The greenery of this place never fooled me
The sky just looks so fake,
the clouds are drawn on.
Im at the park on the swings
I need to feel something in my stomach before I waste away at the young ripe age of 5

Just 8 years later getting fingered on the same slide I was afraid of as a little girl
The wind from the past keeps the swings on the playground moving higher
Doing the things that are bad for me
Just to feel lighter

When I'm 15 I have no place to be
No one and nothing to call home
Not even my body is somewhere I know.  
I pop a xannie for the thrill
Hoping that stranger I messaged will take me away from the godforsaken place

This stupid park that holds me so captive.
Run away can't face what is happening
In my head, I'm already dead
Nothing is real
take a Xanax
I only like doing the things that are bad for me
I only like feelings if they're going to make me bleed
I don't care about the context
Of my universal insignificance, I can't even repent. Sitting here on the floor. Higher than the swings ever brought me.
Crashing harder and harder each time I speak.
I can't get off the swing.

No one speaks of this pain
The pain that is carried with wisdom
However a pain that aches no less
It's a pain that seethes without ease
On the heart, it beats with unrest,
Yet on the mind, it lingers as peace

Flare dewlaps just twice at the birds
Not sure if I know that it works
)She'll come back to me)
Green anole you were kind to me

Head with a tilt to scan
Eyes on a ceiling fan
Await awake
You feel no shame

And by glass pane
Drafted theory of pain
I learned what hurts the most
God please dont be a ghost

//
All the pennies that got sent
Was it time well spent
I never knew
You like how I do

The last words that she spoke
Oh father I'm the joke
I share your pain
We don't eat the same

On a slowride fleeting
As eyes drip drip dry
God I beg you please
I need that same release

//
Flock I hear soars by
I wonder if they cry
Like I do too
Clipped wings from me to you

Oh baby bird don't fly
Left me with a different kind of ghost
Not the one I need the most