are us
Us as people we are destroyers of life but also its givers
Horrors as simple as our minds
She told me the other day "I love you."
Her soft whispers caressing the folds of my desires tell me I am not insane
And so it has been a while since I have felt like this
It has been a while truly that I feel I am not insane
Its been what feels like a life time to hear "I love you."
It'll be a while till I can say I am a giver as I have yet to learn not to destroy
But she yeah she...well she's a wondeful teacher.

My father wasn't a great man
Although  I  saw  a  legend
I was his only son
Or  was  I  just  his  legacy
He never thought I was good enough
I  strive  not  for  me
I am the best at everything I do
Not  because  I  want  to  be
I am the best because of fear
The  fear
I do not sleep often
The  Moon  invites  Madness
He is gone and I am relieved
Or  am  I  missing  him
From days on I strive to be the best I can
Not for approval
I strive for the love she has given me
I strive to show the world I am not my father
I strive day to day, because I find it to be my place in this world
This world that seems to have no goal
I strive to prove I have a goal.

I sat and watched
Relived every memory
The sad memories often striking first
The good memories often soothing the pain of the sad
Both intertwined as they were one in the same
As the good memories are often the saddest
And the saddest memories are often the good unforgotten
These memories often racing
To see which can finish first
In the glimpse of an eye the race is over and done
Until the lightning shatters the sky with its white-blue streak across the clouds
Brings me back to reality and I see those memories are only the reflection of my eyes
In the water drops as they race down the window as the storm rages on

The anger I feel
That you would leave me in a world
That I wouldn't want to be in, if you're not there
I guess I am partly to blame
Oh, how jealous I would be of you though
That you're happier without me
You have no idea how you can change the stars
Light up entire worlds
Oh Brother, don't change who you are

I do not fear death
As I find he or she whoever it is that greets me
Will be a friend a rather old friend
A friend that has watched
In sorrow and happiness
Yes stood by my side in all situations
They have held my hand even in birth as they started their clock
Their simplistic clock called life
They have stood next to me as my best man or perhaps my wifes maid of honor
They were their at the birth of my children
Why shouldn't they be the one to greet me as I go?
Yes Death my old friend come and accompany me
We have much to remember here in **Elysium

I grew up in a small hometown
I loved and laughed
I was never afraid to show myself for who I am
I walked the town I had lived in for as long as I could remember
I met a ******* those prideful walks
She made me feel small
That girl with the kitten smile made me feel weak
I had never seen her in my hometown
This place I called mine
The memories I have of her are small and frayed
She loved me and I loved her
She was the wonder of my world
She was gone as quick as a wave
Now my world is a tragedy
and my hometown full of misery.
I guess misery is the greatest tragedy.
I guess my hometown is inside me.

The news came out, and the world is ending
Tonight is our last night and it's just beginning
Our hands entwined and spinning
The beautiful music just keeps on playing

Just tell me where we need to start
Let me put my hands on your heart
And even if tomorrow doesn't come, we won't be far apart
As for us, only minutes to depart

So, stay right where we are
We've only ever come this far.

There was a couple times where I needed you the most
Getting lost in cruising down that gorgeous east coast
The problem is, I'm just so in love with pretty things
I've cared for a girl once or twice, probably a few too many times

I asked myself a thousand times for just one reason
Tell me who he is, I'm wondering if I can be him
The man in the mirror is just lying wide awake while I'm still sleeping
Both of them can't hide their faces they're just liars
Someday's I just can't feel forgiven

If this is what it means to be in love
I've never felt the ground feel quite this rough
Let's not revel in the not good times
Cause' I don't know love
I'd like to think it involves you though

We lived on the docks
Just you and I
We grew old here together love
Saw things lovers wish to see
The laughter of children once filled this house
Now my thoughts are only what drift though the walls
We said our goodbyes and you went to sleep
You ever fiery heart setting to a nice kindling
I felt the rush of life leave your fingers through mine
Oh my love the lake is quite peaceful at this time of night
I think I'll go for a swim and let the gentle waters calm the fires in my heart
When morning comes we'll be side by side just you and I
In whatever place we go
Just know that we can have our abstract hugs and our simple concrete goodbyes

I pulled you out
The way I fell in
I've got lots of stories to tell
Not one involving you
You've got memories to lose
All of them concerning me
Open hearts left overused
Time goes on
We just feel worse
There was a time when we counted on each other to be there
Now that seems naive
Do you feel the same?
You've given it some thought and your scared to death of me
I've seen the darkest sides of hell
Moments with you seem like a brighter heaven in rememberence
You helped pull me out
The way you fell in
We've been broken and bruised
None of it feels real
We were sleeping with this silence in our minds
Now it seems all the words are flowing evenly
It looks like we made a fool out of heartbreak
We're reckless my strange love
We're lucky we're still breathing
You saved me
And I sorta saved you
The lovers that went wrong
We ended up in love I guess we're the lucky ones

Life can be full of heartache and sorrow
Tomorrow can be just as worse as yesterday
I read somewhere
That the only way to a woman's heart
Is along the path of torment

I wonder why it's considered a path of torment
If what I see of people truly in love
I see a paradise
If that's a torment they are willing to endure
Then why am I not ever so willing?

I am afraid
Afraid that I wouldn't endure the torment
I would be the torment
One good love
I'd fall far behind

Would you fight in our little hell?
Would you endure the torment for me?
I hope you say no love.
I want to be able to shoulder all the torment for the both of us.
I've always been willing.
Just be patient
We'll be fine.

One day born a king
A young man with a heart of gold

This golden heart he forgot to bring
For his soul was sold

A mistress with a heart so cold
Did take this little heart of his to sing

On a day he was feeling oh so bold
He did all but fall and she smiled and laughed and held his hand the poor thing

She left not soon after with a treasure on her string
a heart dangles as it rests among the others as they rot and mold

The mistress passes and and so does her fling
but this heart it remains solid and enduring as it is only pure gold

She seems so familiar yet so unknown
A little broken and misused
Repairing herself with a stronger shell
She speaks and I swing between hope and despair
There's a lot I'd like to say
Can't seem to utter any words
Maybe one of these days It'll click
The words I want to say will roll of my tongue onto her lips
I waited too long, just wanted to hold you down
You got a way, and now I don't know how
To let you know, all I wanted was to get lost in moments with you

She had high voltage in her lips
Shot me in my chest
lost my breath
Going into cardiac arrest

My thoughts are a hurricane
At the maelstrom lies my heart
Although I know no one is listening
I nervously rehearse for when you're around

On the way down screaming
If I could just get more time we'll be alright
There's tonight, and I know it's not much
But it's better than nothing

We're running on fumes and we'll make it through the night
It's not a perfect love, but it's better than dreaming
As Shakespeare said "Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs."

What have I done?
With my heart on the floor
I must be out of my mind
To come back begging for more
But if you stay
If you just stay for the night
Swear that I'm yours
And I'll prove that I'm right

And these flies kept me sleeping
All my fears on their wings
And your grandfather clock is still ticking
But the chime never rings
And how long must I stay?
Will I lay by your side
Just to say that I'm yours
And you'll never be mine

With this love like a hole
Swallow my soul
Draggin' me down
And there's blood on the covers
From the curses we uttered
To each other

No, I don't want to smoke and I don't need a drink
Just tell me how you feel and what you think
Cause' I've been on my own for just a while
And there's not a lot of things I need to make this kid smile
Working on myself with all this time, making sure my minds right in the dead of night
And, I heard somewhere that talk is overrated and it's better to just vibe
Except, I swear it'll always be in my mind that love is underrated and it's not just for one night

It flies overhead as though by magic
Knowing I'm under the same sky as you
It's paints the night with a touch of wonder
You speak and I swing between hope and despair
Keeping time to the melody in my heart
What do people call this feeling?
Something so rare...it must have a name
Maybe they call it being in love

Watching her watch herself in the mirror
Realizing she's finally seeing someone
That's worthy of the love
That she spent on others unworthy
Indecisions, indecisions
Always chasing something different
I, I'm indifferent so indifferent
Can't keep up with all these niches
At least we're coming closer with these O's and X's