"Don't drink your calories—
unless you want to get drunk."

Her eyes trembled with tears

Weakness stretches out,
not searching strength—
for another soul to be
weak with

A heavy languor spilled into the room
all she can think about
is the patterned ceiling,
which was a book for her to read
while entwined in damp blue sheets

When it's late and sleep has yet to arrive,
I get this strange feeling.
My mind is in overdrive,
While staring at the ceiling.

Sometimes I wonder,
About my latest dream.
I think and ponder,
Is there more to it than it might seem?

There are times that I don't remember at all,
Like a fog that has clouded my mind.
There's nothing that I can recall,
Even if I try to rewind.

Dreams are life's many mysteries,
They just come and go.
Like ships sailing the seas,
Going with the water flow.

And like ships dreams can also sink,
They will never come up again from below.
Gone in a blink,
They seem like something from a long time ago.

I vaguely remember this one time,
A dream that was so good.
It gave me a wonderful feeling so sublime,
It put me in a happy mood.

But on another night,
I only felt dread and fear.
I ran for my life in total fright,
Chased by something that I could not bear.

Everything was cold and dark,
I was so scared and alone.
This nightmare left a mark,
I hated to be on my own.

I wish I had someone,
Strong demeanor with feet steady on the ground.
That very special one,
With a warm light to keep me safe and sound.

But I know when I open my eyes,
There will be only me.
Tried to fool myself with lies,
Wasted effort I silently agree.

I stare at the ceiling yet again,
Thinking about the next night.
Wondering what will happen then?
Hoping that I will be alright.

Sweet dreams I would therefore say,
To everyone I hold dear.
I sincerely wish and pray,
That the nights will be peaceful and clear.

Yesterday it was windy,
And I watched the metal guarded trees
On the streets
Billowing whispered conversations
To each other,
On my way to the waiting room.

I don't like visiting
The child in me.
She welcomes me,
And wants to hold my hand,
She introduces me
To her toys,
And is decently polite.
But it's like talking to someone
Who was your best friend for years,
Before you had a falling out...
You know so much about them,
But you don't know what's okay
To bring up.

I usually skip over the uncomfortable
Days of my girlhood,
I talk about today.
Today I can handle,
I can handle the person I've become,
But with who I was,
I don't know where to begin.

Yesterday,
I was told to look
At the freckle splattered,
Bedheaded child under my skin,
And see the salty dried
Tear streaks on her sun kissed, ***** cheek,
And let her cry with me.

I don't want to hold her,
No one else wanted to, so why should I?
I don't want to comfort her,
She's never been comforted before...

I don't want to let in the vulnerability
Because if I do,
It feels like everyone
Who ever kicked that little girl around
Wins.

But she needs someone.

She needs someone to tell her
What every child should hear,
That she's beautiful,
That she's brilliant,
That she's loving,
That she's kind,
That she's wanted,
And she didn't grow up too badly.

Little girl in me,
Who can be ripped up inside,
But still grin and giggle,
And play.
Who sings to herself,
Who likes to jump down the stairs,
Who wanted to die when she was
Ten,
But put the knife down,
If no one else will love you...

Then I will.

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.