My mother talks about you
a lot
almost worships you like
a god
Heard her talk about you
on calls
Always screams in my face
telling me to be a lot
like you
But listening to her
talk
I don't think I really like
you.

Today,
one of my friends told me
'you look different.'

At first,
I didn't take note;
I was messed up and it's just one of those things;
I didn't have my glasses
and my hair looked different to how I usually style it.
'no,' she said, 'it's not that...'
but,
then I heard it again;
'you look different.'

I didn't know what else to say but;
'that's the second time I've heard that this morning! ha ha',
laughing off the funny coincidence.
I asked her what was different,
but she too couldn't say...

No one could tell me what it was,
but everyone I asked,
they all said it,
all of my closest friends
and someone I barely know anymore.

'you look different.'

and,
I was talking to my friend about it,
when I jokingly said;
'well maybe I'm just happier than usual! ha ha'
but she looked kinda sad.
My other friend said
'wait, relax your face',
so I did.
'yeah, that's it!'

'you look different.'

'no,' I thought 'you just aren't used to seeing me happy'

I listen to break up songs full of hatred and rage,
wondering if you listen to the same songs and think of me,
but I hope you don't, since I had wanted to be with you until old age,
unfortunately for the best, I was forced to set you free.

I can be strong now,
Tonight, I'm not in the wrong,
I must help myself

Today is better,
Than these days have been,
No longer cloudy minded.
I know I'm still hanging on to love,
I don't know if you are,
But thank you.
For speaking to me today,
I need you more than even I knew,
But I think I can come to terms,
With being good friends.

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Under a spotlight where everyone knew my name...
I was five.

Now, I want shadows and to be as far away as possible.
Hidden and far from consequence,
And even further from myself.
Where my name is not a name,
But just another word without any true meaning.

When I was younger, I used to think I was going to be a Star.
Now, I want to disappear.

I should have jumped overboard when I had the chance.

oh annalee
why didn't you tell them about
the crying
and the cutting?

how could they have seen the tears
behind that perfect mask for
a face?

sweet annalee,
how would they have known
that you felt numb
and empty?

you didn't tell a single soul
about how you wished you were dead.
you didn't tell them with that
sweet voice of yours.

dear annalee,
why must've you told them only
with pen and paper?
why were you trying to fly
so soon?

please annalee,
they're desperate to know
what made you feel that way.
they were ready to help you
but you pushed them away.

why did you have to visit
heaven so early?

-k.m.