I knew it was wrong from the very start

I should have never let myself indulge
In this pathetic idea of us

But there I was, hoping to see you around the corner and when you were there my day suddenly had a purpose

I started to need you around and couldn't help but smile when you looked at me

I thought I had picked up on little hints from you.

That maybe you liked being around me as much as I liked being around you

That maybe you waited around the corner until I was there so you could "bump" into me

God I was such an idiot!

Of course none of it was true there were no hints, no waiting behind corners  

To be honest I'm embarrassed, you probably hated every second you were around me

This is why I don't let these sought of things happen to me but somehow you snuck  through the cracks in my armor

And I couldn't get you out

I really don't know why I expected any different

Especially from you...

I see you nearly every day and every times a curse
  
I see you with your judgmental smile and your eyes that cause people to flinch in pain

You walk around like your a giant in a world full of ants  

You trough people under the bus to get what you want, you dance in front of people so that you get every last drop of attention    

I guess its my fault for letting you get to me but I can't help it when I dance and you look at me I feel myself physically shrink

But what's sad is that once you've got that attention and you forced everyone into a black hole of insecurity

You have nothing left because all your so called "friends" hate you they speak to you out of pity.

And the sick thing is I end up feeling sorry for you and it makes me angry because you don't deserve that you deserve exactly what you've got.

And yet I find my self feeling sorry for you once again because your an empty shell and that's all you'll ever be

Mean... I hear this term a lot and I must say I'm getting pretty sick and tired of being told I'm mean.

So what if I'm sarcastic its a joke its never malicious

Yes I pull your leg sometimes but do you realize you do the same to me

What about the time I listened to you and your problems. Without mentioning anything about myself for hours

What about the time I dropped everything to help you. I didn't care about me or my plans you needed me and I was there.

But you have conveniently forgotten all of that.

Must be nice to have such a selective memory, I would love to have one but sadly I remember everything

I remember the time you were to busy to help me.

I remember how your problems are always greater than mine and that you can't listen to me for more than five minutes

Or the time you called me mean...
  
But its fine I don't mind being the bad guy because I know who I am and I won't change for anything

Because honestly dear your opinion is worthless to me now

And now you have full permission to call me mean

Because I'm defiantly not going to waist my time being nice to you ever again.

Today I told someone I hated my self...they laughed and said

"Your joking right, how could Jamie hate herself?"

And I had to bite my tongue because there was just so many answers that I could have given her

So many things I could point out to her but no one wants hear that so I laughed and walked away

Because she didn't really care no one does they just ask out of curtsy nothing else

They do not need my imperfections pointed out to them they can see them clearly when they look at me

So I smiled because that's what your suppose to do...

Right?