i dont know how,
i am supposed to feel,
i am in love with you,
and i am sure of that,
you broke my heart,
tore it apart,
when all i wanted,
was ur love,
you made me look bad,
to all whom we know,
word got spread,
they all hate me now,
for what reason i ask,
u said,
its not ur fault,
we were young,
although your right,
i am the only one that got hurt in the end,
all this despise,
and all these mistakes,
have filled me up,
with anger,
with agony,
i wanted you to die,
but i couldnt hurt you,
the way you did me,
how the ****,
am i supposed to feel,
i am in love with you,
im hurt by you,
war in my head,
all the time,
confused on how,
i can feel that eway,
but still u said,
its not ur fault,
we were young,
although your right,
i am the only one the got hurt in the end,
all this despise,
and all these mistakes,
have filled me up,
with anger,
with agony,
i wanted you to die,
but i couldnt hurt you,
the way you did me.

fat,
rolls of fat,
skin,
filled with scars,
heart,
about to explode,
hurt,
i hurt,
everyone around me,
im hurt,
'cause i dont mean to,
yet i still do,
i look in the mirror,
disgust is allll i see,
fat, scars, pain,
a pile of rotted flesh,
trying to do the impossibe,
look and feel better.

suicide,
not very scary, right?
s.u.i.c.i.d.e.
just a bunch of letters,
why are you scared of spitting them out?
are you cared itt will jinx you?
dont worry,
i am as jinxed as the terrifying word,
i will **** the life out of you,
leave you helpless, waiting for your time,
it feels like its never coming,
and you feel a deep longing to me,
sso you decide to step closer,
youre on the edge now,
you look down,
you see me at your feet,
you smile,
with tears falling towards me,
i smile back,
telling you to jump in my welcoming arms,
you listen,
then i turn my arms into claws,
my smile into sharp teeth,
i swallow you with ur terror,
and i deliver you my jinx,
hell.

i am the one you think is a ****,
when you hear my backstory,
you will forget what you thought,
if i was right...
i cant be right,
present defines a person,
not the past,
at least only when its bad,
so you were right all along,
i sold whats worthy for whats not,
then only ever said,
i onced owned whats better,
but nothing to sow for,
i wouldve never done that,
if what was worthy got me love,
but yet love never came,
it was jusst a hole someone dug for me,
but instead of trying to get out,
i found comfort and rotted away.

I am the girl you see in movies,
portrayed by a woman's body,
I am the kid that wanted to play,
but was shut down for her curves,
I am the one that always hated her body,
for being mature and grown before she was,
I was the child,
that was mad they never got love,
and only ever blamed it on their body,
that movie was almost over,
until i saw darkness in gloom,
i thought it was light so i rushed,
it made me love my body,
it made me forget that times i was hurt,
it made me become the woman my body so badly wanted to be,
a *****,
i found out i was in darkness now in gloom,
tried to go back fast,
but the child that i once was,
is now nothing but gone.