i got sad
at a young age
its like getting sick
but there's not one medicine to fix it

i'm scared
because i wasn't sure who i was
when i was younger
so when i get happy
if i get happy

i don't know who i'll be
what to expect
or what to go back to

this feeling
i feel for you

i shouldn't care this much
but i do

this feeling
do you feel it too?

when i was young
i imagined a first kiss
as something life changing
a bit of magic

it happened
and nothing changed

when i was young
i always was fascinated by eyes
i felt i could see
everything a person has seen

but i know now that is not true
for my eyes have seen some things
a moment simply fleeting
never to be replicated the exact same
ever again

its all different
some beautiful
some horrifying
i can't find the words
to describe yours

the pit in my stomach
the small emptiness
that inhabits inside of me

returns once again
like a rock
pulling me

down
down
down

into the arms
of my old friend
my sadness rose again

i value my sleep
not just for simplistic reasons
like "I don't want to be tired tomorrow!"
while it is entirely valid

i value my sleep
because it is an escape
from the hell i call
my life

but it is a rest
a break from everything
i am released
i am free

this is now
life is nothing but a memory

the fact that i cannot control or slow time
haunts me

nothing will ever be the same
as it is in this exact moment

it's almost like water
in your hand

you try so hard to hold on to it
but it seeps through the cracks of your fingertips

stop moving so fast
even if its bad, enjoy the now

all of my steps forward
are really just steps back

i want to love
but when given love i cannot accept

i desire to be happy
but the sadness is so familiar

i grew up
hating every inch
of myself

to this day
i find it hard to look
in the mirror

i don't know
how to fix myself
from here

i don't want to
be me
anymore

and there are
7 billion people
in this world of ours

and yet
i ache
because i feel
so very alone

i suppose
deep down
i deserve it
for reasons i don't know

11:18 pm.
i sit alone with the computer light
illuminating my face
in a dark room
alone with a temporary distraction

11:52 pm.
by now my computer has died
my thoughts screaming
and somehow always
drifting all the way back to you

12:39 am.
my soul aches
you hurt me
but you're all i have
please don't leave

11:18 pm.
this hasn't happened yet
i need you to leave my thoughts
but i need you here
before i lose myself in you

When people look at the ocean,
They only see what’s on the outside.
Only a few brave souls are willing to take the plunge,
Into the vast beauty of the ocean.
Only few will ever know the true beauty of it
With their own eyes.
There is something about it,
The ocean,
That makes it seem sad and longing.
Maybe the ocean is blue, because of that.
It’s so undiscovered, and unexplored,
Maybe the ocean is just waiting
For someone brave enough
To find the real beauty
Hidden within.
The ocean and I have a lot in common I guess.

E.M.

Don’t fall in love with a poet.

I’ll rip you up

I’ll break your heart

I’ll hurt you.

Don’t fall in love with a poet.

I’ll kiss your lips

Like I am the sun

Kissing the horizon as it falls each night

Don’t fall in love with a poet.

You’ll leave me

Or I’ll leave you.

Either way, I will indefinitely write about you.