Insecurity is covering me today
Vulnerable and lame
Hidden away for days of grandeur
Revealing words of failure
Taunting with moans left behind
Anxiety came as a unwanted guest
Pretending its residence
Taking pride in the destruction
Overriding it seems impossible
They show me all my desires
Laughable and unrealistic
Then it stokes the fire higher than before
Making me yearn exponentially
Grabbing for peace
Striving for acceptance
Yet thinking this ineptitude won’t end
Undeserving, unrequited, and unfulfilled
Elusive contentment has exhausted me
Weariness joins my covering
Maybe tomorrow I will rest

I have a switch inside
Flips so quick
I feel **** and sensual
Beautiful and free
Then slam reversal
The creeps barge in
I’m disgusting and gross
Smelly and fat
The words said are true
“Who would want you?”

So I engage myself
Some kind of battle
A rampage of sorts
Argumentative debates
Parts taking sides
Remembering all the hurts
The feels and thrills
This is all I deserve
Those words that might be true
“What part is really you?”

If they knew how truly sad I was

Would they still like me?

If they saw my darkness

Would they run away scared?

If they knew all my morbid thoughts

Would they think I’m crazy?

If they found out my twisted desires

Would they still want me?

If they saw my underbelly

Would they leave?

If they saw all my scars

Would they stay?

I tried
I tried with you
I was a mess but I tried
I gave you a piece of me and
I tried to give you more
I tried to make it work
I tried for you
I tried for us
I tried