all I want is a stupid little romance story
perhaps an enemies to lovers
or a she fell first but he fell harder trope
I don't care which type it is
I wish I could live in a little 2000s romantic comedy
one where the guy gets the girl at the end of the movie
but I'm not
I'm not living in a romantic comedy
and I have not yet achieved a stupid little romance story
all the guys I've loved before
have left me heartbroken
all I want is a Noah to my Allie
a Jack to my Rose
a Romeo to my Juliet
that's all I want
is all I want too much to ask

there's this need --
in my heart..
wait.
no.
it's my soul.

my soul is the one
that has this
need..
it's oh so strong
and keeps returning.

there's this
deep ache
and craving
for the physical touch
in a way
i don't get everyday.

my soul
craves
to hold someone
in a way
thats indescribable.

my soul
craves
to be held
by someone
in a way
that makes me heal
from inside out.

it's not even
manageable anymore.

it's taking over me,
the feeling washes over
in red and blue --
craving more
and more
each time.

You don't need me
but I need you
You don't like me
but I like you

You don't know that
but what if you do
would you like me or not?
would you see me or not?
would you need me or not?

would it make a difference?
would it change your preference?
I guess probably not

yes I did it
I messaged him
I can tell
he's mad at me
I'm not upset that he hates me
I'm upset I ruined it
a friendship that could've lasted
I mourn our full conversations
and our inside jokes
I mourn the loss of what could have lasted longer than it did
I fear I look for him in every person I meet
hoping to find someone like him
but its useless
there will never be another
just like him

“Are you okay?” they ask me
“Im fine” i say
But the truth is im not fine
I've never been fine
The scars may leave
But the reasons behind them will continue to linger
Depression may stay
But distractions are always near
The world eventually stops
all feeling disappear
I hide in my room and sit
I sit there and cry
Each tear with a reason behind it
The world stops when i have no distractions
“Do you wanna hang out?”
My biggest cry for help
Maybe i deserve these scars
This pain
This hurt
Maybe i deserve the reasons behind it
Sometimes i need time to think
Maybe i am a bad person
I really think i am
I deserve every cut
Every mean word said to me
I need to be humbled
I live in fear everyday of what i might do to myself
Would i do it
No
Do i think about it every day
Yes
My world spins as i think about every bad thing i did
I deserve every scar
Every cut
I deserve to sit in my room
And cry
All this pain and all this hurt
I bring it upon myself
Im running out of distractions
Im running out of hope

i miss your gaze on me!
i miss your voice!
i miss your hair!
i miss the way you'd walk into a room like you owned the place!

i miss your stupid face.
it's so dumb!

because i didn't hurt you.

it's the other way around.

and im still recovering
from what you did.

why do i miss your stupid face?


... i don't know.
don't ask.

i miss it.
i miss you.
i miss us.
i just miss it all.

i know i shouldn't.

but i can't help it.

... i miss your stupid face.

The right person, the wrong time.
The right script, the wrong line.
The right poem, the wrong rhyme.
And a piece of you that was never mine.